eBay Banishes Demons, Djinns, Work-From-Home Schemes And Other Hellspawn

from the empower-your-earning-ability-with-this-One-Simple-Spell! dept

eBay's Fall Seller Update has just arrived, bringing with it several tables, FAQs, a bullet-pointed “Best Practices,” and sadly, to the purveyors of certain goods, a list of categories that will no longer be welcome within the confines of Paypal Fraud Central eBay's listings. 

Several “metaphysical” categories are being dropped as of August 30th, and sellers will have to remove listings for “spells, curses, hexing, conjuring, magic, prayers, blessing services, magic potions, [and] healing sessions.” Sadly, eBay says that “transactions in these categories often result in issues between the buyer and seller that are difficult to resolve,” resulting in the discontinuation.

The full list of dropped categories also includes the following items:

work from home businesses & information; wholesale lists, and drop shop lists

It's not often that someone (inadvertently) makes the clear statement that, yes, work-at-home “information” is about as useful as a Haunted Magical Male Dog Familiar.

I have no doubt that any issues arising between the sellers of these “goods” and the purchasers would be “difficult to resolve.” I can only imagine the response team asking questions such as “Did you feel you weren't getting scammed quickly enough?” or “Do you feel that the three day period was inadequate to test proper bonding with the dog spirit contained in the aquarium decor rock you picked up at a highly inflated price?”  This means that these sellers will most likely have to relocate to the welcoming confines of Human Trafficking, LLC Craigslist, where buyers and sellers will be able to better match up vendors with victims, thanks to region-specific listings.

Or, you know, just stay there.

While this news is likely disheartening to your average small businesswiccan and clickfraudster, it's probably for the best. The mantra around various suburbs, rural co-ops and unincorporated townships has always been “Put your money back into the community. Think Globally. Shop locally!” With these “alternative” businesses being shunted back to Craigslist (it's almost as if they never left!), citizens will be able to turn to their friends and neighbors for their next Incubus Succubus DJINN Summoning Spell or Doctor Job, Employment Website Sale. And that's the way things should be. Local merchants preying on local victims, all the while “thinking globally” about which offshore location would make a decent retirement spot.

Of course, as with any shakeup, there's bound to be a few victims. Due to eBay's culling of the categories, we may never know if this Haunted Doll Has Spirit Of An 18 YR Old Jogger Found Strangled To Death will ever find a happy home in which to “scream out loud and break things out of anger.” But, if you act quickly, you could be the lucky person to give this possessed and needy doll “alot of attention,” in order to prevent her from “screaming at night banging on the walls and knocking things over.”

Perhaps picking up a cushy Doctor Job would give you the additional at-home time needed to give this doll your undivided attention, as well as allow you to get used to its “tendency to stare at people where it gets to the point of being very uncomfortable.” Perhaps Haunted Doll could pitch in and babysit, giving you a much-needed night away from all the screaming, breaking and staring. After all, she is “good with kids and pets.”


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Companies: ebay

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Comments on “eBay Banishes Demons, Djinns, Work-From-Home Schemes And Other Hellspawn”

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Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile) says:

Re: Re:

To actually stop piracy, I think you have to shell out for something in djinn form, like a “Royalty Succubus Djinn Infringement Dispel Sharebee Demon SOPA DotcoM SkrilleX.”

Guaranteed to stop all infringement within 3 days! If infringement continues, please contact us for an immediate [6 to 8 weeks] refund [less packaging, distribution, advances, digital conversion expenses, ivory backscratcher monies].

Act now and received one (1) Trichordist feature post absolutely almost free! [Price of “almost free” post does not include applicable royalties, licensing fees and rhetorical devices {$1.99-$4.99/ea.}]

Offer not valid in most states. Please consult a physician before, during and after use. Apply gentle pressure to stop bleeding.

That Anonymous Coward (profile) says:

Re: I feel...

Isn’t the better question how long as eBay allowed these postings?

And how many complaints did it take before it stopped being profitable for them?

In the larger picture one could point out that no matter the format, hucksters often find a way to right technology forward. Chain Letters moved easily from snail to e-mail.

That people want to believe in wacky outside forces rather than accept their own faults in these matters.
(See also MPAA/RIAA/IFPI/et al vs the world for more coverage.)

That some people implicitly trust what the magic box tells them is true, if you spam this all over FaceBook we all get free trips to Disney from Bill Gates!

That a tech company has sat by for YEARS taking their cut of every single one of these transactions, and created subdivisions to house them… until it became a burden. But Craigslist is guilty of selling children for sex because people use the platform that way and CL needs to do more… where were these people in trying to stop eBay from making spells, hexes, etc profitable for themselves by allowing people to be scammed?

I point out its Friday, this was posted in the evening, and its very possible Tim might have had 1 or 2 adult beverages. On the upside I have an auction on eBay right now for a spell to sober him right up… just give me your credit card number…

Atkray (profile) says:

Re: Re:

For those of us that have just spent 50-70 hrs of the last week trying to eek out an existence, while simultaneously trying to cope with the repeated assaults on our freedoms and liberties from the likes of the …AA’s and other morally bankrupt individuals, corporations, and governments, this provides some entertainment that doesn’t kill brain cells.

It’s Friday evening, time to lighten up.

Rapnel (profile) says:


Ebay is ass right up there with paypal, I think. I am simply astonished at the amount of ‘paypal’ only listings. Pal? Nobody that forms walls of distrust such as these folks do, in the name of whatever the hell their actions align with, is a pal-o-mine.

Is there something special about sellers jockeying for feedback to the point of ‘if you have something not stellar to say and actually say it we will rip you a new ass’ that I should know about? You sellers let these guys skim your revenue why? Oh right because Google search would have your site listing on the way-down-low. I get it. Torrents suffer from that too, I think.

I think I had a point or an opinion about something, somewhere, else. It’s gone. In lieu of knowing what I was thinking on a minute ago, you know, about the article, that I really don’t want to read again to make an attempt at recall, I will simply insult bob because he is not really bob after all, I think. bob may be dangerous, I would go so far as to say that he may even have issues with cats, hard to say. Anyway, bob needs rehabilitation as he suffers from .. something, something long and official sounding that I can’t pronounce, or spell, but he suffers from it. I’m sure of it. So sure that I, well I don’t know but I’m certainly sure of it. Of that I am certain. Certainly. and for those that just wasted 30 seconds – hat tip. These things take time. Time! That was it. Fuck me, it had nothing to do with the article..

DogBreath says:

Re: Re:

I think. bob may be dangerous,

Thanks for reminding me of an old favorite Far Side comic, which I believe said something like “As if they say, a little knowledge is dangerous, then Bob is the deadliest man alive.”

One of those “post it on the bulletin board” keepers, as at the time I worked with a guy named “Bob” and he was, with his lack of knowledge,foresight and hindsight, definitely the “deadliest man alive”. Good times.

Anonymous Coward says:

Re: Re:

I think the idea of naked house calls has merit…it was even turned into a movie…you know the one where the sexy client answers the door clad only in a revealing maid outfit and asks you come in and show her your tool(s). And then Joe the naked plumber rings the door bell.I can’t remember the name of it though.

G Thompson (profile) says:

So under this “decree” of Ebay’s (which could be considered interference under some jurisdictions) I see that any religious text whatsoever will not be allowed to be sold.

This includes but is not limited to The Bible (any version), Torah, etc etc.

This would also include any study material like textbooks for religious study groups that have prayers in them.

Though I suspect they are only doing this to get rid of non Abrahamic religions. Though one Abrahamic religion – Islam – will be next on the list of categories verboten I guess.

letherial (profile) says:

Buyer to ebay: My wish potion didnt work, i bought it on your site, i want my money back.
Ebay: a wish potion?
Buyer: Yes a wish potion, as you can see, i am guaranteed one wish, i drank the liquid and made a wish and nothing happened
Ebay: errr….I think its time to remove ‘potions’ from our category’s, as well as anything else that probably wont happen, sorry, no wish for you.
Buyer: but but but…

LDoBe (profile) says:

Re: Re:

I gotta say I agree! While magic, homeopathy, and get rich quick schemes are complete scams and ethically reprehensible, anyone seeking these things really deserve exactly what they get: Nothing, or scammed.

They’re so obvious and transparent that anyone who’s fooled deserve it. It’s essentially economic natural selection, and is essentially the same as buying “Fresh” seafood out of the back of a van in in rural Colorado.

That Anonymous Coward (profile) says:

Re: Re:

Really? Have you not met the people who fall for the advance fee fraud scams via email?

We have people handing money to preachers in this country who tell people all of their problems are from not giving enough to the church, or being good enough, or bad people working against them.

If you dress them in crystals and feathers or a mitre it all is telling people its not your fault your life is bad, come with me and I can make it all better.

This also works in you dress them up in an elephant or donkey suit, they tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth and take your money and leave you waiting for your wishes to come true.

What is your view of eBay making money off of offering the platform for these things to be sold?

fairuse (profile) says:

Re: Re:

Selling a dream is big bucks. No different than the late night yammer, “With my ground breaking system you too can make 1000 USD a week..

[B roll — fancy cars, hot females and a big house] ..

I am willing to give you my secret to financial success for just 19.99 (s/h extra).”.. and on and on ad nauseam for as long as the huckster wants to talk.

That Anonymous Coward (profile) says:

Re: No more Ghost in a Jar?


And I think the big difference is your dealing with actual objects. With many of the spells, hexes, etc your dealing with “intangible” items that are never delivered.

A story around an item can be whimsical, farcical, etc… but in the end your bidding on an object. The story doesn’t promise this object will regrow your hair, make someone fall in love with you, or summon a demonic beast to sex you up.

Scote (profile) says:

Re: Antiqueness is also intangible

It is a bit hypocritical of eBay to ban items claimed to be imbued with intangible qualities like possession items when it continues to allow the sale of antiques.

Some antiques sell solely for value of their craftsmanship, but others sell for the intangible “provenance’. The same is true for any item sold because it is claimed to have been owned by a celebrity.

Anonymous Coward says:

So what? I signed up there to buy something and it was a pain in the ass. First I had to register then after about 20 minutes I finally got to order something only to find they don’t like debit cards, even though I had a PayPal account (which they own), so I couldn’t buy anything there. They wouldn’t accept my Visa Debit card. Told it it was invalid. I found it to be a horrible experience which I never want to repeat. So I went to another web site and bought what I wanted, didn’t even have to register. The thing I really regret is now I can’t cancel or delete my account with them, so they still have all my information in their database including my debit card number. I don’t like them. They are a data sucker. You know the type, they collect info on people, and the thought of what they do with it scares me to death.

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