Details Emerge On Best Buy's 'Music Cloud' Service
from the press-your-computer's-power-button?-that's-$49 dept
Always striving to prove that they’re on the cutting edge of the technological curve (how’s that for "turning a phrase?"), Best Buy has announced that, why not? it will be offering some sort of music cloud service as well, thrillingly named "Music Cloud." While information is still trickling out as to licensing issues and whether or not the public was really crying out for a Best Buy-owned cloud service, a few details have emerged.
The following is a mockup (emphasis on the first syllable) of Best Buy’s promotional ad copy for its upcoming Music Cloud:
Can’t wait to do this "cloud thing" that everyone’s already doing? Come to Best Buy!
Simply drop off your computer and one of our Geek Squad™©® members will get you "clouded" in no time.
"No time" = 4-6 hours (4 hour min. @ $79/hr.) to 4-6 weeks (depending on computer complexity/misplacement.)
Can’t make it in to one of our convenient locations? Our Geek Squad™©® members will be more than happy to jam themselves into the nearest VW bug and get this "cloud thing" going from the comfort of your own home!
With either option, you know you’re getting Best Buy’s famous technical expertise!
In-Store Cloud Service
For just $79/hr. (4 hr. min. charge), your personal Geek will:
Stripmine your hard drive of all porn, personal photos, personal data, functioning AV programs and music files. Music will be uploaded to the cloud and accidentally deleted from your hard drive. All other items will remain in place but be conveniently duplicated to your Geek’s personal "cloud" and uploaded later to Facebook and image boards.
Install trial version of various products, including the AV program you didn’t want and multiple trial versions of software you’d never purchase. This "Convenience Package" can be uninstalled for $49.
Provide you with a link to your personal cloud ($29), an email verification form ($7.99)* and a complimentary USB drive (2 GB or lower) from the Returns pile to be used as a personal "take anywhere" pocket cloud or whatever.
* Optional email installation (Gmail, Hotmail or Earthlink – $39)
Sneeze or cough on your computer no less than four(4) times.
Possibly corrupt your hard drive. (Offer not valid in AL, HI or PR.)
Home Cloud Service
For just $149/hr. (4 hr. min. charge), you’ll get all of the above, plus your personal in-home Geek will:
Disconnect your internet service ($19/per occurence).
Comment on the "loveliness" of your home. ($39-$99, depending on sincerity.)
Create some sort of error requiring a trip to the nearest Best Buy for repair. ($"Add to Cart" to see surprisingly high price.)
Hand-copy your login info to the back of his business card ("for quick reference").
Note: additional supplies needed to ensure proper home service will be added to the minimum bill. These include:
- 5′ Ethernet cable – $39
- Blank DVD to create recovery disk – $4.99
- Complimentary Geek Squad pen ($0 if left behind by technician. Otherwise, $4.99.)
- Screen defragmenter – $12.99/bottle (Active ingredients: isopropyl alcohol, Geek palm sweat)
- 5′ Power cord – $19
- Comment card – $2
With your music possibly loaded into our Cloud, you’re now free to go anywhere* and listen to your music at any time!** And all for less than you’d spend on a top-end Airbook! Welcome (belatedly) to the future!* "Anywhere" is defined as any of the contiguous 48 states (excl. TX, MT and VT). Your "Cloud" can be accessed from any Best Buy Certified Computer for up to 6 hours a day or 3 hours continuous play. Other restrictions may apply. See EULA for details.
** "Anytime" is defined as normal store hours. "Cloud" hours will NOT extend during the holiday season. Expect regular interruptions for scheduled maintenance, unscheduled maintenance, "someone forgot to turn it on when they clocked in" and inadvertent login info dissemination.