Kristi Noem Lies, Says Stupid Shit While Defending ICE From ‘Demonization’ By Press, Gov’t Officials

from the whatever,-pet-killer dept

Earlier this year, Donald Trump declared (without facts in evidence) that Chicago was a crime-ridden hellhole that could only be saved by sending in the literal troops. This happened during a year which has been one of the safest (in terms of crime rates) in Chicago’s recent history. And, of course, actual crime rates were far beside the point. The real reason for Trump’s declaration of war was his ongoing grudge with any major city or US state whose residents have voted against him in recent elections.

A month later, Trump amped up his war plans by calling for the arrest of Illinois governor JB Pritzker and the mayor of Chicago, Brandon Johnson. Then he did the actual war stuff, sending National Guard members from Illinois (already legally problematic) and [wtaf] Texas to the city of Chicago to do the stuff these troops have done elsewhere… which has basically amounted to performing policing of areas for literal trash, filing paperwork for federal cops, shitting in humvees, and dealing with the uncomfortable reality of working for a logistics-last administration that amuses itself by moving its toy soldiers to wherever the vibe takes it.

JB Pritzker has done a great job pushing back against the Trump administration. And, for the moment, so has the federal court in the jurisdiction affected by Trump’s domestic war plans. Consequently, Trump administration figures are getting so mad it’s being put in the all the papers. Here’s the Chicago Tribune, covering DHS Secretary Kristi Noem’s latest fact-free rant in defense of… um… martial law, I guess?

U.S. Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem on Monday criticized the media and politicians, including Gov. JB Pritzker, for “trying to demonize” federal immigration agents and the Trump administration’s enforcement operations, and she urged citizens to thank law enforcement officers and “cook a meal for their families.”

Well, if we’re going to thank these officers properly, we’re going to need their names and addresses. Let’s hope Noem will be publishing this information in the near future so citizens can thank these officers personally.

But let’s go back to the first sentence. No one needs to try to “demonize” ICE officers. They do it to themselves every day of the week. All anyone needs to do to cast demon-esque aspersions is simply report on their actions.

Noem’s comments continue from here, however, laying her chin out like she’s the straight man in a bit she’s not currently aware she’s participating in. Every statement offers up her chin like a regular Glass Joe Jane, just patiently waiting for someone to connect directly and send her spiraling to the canvas.

“I want to speak directly to the American people today and remind them and recall the facts that we are focused on the worst of the worst, bringing these individuals to justice. We’re not going to let individuals terorize our streets anymore and we’re not going to let them make victims out of families that live in this country,” Noem said.

“Since January, the Department of Homeland Security has arrested over 480,000 criminal illegal aliens,” she said. “Seventy percent of those individuals have criminal charges against them or have been convicted of those criminal charges.”

That can’t possibly be correct. In fact, it isn’t. The first clue is that Kristi Noem is saying it. The second clue is the actual data, which shows that more than 65% of people booked by ICE have never been convicted. And that means there’s no way 70% have either been convicted or have current criminal charges because there are simply not enough people left.

If Noem wants to include the immigration charges arrestees are now facing, that’s fine. That might make everything add up to 70% (but it does make you wonder why it’s not 100%), but it doesn’t add any credence to her assertion that ICE is focused on the “worst of the worst.” An immigration offense is a civil offense. If Noem wants to pretend overstaying a visa is the criminal equivalent of felony assault, she’s welcome to do that. Pritzker and the media at large (who Noem includes in this free-association venting) are under no obligation to play along with the administration’s narrative.

The media did push back a bit as Noem attacked them for not showing respect, if not abject adoration, for ICE officers. When asked about arrests for low-level crimes not exactly being the “worst of worst” they were told ICE was gunning for, Noem said this:

“We have laws and we don’t get to pick which ones matter and which ones don’t,” she said. “Every single one of our laws has been put in place for a reason and, therefore, will be enforced.”

This person works for a man who was convicted on 34 counts in a felony trial and yet — thanks to the Supreme Court — is somehow back in the Oval Office. Her employer is also a man who has declared he can break pretty much any law he wants to and still get away with it because of who he is and the immunity he has access to.

Twenty exhausting minutes later, Noem finished up by targeting the Illinois governor yet again.

Gov. Pritzker in Illinois is putting his people in danger every day by going against us and not working with us to make sure that we’re detaining individuals who have criminal charges against them or have been convicted and then re-releasing them out on the streets,” she said.

Great point. Oh wait...

US President Donald Trump issued pardons or commutations for more than 1,500 people convicted or charged in connection with the US Capitol riot four years ago.

Whoa, if true.

Suck it, ICE. You’re demons. Get demonized. You and you alone have earned all the hate you’re getting. The same goes for you, Kristi. The sooner you leave office and get back to murdering your kids’ pets, the better off this nation will be.

Filed Under: , , , , , ,

Rate this comment as insightful
Rate this comment as funny
You have rated this comment as insightful
You have rated this comment as funny
Flag this comment as abusive/trolling/spam
You have flagged this comment
The first word has already been claimed
The last word has already been claimed
Insightful Lightbulb icon Funny Laughing icon Abusive/trolling/spam Flag icon Insightful badge Lightbulb icon Funny badge Laughing icon Comments icon

Comments on “Kristi Noem Lies, Says Stupid Shit While Defending ICE From ‘Demonization’ By Press, Gov’t Officials”

Subscribe: RSS Leave a comment
19 Comments
David says:

Re:

US President Donald Trump issued pardons or commutations for more than 1,500 people convicted or charged in connection with the US Capitol riot four years ago.

And many of them have re-offended, including the man who recently threatened Minority Leader Jeffries’ life.

You say that like it was a side effect rather than an example of the exact purpose those people have been released for. Trump wants people on the streets that scoff at the law and are willing to plan and commit violence on his behalf and for his goals.

He explicitly and publicly stated that he loves them and considers them very special.

This comment has been deemed insightful by the community.
Ethin Probst (profile) says:

“We have laws and we don’t get to pick which ones matter and which ones don’t,” she said. “Every single one of our laws has been put in place for a reason and, therefore, will be enforced.”

Uh… Whaaaat? Does this idiot not know that there are literally thousands (maybe tens of thousands) of laws that are ignored on the regular? There are so many laws in this country (even just federally) that it would be impossible for the executive to enforce all of them consistently. Has Kristi even looked at the tax code, as (just) one example?

mick says:

Billionaires are not our friends

Pritzker gets several (well-deserved) mentions here. But tons of people on Bluesky are heaping praise on him and calling for him to run for president.

To which I say, “No. Fuck all billionaires. ALL of them.”

Anyone who’d vote for yet another oligarch for president deserves the country our current one is creating. A billionaire with a conscience is not a thing that exists, or CAN exist.

That One Guy (profile) says:

No, that would be YOUR people doing that

“I want to speak directly to the American people today and remind them and recall the facts that we are focused on the worst of the worst, bringing these individuals to justice. We’re not going to let individuals terorize our streets anymore and we’re not going to let them make victims out of families that live in this country,” Noem said.

Ah yes, curse all those dastardly immigrants, why I heard recently they held an entire apartment building hostage, ziptying literal children and mocking their cries as they ransacked the building looking for victims to kidnap and sell to foreign countries.

Oh wait…

The only people I see terrorizing the streets and making victims out of the families that live in the US are the US gestapo she’s currently defending, so chalk up another whopper of ‘Every accusation a confession, every self-given label a rejection of’.

Add Your Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Have a Techdirt Account? Sign in now. Want one? Register here

Comment Options:

Make this the or (get credits or sign in to see balance) what's this?

What's this?

Techdirt community members with Techdirt Credits can spotlight a comment as either the "First Word" or "Last Word" on a particular comment thread. Credits can be purchased at the Techdirt Insider Shop »

Follow Techdirt

Techdirt Daily Newsletter

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Get all our posts in your inbox with the Techdirt Daily Newsletter!

We don’t spam. Read our privacy policy for more info.

Ctrl-Alt-Speech

A weekly news podcast from
Mike Masnick & Ben Whitelaw

Subscribe now to Ctrl-Alt-Speech »
Techdirt Deals
Techdirt Insider Discord
The latest chatter on the Techdirt Insider Discord channel...
Loading...