eBay Banishes Demons, Djinns, Work-From-Home Schemes And Other Hellspawn
from the empower-your-earning-ability-with-this-One-Simple-Spell! dept
eBay's Fall Seller Update has just arrived, bringing with it several tables, FAQs, a bullet-pointed “Best Practices,” and sadly, to the purveyors of certain goods, a list of categories that will no longer be welcome within the confines of
Paypal Fraud Central eBay's listings.
Several “metaphysical” categories are being dropped as of August 30th, and sellers will have to remove listings for “spells, curses, hexing, conjuring, magic, prayers, blessing services, magic potions, [and] healing sessions.” Sadly, eBay says that “transactions in these categories often result in issues between the buyer and seller that are difficult to resolve,” resulting in the discontinuation.
The full list of dropped categories also includes the following items:
work from home businesses & information; wholesale lists, and drop shop lists
It's not often that someone (inadvertently) makes the clear statement that, yes, work-at-home “information” is about as useful as a Haunted Magical Male Dog Familiar.
I have no doubt that any issues arising between the sellers of these “goods” and the purchasers would be “difficult to resolve.” I can only imagine the response team asking questions such as “Did you feel you weren't getting scammed quickly enough?” or “Do you feel that the three day period was inadequate to test proper bonding with the dog spirit contained in the aquarium decor rock you picked up at a highly inflated price?” This means that these sellers will most likely have to relocate to the welcoming confines of
Human Trafficking, LLC Craigslist, where buyers and sellers will be able to better match up vendors with victims, thanks to region-specific listings.
Or, you know, just stay there.
While this news is likely disheartening to your average small businesswiccan and clickfraudster, it's probably for the best. The mantra around various suburbs, rural co-ops and unincorporated townships has always been “Put your money back into the community. Think Globally. Shop locally!” With these “alternative” businesses being shunted back to Craigslist (it's almost as if they never left!), citizens will be able to turn to their friends and neighbors for their next Incubus Succubus DJINN Summoning Spell or Doctor Job, Employment Website Sale. And that's the way things should be. Local merchants preying on local victims, all the while “thinking globally” about which offshore location would make a decent retirement spot.
Of course, as with any shakeup, there's bound to be a few victims. Due to eBay's culling of the categories, we may never know if this Haunted Doll Has Spirit Of An 18 YR Old Jogger Found Strangled To Death will ever find a happy home in which to “scream out loud and break things out of anger.” But, if you act quickly, you could be the lucky person to give this possessed and needy doll “alot of attention,” in order to prevent her from “screaming at night banging on the walls and knocking things over.”
Perhaps picking up a cushy Doctor Job would give you the additional at-home time needed to give this doll your undivided attention, as well as allow you to get used to its “tendency to stare at people where it gets to the point of being very uncomfortable.” Perhaps Haunted Doll could pitch in and babysit, giving you a much-needed night away from all the screaming, breaking and staring. After all, she is “good with kids and pets.”