Pudding-Brained 5G Conspiracies Somehow Get Even Dumber

from the you-need-help dept

We've made it repeatedly clear that 5G now exists in some kind of alternate reality, untethered from this complicated mortal plane. On one side, you've got telecom giants, hardware vendors, and some politicians busy pretending that 5G is a revolutionary game changer, something you just sprinkle around to create near Utopian smart cities, smart vehicles, and miracle cancer cures. On the other side, you've got an international cabal of conspiracy theorists with a head full of pudding, who think 5G gives them COVID or is a diabolical deep state, mind-surveillance tool.

While the "let's overhype 5G" set has quieted down some after data continues to show US 5G is largely underwhelming, the pudding-head conspiracy theorist side of the discussion has only accelerated. Some 5G conspiracy theorists have even been buying faraday-cage enclosed routers in the belief it protects them from 5G (despite the routers in question not even being wireless 5G). Worse, some have become violent in their delusions, whether that means burning down cell towers or setting dangerous traps for wireless technicians.

Just when you think 5G conspiracies have reached peak stupidity, somebody manages to raise the bar. Conspiracy theorists have long tried to claim that 5G caused COVID, or that COVID vaccines are part of some diabolical plan to track the public. Over in Italy, conspiracy theorists have been claiming that a tiny 5G-enabled microchip is being injected along with the COVID vaccine to spy on the public. Their proof? An engineering schematic for a guitar pedal, according to Mario Fusco, a senior software engineer at Redhat:

The schematic appears to be for a Boss MT-2 Metal Zone guitar pedal, something all the references to "gain," "treble" and a footswitch should have made clear to even a nitwit:

The irony continues to be that 5G simply isn't interesting or important enough to warrant either the hype or the conspiratorial bullshit. It's largely a modest evolutionary step toward lower latency, faster, and more resilient networks. And there's plenty of evidence to suggest it's less powerful and safer than many existing 4G technologies.

It's funny, but it's not funny. While there's been no hard proof shared yet, it's believed that Nashville bomber may have targeted an AT&T building because he'd been hoodwinked by this kind of bullshit online. Worse perhaps, the conspiracies encourage doubt in the effectiveness of the vaccine, ensuring fewer take it, in turn ensuring the recovery from the virus take longer and is more brutal than necessary.

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Filed Under: 5g, conspiracy theories, covid, guitar pedal, vaccines


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  • icon
    Samuel Abram (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 4:53am

    This is hilarious.

    To be fair, if I could this "microchip" implanted in myself, I would not only be sick, I would be sick as f***!!!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    DannyB (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 6:36am

    5G causes COVID somehow

    I am still waiting for an explanation of how microwaves can spread droplets. But I'm patient. Until then, I'll keep my tinfoil hat on tight because it works better than a face mask to keep me safe.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Crafty Coyote, 6 Jan 2021 @ 7:03am

    So if the implanting chip really is just the schematics for a guitar pedal, does that mean we'll be getting The Cure when we get the cure?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 6 Jan 2021 @ 7:04am

    Remember, we never actually erradicated superstition, it just uses more modern names now.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    TheResidentSkeptic (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 7:15am

    More proof of the absolute failure

    ...of public education. The inability to think is a worse pandemic than covid, and will have far worse consequences.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 6 Jan 2021 @ 7:39am

      Re: More proof of the absolute failure

      vs private?
      I doubt that was the intent.

      Public education funding and curriculum in the US is controlled locally and therefore is varied depending upon location. Some districts are very good while others not, anyways - just trying to say it is not absolute despite the gallant efforts of those who swear to destroy it.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • identicon
        Anonymous Coward, 6 Jan 2021 @ 9:52am

        Re: Re: More proof of the absolute failure

        Public education funding and curriculum in the US is controlled locally

        Nope. Depends on state law as well. And of course you can't forget No Child Left Behind at the federal level.

        Unless your local district has the finances to run entirely on it's own, (in which case it could be it's own private institution), there will be mandates coming down from on high that your local officials have no choice over. Wanna have free / reduced lunch for your kids? Well better have a internet content filter with logging and monitoring installed or those kids go hungry. Wanna have money for school supplies and transit? Better adopt a curriculum that teaches the stuff on the big standardized test. (That often gives away answers in it's questions, and is proof of nothing.) Oh and fire anyone at random based on no fault of their own. That teacher who brought up a kid from 3 grade levels behind to less than a year behind in 9 months? Fired. That teacher who did nothing all year and allowed her students to fall from 2 grade levels ahead to their current grade level? Give her a raise!

        The failure of Public Education in the US is the result of politicizing it's success rate. The law makes fast and efficient (read: cheap) testing the priority so that politicians and parents have stats to gloat or condemn over at the expense of the student's education. Add to that the fact that most parents don't even have the time nor education to actually help their kid's studies and it's little wonder why the US public school system is seen as nothing more than a glorified daycare. (Which is also why parents are angry about it's shutdown during the pandemic. School is daycare to them, so they can go work their multiple minimum wage jobs without worrying about their overgrown 13-year-old toddler being alone all day.)

        If you wanna fix this, you need to convince people where the fault actually lies: Their demands of instant perfection.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          Anonymous Coward, 6 Jan 2021 @ 10:03am

          Re: Re: Re: More proof of the absolute failure

          Yes, of course - use of local was intended to be state/county as opposed to federal and it was not made clear.

          Federal funding of public education in the US has become almost non existent, the only reason the fed contributes anything at all is so they can demand you do things their way.

          You point out a lot of things, I simply wish to say it's not the end of the world - yet.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    bhull242 (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 7:32am

    If there was an implanted chip for 5G, it probably wouldn’t work well given how terrible 5G is at penetration.

    Going to the schematic, though, I have to imagine that the first person to make the claim was just trolling, and then a bunch of people took it seriously. Not because I think highly of humanity; I just can’t figure out how else someone would even draw a connection between the two to begin with.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
    icon
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  • icon
    That Anonymous Coward (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 9:58am

    Humans...

    Once they have been hoodwinked they stay hoodwinked, no matter what.
    You can never admit you were wrong, because that would betray the cause!
    Of course the cause betrayed you first by lying to you & promising to save you if only you buy these things from our fine sponsors.

    How else can you explain Congress doing the same stupid things over & over trying to pass laws to solve imaginary problems that have been proven to not exist?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Max, 6 Jan 2021 @ 10:11am

    Oh, this is bad - spying on us remotely and controlling our minds isn't enough, they made sure they can switch off motor control to the feet of anyone they might want to apprehend! Forget hiding, you can't even RUN anymore! What else do you think "foot switch" IS ?!? /s

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Pixelation, 6 Jan 2021 @ 11:04am

    "Pudding-Brained 5G Conspiracies Somehow Get Even Dumber"

    This just proves the 5G is affecting peoples minds. :)

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    That One Guy (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 11:17am

    Now look what you did

    Damnit telecom companies, you spent so long hyping up 5G as magic that the idiots believed you and now they think that it is magic.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    ECA (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 12:09pm

    A real problem.

    There is a strange thing that happens.
    In the past a few things were happening and no one believed that it could, so they DENIED the experience.
    It was about High tension power lines. And some of the strange things around them.
    Then there were the Chemical dumps around the USA(most still there) and that people were having problems.
    Cigarettes and cancer.

    The strange fact is that ONCE a person finds they are right about 1 thing, EVEN when everyone else denies it, over and over and over, including Scientists(paid off by the corps).
    They WISH/WANT to be right again. Fact or Fiction, we got upset because NO ONE was listening to us about what WAS/IS happening.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    PaulT (profile), 6 Jan 2021 @ 11:04pm

    I'm still waiting for the explanation as to why it would be necessary to implant tracking chips into people living in a society where it's common and acceptable to carry a tracking device in your pocket.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]


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