Funniest/Most Insightful Comments Of The Week At Techdirt

from the winning-words dept

This week, our first place winner on the insightful side is Nathan F with a simple question about the Supreme Court's request for the White House to weigh in on API copyrights:

Why would they ask the Executive Branch (the supposed enforcers of the law) as opposed to the Legislative Branch who actually wrote the law and what their intentions were?

In second place, it's That One Guy suggesting that Epic's offer to ditch exclusive games if Steam raises its developer cut is essentially a bluff:

If anyone honestly thinks that Epic will just throw away what is at the moment their only real advantage should Steam call them on their bluff I've got some positively amazing bridges and/or lunar plots of land to sell them.

Get rid of the exclusives and better cut for publishers/developers and Epic is left with a significantly subpar platform on the customer side, and a notably smaller customer-base on the publisher/developer side, putting things right back into the 'Why should I use/sell through Epic again?' stage. Bribing publishers and coercing buyers are basically all they have so far, there's no chance in hell they'd give that up, and while it would be nice to be proven wrong I do not expect to be in the slightest.

For editor's choice on the insightful side, we start out with Jeremy Lyman responding to the idea that Trump totally condemned the white supremacists at Charlottesville:

"Condemned totally" yeah, except for their method and message, and the "fine people" who were there to promote both. People don't just walk around supporting confederate icons with that many tiki torches by accident.

Next, it's Gary with a simple rebuttal of the assertion that Section 230 has been "unresolved for two decades":

Or you could say that without lying, "Section 230 has been upheld countless times over 20 years."

Over on the funny side, our first place winner is Thad with a response to the claim that Twitter bans "intelligent conservatives":

Makes sense. That would explain why I see so few intelligent conservatives on Twitter.

In second place, it's Anonymous Anonymous Coward with a comment about the man who had to convince a court that his hash brown was not, in fact, a phone:

I sure hope Mr. Stiber learned his lesson. In the future, get the Egg McMuffin, it looks nothing like a cellphone.

For editor's choice on the funny side, we start out with another comment from Gary, this time regarding the saxophonist who is the latest to launch a shaky lawsuit over Fortnite:

This just in: Lisa Simpson is now sueing Leo Pellegrino for stealing her classic sax moves as seen on The Simpsons.

And finally, we've stderric with a summary of the trail of destruction left by deputies in pursuit of $50 worth of marijuana and one pill:

The police may have assaulted a couple, stolen their belongings, and destroyed their business, but at least we can rest safe knowing that we live in a stable society free of the corrupting influence of drugs.

That's all for this week, folks!


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  • icon
    FlatZOut (profile), 5 May 2019 @ 12:17pm

    New Player Incoming!
    Sarge: I’m gonna need a sweeper.

    GMod Idiot Box, much?
    No? Nothing?

    ...

    I’ll see myself out.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 1:26pm

    Its not fair that someone can be accused of being a drug dealer
    before the trial ,thereby ruining their reputation .
    so they lost their house and their business .
    It seems there should some change in the rules
    round the police making statements about people who may be innocent.
    drug dealers would have more than 50 dollars worth of drugs .
    The police could have said we found 50 dollars worth
    of drugs in a house on street x.
    We will investigate if this person needs to be charged with
    any offense or go to court.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      murgatroyd (profile), 5 May 2019 @ 3:10pm

      Re:

      Well, yeah, if you want to be all adult and rational about it. But if you're looking for something to prosecute, where's the fun in that? It's kind of like living in a small off-the-beaten-track town - you don't have cable, so you have to make your own fun. Plus, the way things are now, you get to be all big and powerful and can go around touting your good deeds and spouting off about how you, at least, are "thinking of the children".

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Bobvious, 5 May 2019 @ 4:09pm

    Fortnite vs Rasta Imposta

    This lawsuit won't have much a-peel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXwgbefv6F8

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    stderric (profile), 5 May 2019 @ 5:41pm

    I humbly surrender my Ed's Choice to the AC who had this response to my comment.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 7:16pm

    I can’t remember where I saw it, but I read a comment about reparations for decedents of slaves. I thought that was funny. Hilarious actually. The idea that everyone is born being either a victim or victimizer, regardless of their actual actions, and we should structure public policy around that belief, looks absolutely hilarious. It’s tribalism in the Extreme, I think it was Stephen T. Stone said he was black, and wanted to receive reparations. What a poser! What a stupid idea.

    If you want to be a victim, Stephen, you go right ahead, no one cares. The rest of us are going to work, and we are going to win. We’re winners, and you are self-selected losers. That’s funny! Why would anyone focus on being a loser? To get free money from everyone else? HAHHAHAHAHA! CHOKE DEE!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 7:37pm

      Re:

      Yes, Shiva Ayyadurai was such a winner when he got a judge to prove he invented email, and won against Elizabeth Warren.

      Oh, wait. That was just in your Melania Trump fanfiction and didn't actually happen. Whoops!

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Stephen T. Stone (profile), 5 May 2019 @ 8:28pm

      I think it was Stephen T. Stone said he was black, and wanted to receive reparations.

      Please cite the comment in which I said this. I mean, unless you want to lose whatever minor shred of credibility you have left by openly lying about me saying things I have never said.

      (And while I do not know enough about the issue of reparations to craft a properly nuanced opinion on the matter, I support the general idea of reparations for the descendants of enslaved peoples.)

      Why would anyone focus on being a loser?

      We can always ask Shiva Ayyadurai.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • identicon
        Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 9:26pm

        Re:

        We can always ask Shiva Ayyadurai.

        Or Herrick. Right, John Smith?

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
          identicon
          Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 10:07pm

          Re: Re:

          Herrick. Yes, That would be good.

          Are you in favor of tribal hatred, too? Do you think people should be punished on behalf of their ancestors, without regard to what they actually do in their lives? Do you think once group should be forced to give their property (labor) to another, in return for the other group giving property (labor) first? Does it ever end?

          What happened to the liberals?

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • identicon
            Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 10:08pm

            Re: Re: Re:

            Wait, are you saying that in the future, we might have to pay reparations for reparations, and then again?

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • identicon
            Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 10:21pm

            Re: 3.4% of people agree with you

            No

            Next stupid question.

            Here’s one with a yes answer bro

            Are you a fucking idiot?

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • identicon
            Anonymous Coward, 5 May 2019 @ 11:03pm

            Re: Re: Re:

            Herrick. Yes, That would be good.

            Yes, John Smith has never gotten over the heartbreak of Herrick being unable to sue Grindr in his crusade against Section 230. He's remained surprisingly silent about it.

            The rest of your rant has nothing to do with whether or not Shiva Ayyadurai invented email. A judge said he didn't. He disagreed and has paid money to get lawyers to tear apart anyone who disagrees with him. That behavior deserves mockery. And since your basis of supporting him is what Massachusetts tiger fairies whisper into your Melania Trump dreams at night, so do you.

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

            • icon
              That One Guy (profile), 5 May 2019 @ 11:55pm

              Re: Re: Re: Re:

              The rest of your rant has nothing to do with whether or not Shiva Ayyadurai invented email. A judge said he didn't.

              To be accurate at least as far as the TD case went(the only one I'm aware of that actually involved any weighing of the merits) it wasn't that the judge said that he didn't, but rather that it wasn't really possible to tell who did, and therefore claims as to who did and who didn't were opinion more than statements of fact(the fact that those statements were backed up by extensive evidence and citations mind to support that 'opinion' certainly didn't hurt TD). And then of course the case was dismissed because without the ability to scream 'Defamation!' he had absolutely nothing left, such that there was no need to go any farther than that.

              However, given how obsessed he was in asserting that he invented email(even to the point of repulsively using someone else's death in a downright pathetic attempt to 'correct the record'), even that ruling was damning for him, because if it really was as obvious as he'd like people to think then it should have been trivial for him to demonstrate not only that TD was wrong, but that they had no reasonable grounds to not know that they were wrong, something which he couldn't do(likely because of all that pesky 'evidence' and 'facts' getting in the way).

              reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

              • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
                identicon
                Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 12:34am

                Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                I heard that Shiva and Charles have a new suit ready to go. They’re in the process of gathering evidence regarding how many times Shiva was referenced by “anonymous” posters, and how many derogatory terms were used about him.

                So, if I were you, I would be extra careful now. Don’t say any more negative things about Shiva (or Charles) or you will pay an immense price. Huge price. Very Very Bigly. Don’t do it.

                Be nice. Straighten up. Clean up or language, and your manners. Or face the consequences.

                reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                • identicon
                  Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 1:48am

                  Re: can’t stop won’t stop

                  To quote that old, impotent, fuckwit Jhon Boi Smythe.

                  “Bring it on motherfucker.”

                  You’re just as much of a liar and coward as he is bro.

                  reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                • identicon
                  Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 2:59am

                  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                  I heard that Shiva and Charles have a new suit ready to go

                  I was wondering how the current appeal was going, which boiled down to "fine, the judge failed to define Shiva as the sole inventor of email, but I think Techdirt is still a big meanie poo-poo pants so I'm going to tear them a new asshole". Thanks for confirming it went as far as Shiva's attempt at politics: nowhere.

                  referenced by “anonymous” posters, and how many derogatory terms were used about him

                  Let's see... you want to limit the "reputation damage" from undesirable remarks thrown in Shiva's general direction, and instead of going for larger media outlets such as WaPo, Ars Technica, Slashdot - you do it here. The site that critics claim is read by no one other than 27 Bangladeshis.

                  This is the equivalent of eliminating a plague of mosquitoes by going down a suburban street, torching every house in reach with a napalm flamethrower... in the wrong state!

                  Don’t say any more negative things about Shiva

                  Can I say he lost to Elizabeth Warren, though? And that a judge failed to prove he invented email? Or is that going to make him throw another tantrum?

                  or Charles

                  Funny, last I checked most of the jokes at Shiva's expense didn't focus on his lawyer. Harder isn't as worthy of ridicule. He's the patsy to Shiva and seems to encourage doubling down on a hopeless case, but even he knew to walk away from defending the Trump administration, so he's not completely lost. At least Charles Harder didn't make physical harassment of people he didn't agree with the crux of his political career.

                  Be nice. Straighten up. Clean up or language, and your manners.

                  Your buddy "John Smith" regularly makes threats about anally penetrating Asperger's syndrome sufferers. How many glass houses have you wrecked with those stones, now?

                  Or face the consequences.

                  Sure, I guess. Paying a judge to decide if Shiva invented email didn't work out. Playing the race card in the political campaign against Elizabeth Warren didn't work out. So I suppose if Shiva wants to go all out in a blaze of spectacular failure, trying to spend thousands of dollars on suing 27 South Asians with non-existent monetary, political or social clout is the obvious next step.

                  I see you've also given up on that list of "thousands of inventors" hurt by the fact that Techdirt exists, now that Janice Duffy dropped out of that selection... never mind that the list comprised no inventors and mostly people in the SEO/reputation business.

                  So... yeah. Go for it. Find all the faceless nerds posting in their parents' basements to satisfy your obsessive-compulsive need for control. Bleed your resources dry trying to pull people from miles of mountains and oceans away. I'm simply shaking in my shoes.

                  Pardon me if I choose not to hold my breath for anything substantial to come of this outside of you spewing more Melania Trump/Shiva Ayyadurai presidency fanfiction.

                  reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                  • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
                    identicon
                    Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 5:20am

                    Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                    You have no idea the huge chain of events that will result from your comment (above). First, someone might read it. Then, whether someone read it or not, someone might say that someone read it. And then, after reading it, whether imaginary or not, something happened. Something bad. Something infinitely worse than the worst thing that you can imagine, even if you’re stoned, and paranoid, and schizophrenic, and high, and distorted, and otherwise susceptible to negative thoughts, really bad things: you understand? YOU ARE COLLUDING WITH THE RUSSIAN! AND YOUR POST PROVES IT! YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY APPEAR BEFORE CONGRESS! OR ELSE! We will arrest you. And imprison you. And make you share a cell with Chelsea Manning, and Mike, together, as a couple. Oh wait, did you write that comment? Are you sure? Are you CIA? NSA? FBI? FSB? WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?

                    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                    • identicon
                      Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 6:02am

                      Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                      No, I don't think anyone has any idea of the imaginary forces you're capable of deploying in your head.

                      But go ahead and try. I'm sure the government of a country is going to bend its ass way over backwards to satisfy the whims of a delusional lunatic.

                      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                      • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
                        identicon
                        Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 6:15am

                        Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                        That’s the point! Delusion - Russian Delusion! Wow, you’re smart, and insightful.

                        Watch the news! I think what we have here in a case of passive collusion! You would agree with that (and Brennan), right? No facts, nothing to prove your point, and that’s the POINT! The absence of evidence is a FACT, and that FACT means that someone HID the Evidence because they have a guilty conscience and they live in someone else’s brain RENT FREE< like Hillary Clinton!

                        What’s left to say? A booming economy, prosperity, anyone can get a job if they want it, even Don Lemon, he’s going to need a job, right? Can yo find the bozo running for President? Is he eating fried chicken in congress, smearing his jowls in dead carcass grease? Would you vote for him?

                        Is FOX news going to take over the world? Wow, no one is watching those other losers anymore. Ask Greg! He Knows!

                        And the government will quickly bend over, especially if you vote for them. Got that? That’s how it works! Quit Blaming! Right Now!

                        The Media is like Donnie Brasco - they got too far in and now they can’t get out!

                        Does Hillary actually know she lost? I’m not sure!

                        Is Russia working for Putin? Or is the summary of the Russian Collusion report not as good as the report itself? Is that a good reason to put AG Barr in PRISON?

                        You tell me. You’re the sane one. RIght? Right?

                        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                        • identicon
                          Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 6:42am

                          Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                          I like how you spent all that garbage to personally admit that you're not sane.

                          Then again a broken clock is right twice a day, once if it's a 24 hour clock, so that's not saying much.

                          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                          • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
                            identicon
                            Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 6:52am

                            Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                            No, I meant compared to Comey, or Brennan, or Obama, the Russian Collusion Promoters.

                            Do you know why the Democrats are talking about Jail for Barr? Jail is real! People are going! Just not Barr (obviously). Lock Comey Up! (Wow,that felt good)

                            Did you know that Jerry Nadler’s SON Works for GIbbon Dunn and Crutcher? GIbbon? Really? Oh yeah, they’re the Monkey Photographer people! Wow. I think Nadler is part Monkey, and that’s why he (through his son) got in so easily into such a prestigious law firm (who helped the monkey pro-bono). And Bush! Did you know that? Bush would not be president with GDC! And the Monkey would not be a legitimate Photographer! Great firm, IMHO.

                            Anyway, you understand now? You’re the sane one, right? Not like the crazy intelligence community who fabricated the whole Russian Collusion fever dream, you’re not them, right? Because if you are, YOU”RE GOING TO JAIL!

                            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                            • identicon
                              Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 7:00am

                              Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                              Oh, don't sell yourself short. Your fanaticism is something else, dreaming of Shiva's victory. Even after it didn't come to pass.

                              Shine on, you crazy diamond.

                              reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                              • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
                                identicon
                                Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 7:15am

                                Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                                Now I dream of General Barr, don’t you? What a man! He doesn’t have a horse, like my friend Roy Moore (a big strapping man) but he looks unflappable, don’t you agree?

                                Do you remember General Washington? I knew him quite well, in another life. And you know what? He became President! And now, well, you get it, right? We have another war, with the left, and we have another general, in General Barr. And in my opinion, their breath smells pretty much the same, and I think they used the same deodorant, and General Barr likes Bagpipes! Didn’t Washington play bagpipes when he crossed the Potomac? Did you know that? Just like my great great great great great great great Bagpipe Playing relative, Alex. Same tunes, too. Have you listen to Barr play? Smell his bagpipe, does it smell familiar? Wow, I think so.

                                President Barr. You heard it here first. I like Roy Moore, too, but his horse said something I didn’t like. No horse in the Whitehouse, right? Well, maybe the is horse is OK, but then no dog. Not a dog and a horse, that would just be too much.

                                What do you think? President Barr, on a horse, with a dog alongside? God Bless Roy Moore, he can be a senator, and give Barr his horse.

                                That’s EXACTLY the kind of compromise we need in Washington.

                                You can have the election stolen from you, according to Hillary. It’s over, Hillary. The Americans won. You ok, honey? She needs some single payer health care.

                                reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                                • icon
                                  Stephen T. Stone (profile), 6 May 2019 @ 7:23am

                                  Now I dream of General Barr, don’t you? What a man! He doesn’t have a horse, like my friend Roy Moore (a big strapping man) but he looks unflappable, don’t you agree?

                                  Being gay is not shameful. Sexually fantasizing about men like Barr and Moore, on the other hand…

                                  reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                                • identicon
                                  Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 5:48pm

                                  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                                  I think the funniest thing is how you gleefully abandoned dreaming of Shiva Ayyadurai as the president after he done fucked up in the courts and in the political arena. You're a sad pathetic hack, Hamilton. And given the dregs that John Smith is that's saying a lot.

                                  I'll be waiting for you and Harder to burn millions of dollars crossing the oceans to hunt me down. Bring it, you bunch of impotent knuckledraggers.

                                  reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                                • identicon
                                  Roy Rogers, 14 May 2019 @ 5:12pm

                                  Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                                  You like horses? I have a horse for you.

                                  Oops! Can you pick up that quarter for me please?

                                  reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                            • identicon
                              Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 8:44am

                              Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                              Little rabid there. Need a torch and pitchfork? There was massive Russian interference. People in Trump's campaign where mixed with the Russians. It would have been criminal not to investigate. Just like it would have been criminal not to investigate Hillary email scandal. While the Muller report showed there was no direct collusion, it did prove massive interference and possibly obstruction.

                              reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                • icon
                  Stephen T. Stone (profile), 6 May 2019 @ 7:20am

                  They’re in the process of gathering evidence regarding how many times Shiva was referenced by “anonymous” posters, and how many derogatory terms were used about him.

                  …so what?

                  Unless the two of them can prove, definitively, that anything said about them by anyone here (or elsewhere on the Internet) rises to the level of defamation, it is all legally protected speech that neither of them can do a damn thing about except whine about how it does not flatter them. If they want their asses kissed without question, they can (and should) pay someone to do it.

                  reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

                  • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
                    identicon
                    Anonymous Coward, 6 May 2019 @ 7:24am

                    Re:

                    Well, Stephe, I just talked to Shiva, and he says OK - he will pay for you to kiss his ass.

                    He’s thinking $100, one time fee, and he gets to selfie you doing it, and post it on Instagram, and Techdirt.

                    Deal?

                    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        That One Guy (profile), 5 May 2019 @ 11:07pm

        'minor shred' implies a higher than zero amount

        Please cite the comment in which I said this. I mean, unless you want to lose whatever minor shred of credibility you have left by openly lying about me saying things I have never said.

        That bus has not only left the station, it's left the solar system and is well on it's way out of the local galaxy.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          ryuugami, 6 May 2019 @ 2:59am

          Re: 'minor shred' implies a higher than zero amount

          Little known fact: the Large Hadron Collider was originally built to look for remaining shreds of his credibility.

          When that endeavor failed, LHC was repurposed to search for Higgs' Boson and quarks and shit.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            FlatZOut (profile), 6 May 2019 @ 7:05pm

            Re: Re: 'minor shred' implies a higher than zero amount

            Huh... no wonder science can’t prove how credible his words are.

            Einstein sure can’t figure him out, either.

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]


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