TSA To Require Separate Scanning Of Electronics 'Bigger Than Cellphone'

(Mis)Uses of Technology

from the brought-to-by-minds-'smaller-than-most' dept

The TSA is still in the business of making sure none of your stuff is inside other stuff. Liquids. Laptops. Other things that confuse/frighten failed mall cops. After engaging in a “successful” trial program in ten airports, the TSA is expanding its theater troupe’s infliction of misery to airports around the nation.

To ensure the security of airline passengers and the nation’s airports, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is implementing new, stronger screening procedures for carry-on items that require travelers to place all electronics larger than a cell phone in bins for X-ray screening in standard lanes. Following extensive testing and successful pilots at 10 airports, TSA plans to expand these measures to all U.S. airports during the weeks and months ahead.

[…]

As new procedures are phased in, TSA officers will begin to ask travelers to remove electronics larger than a cell phone from their carry-on bags and place them in a bin with nothing on top or below, similar to how laptops have been screened for years. This simple step helps TSA officers obtain a clearer X-ray image.

The press release comes with zero clarification on what “larger than a cellphone” means. Over the last eight years, the size of my smartphone has increased to “larger than a cellphone” when compared to the 2009 iteration. Is this phone/not phone call going to be made by screeners? Is a flip-phone-using former gym teacher who changed careers after reading a particularly effective pizza box ad going to decide travelers’ smartphones are nothing more than small tablets and force them to drop them in a bin where they can be pawed at by TSA probers further down the security line?

Because that’s exactly the sort of thing we don’t need: more TSA personnel/policies stating that bigger is more dangerous. We already have the problem with laptops because the TSA’s math says potential threat level is directly proportionate to screen size.

If this doesn’t sound like much fun or make much sense, not to worry: the TSA will sell some rights and privileges back to you after a background check and a personal check (from you to the TSA). All others will be expected to dump their electronics in bins and engage in fruitless arguments about whether the phone they’re carrying is a cellphone or “larger than a cellphone.”

But that’s ok, because the TSA is oh so concerned about you, dear traveler:

“Whether you’re flying to, from, or within the United States, TSA is committed to raising the baseline for aviation security by strengthening the overall security of our commercial aviation network to keep flying as a safe option for everyone,” said TSA Acting Administrator Huban A. Gowadia.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!

Hahahahaaaa!

Haha… oh my god, she’s serious.

God bless the TSA, where enhanced screening is something to be inflicted on travelers, but never job applicants.

The TSA notes this change “may” cause delays during screening, which can be read as “will,” especially as everyone gets the hang of the latest thing the TSA’s doing (including the TSA). More items will be headed to checked bags, which works out for airlines. And more people will be piled up at security checkpoints, which works out well for terrorists.

Filed Under: electronics, scanning, security theater, tsa