Indian Filmmakers Plan To Battle Piracy — By Using Pirates' Own Computers Against Them
from the all-your-applications-and-services-are-belong-to-us dept
Alarming news comes our way via TorrentFreak, who detail some brand new (and rather frightening) tactics being deployed by filmmakers in India, where piracy is such a huge problem that the industry was limited to releasing only 1,288 feature films in 2009:
According to Rakshitha, the producer of a new movie called Jogaiah, her company has hired an anti-piracy outfit called Shree Technologies to protect the movie’s soundtrack due to be released later this month.
“The software that we’ve used will help us track each person down, so that we can take action against them. It is much-needed in the film industry,” Rakshitha said this week.
Then, and without explaining exactly how the anti-piracy system will achieve its most extraordinary feat, Prem – the director of the film – drops the bombshell.
“All it requires is for someone to search for the keywords ‘Jogaiah music download’ and it automatically tracks them down,” he said. “If they have a webcam on their system and it’s switched on, it will also capture the photo of the offender.”
While this itself would seem threatening enough, Shree Technologie’s as-of-yet unnamed anti-piracy software has many more features:
ADDITIONAL SERVICES/PROGRAMS USED
- In addition (if their webcam is switched on), the user will be logged on to Chatroulette (Penises Only Rotation*). Their full name, phone number and estimated penis length/openness to random sexual encounters will be displayed below their face.
* Syncs with Hotmail account (if applicable) to turn every third word of outgoing mail to "penis."
- If the user has MS Paint open, their photo will then be pasted onto the body of a stick figure who will be drawn violating random farm animals.* The resulting graphic will then be uploaded to the 4chan /b/ board for further mockery and captions.
* Stick figures and farm animal drawings will be outsourced to Mechanical Turk.
- If the user has MS Word or WordPad open, an angry and threatening letter will be drafted and emailed to the editorial section of the nearest paper of record* via Outlook.** Users of OpenOffice will receive an emailed warning that the Business Software Alliance (BSA) has shown that the use of open source software is surprisingly expensive, along with a rebate certificate good towards the purchase of a more hackable product.
*If the nearest paper of record is the Denver Post, all personal information will be turned over immediately to Righthaven and the user’s name inserted into the byline of the nearest violating article.
**If the user has Outlook fully functional, everyone will be duly surprised and the information will be passed on to the nearest Microsoft marketing team for further study.
- Those with Windows Media Player installed will be blasted with a repeated 8-bar loop of whatever shrill Indian pop song is currently sitting at number one on the pop charts, followed by an equally shrill voice loudly informing them that they should purchase a licensed version to avoid "further embarassment" and a stay at the "Police guest house."
- Those using other free media players (WinAmp, SongBird, etc.) will be hounded into installing some sort of extraneous toolbar. I mean, more so than usual.
- If the user is a member of "The Facebook," his/her status will be immediately set to "I STEAL FROM FILMMAKERS AND MUSICIANS WITHOUT REGARD TO OTHERS AND AM EMBARASSED. If you agree with this, post this as your status, only using my name instead of "I" and report me to your local authorities. ("Me" meaning the original poster and not yourself, the re-poster.)"
- If the user is a member of MySpace, Friendster, etc., the same posting will be made, but nobody will see it. Shree Technologies considers this to be punishment enough.
- If the user has so far refused to join Failbook, Failspace or Failster at this point, he/she shall continue to feel pointlessly superior to the people around them, most of whom have forgotten he/she exists.
ADDITIONAL SEARCH TERMS:
- "Jogiah iTunes download" – User will be berated by various musicians* as accomplices to Apple’s industry killing mechanism.
*Basically just Jon Bon Jovi and Garth Brooks, who have sold a combined eleventy billion albums.
- "Jogiah musick download" – Will redirect to a variety of sketchy Soundcloud pages for the witch house community, swamping the user in montone dirges and abused Unicode.
- "Jogiah megaupload rapidshare mediafire" – Will redirect to "Did you mean: I want to go to jail".
- "Shrill Indian pop music" – Will redirect to this page.
- "Shrill American pop music" – User will be assaulted by the latest shrill pop chart topper from America, followed by a guest rap from Snoop Dogg.
- "Shree Technologies" – Will give you the Indian phone book, metaphorically speaking, but none of the answers you’re looking for.
- "ChatRoulette -penis" – Will redirect to:
Your search – ChatRoulette -penis – did not match any documents.
Make sure all words are spelled correctly.
Try different keywords.
Filed Under: anti-piracy
Comments on “Indian Filmmakers Plan To Battle Piracy — By Using Pirates' Own Computers Against Them”
Amen. That was the first thing I did as well. I think my webcam was shut off. Or nonexistent. I don’t really know if I’ve got one or not seeing I have never had the urge to use it.
If it was on, then they got the picture of a lifetime: a full-frontal face shot of a man typing stuff into Google!
Oh, look! Here I am ravaging what appears to be some sort of 3-legged wildebeest! That’s going in the Mother’s Day Card!
Re: Re: Re:
I searched too. My webcam light didn’t go on, but just in case, before searching, I stripped naked, turned around and spread the ham. Let’s just say the angle was perfect and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel!
Assholes aren’t unique like fingerprints are they?
Anyway, now my wife thinks I’m cheating on her. She called my explanation of “it was for the lulz” “farfetched” and “ludicrous”.
Hands down the most disturbing monopolists ever.
I’m still curious as to how simply typing that search into Google installs their anti-piracy tracking software. Maybe you have to press “I’m Feeling Lucky”?
Re: Re: Re:
Probably. “I’m feeling lucky” often results in Trojans or Viruses.
DUDE! This is the THIRD damn time you’ve psyched me out with these things!
I dunno whether to smack you or high five you…I guess internet props are the best I can do.
The secret is the eyeball-grabbing headline. Up next: “By A Vote Of 5-2, The MPAA Grants Itself The Right To ‘Depose Uncooperative Congressional Representatives.'”
I’ll take a high smack (“five across the eyes”) and the attendant props.
Re: Re: High Smack
There was a Rich Tennant cartoon about that many years ago, featuring a couple of corporation suits recruiting at a college. A young man is doubled over in front of the desk in pain, and the first suit is saying to the second one: ?No, the HAND, not the face!?
april fools? bit late to the party
Apparently, it was an “April, May Fools!”
Perhaps we can also look forward to a “April, May, June Fools!” as well…
Re: Re: Fools!
Fools need no specific date! They don’t stop being fools for the remaining 364 days of the year and neither shall I!
PRetty sure this is illegal, like, everywhere. Seems like it triggers a trojan attack through Google’s searching, then drops a virus on to your computer.
It’s only illegal if you get caught. Which would seem to make bragging about it incredibly stupid.
Then again, I’m not a Bollywood director with 40-50 films to shoot in the next six weeks, so what do I know?
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it’s only illegal if there isn’t some token copyright involved somehow. otherwise it’s DRM so it’s “holy” and inviolable.
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Exactly. It’s not a keylogger. It’s DRM. Its intentions are purely honorable.
The quality of the posts go down when Mike lets the kids run unattended.
Meanwhile, the quality of the trolling ACs’ comments remains the same.
Re: Re: Re:
Hey, you have to admire the consistency, regardless of whether anything else AC says is worth admiring.
Re: Re: Re: Re:
Trust me. I do admire the consistency. It’s somewhere between a smoker’s mucus and a heavy industrial lubricant.
MY four-year-ole daughter trolls better than you.
?Website owners who would like to distribute full length video of Mr.Perfect online through their official websites will get very serious punishments legally,? Raju sad in a press release. ?Imprisonment up to 7 years, both users and the website owners.?
Our jails will be full of everyone.
We simply don’t have the jail capacity to support these nefarious laws.
Well, if there’s one thing the US is certain of: we need more jails. I suppose it could be some sort of stimulus thing, with new jail projects springing up in communities that need the monetary assistance the most and can easily be trained to avoid picking up hitchhikers.
Years down the road, when the jails are full of Bollywood pirates and the local high school team has a Jumbotron and a 40,000-seat stadium, we’ll all shake our heads and concede that it was really about time that dying major industries got their way, rather than being forced to compete like millions of other small businesses.
why are these filmmakers so obsessed with penis? I’ve heard of a freudian slip buy holy crap! I’m now wondering if every single filmmaker who signed up for this idea is 100% homosexual…which, isn’t that basically a pretty taboo thing over in india?
wouldn’t arrange by penis be more than sufficient?
I don’t know if it’s the filmmakers as much as it is the author of this piece attempting to run one joke into the ground.
Theoretically? I’d say it’s a method of shaming via the whole taboo thing.
(That link is what the internet was invented for.)
Is it sad that, as a Linux user, I searched for everything related to this and *know* I am 100% safe? Suck that stupid film industry assholes!
btw, this movie seems stupid. but that may just be me.
The BSA will be in touch soon. Do you have any idea how expensive open source software is? Well, do you?
(The answer is: surprisingly. [Linked above in the article.])
Re: Re: Opensource?
Lol. It’s true! I had to sacrifice everything to get Ubuntu running on all of my machines.
I had to pay for every stinking copy of the OS, and I still have no cash.
Then when I started using the same copy, canonoical called to warn me that I was violating the EULA by not registering every machine.
Now when I have a problem, there’s no free support, because all Internet Forums have blocked discussion on ubuntu.
There’s just nothing to do but switch back to windows ME.
Took me about halfway through the extra stuff to realize this was fake. Props, man.
Was it all the appearances of the word “penis” that clued you in?
I think that is the most disturbing part of all.
When, so called, “film makers” real life actions are so insane that they are easily confused with satire I think maybe these “film makers” need to take a step back and consider their behavior.
Good luck on getting a webcam shot on a computer that doesn’t have one.
Maybe they can team up with Aaron’s Inc.; a rental site that rents computers with keyloggers and the ability to take control of the webcam to take a picture before seeking confiscation of said rental for non-payment.
So I guess we will have to have a ‘penis’ dictionary to make sense of the language eh? *I wonder if there is a market for penis dictionaries. I might want to write one really fast and then sue for a bundle when folks don’t buy it.*
This “penis dictionary” sounds like a solid moneymaker, if only for the potential legal “market” possibilities. Get Aaron’s involved if possible. You really can’t build a decent lawsuit without several shots from the “penis cam” to introduce as evidence.
Jogaiah music download search term? I wonder what happens when you search for Jogaiah music *? Nothing?
Boy a search term that damning uh? Instead of auto-complete we now have a thing called auto-guilt. I wonder if these yoyo’s have thought to license that to the major entertainment studios? That’s gotta be worth a lot of money to them.
You’d think they’d be all over auto-guilt. “Built on Google’s proprietary Self-Incrimination Technology.”
There comes a point...
…where it would be cheaper to deploy a W80 warhead affixed to a BGM-109 missile to the headquarters of a corporation, than to jail the offenders for their crimes…
Re: There comes a point...
Oddly enough, the government never seems to view it that way. “We’d rather pay several billion in prisoner upkeep than cut off the source of all the endless bitching.”
scary stuff…who knows, the next thing these guys might do is uninstall google from my PC. or hell, remove google from the web! gotta be careful these days…
Your search engine will now only return pre-approved results from major industry leaders. That should trim search results back from their current unmanageable millions to a half-dozen or so “sponsored links”.
Can you hear that? That’s the sound of Indian hackers getting pissed off. Good luck, Rakshitha!
I thought I heard a shrill noise…
Should win funniest of the week
Re: This post
We’ll need a new category. Or I’ll just copy and paste as a comment in some unrelated post.
Probably a PR campaign for some mediocre movie, the story seems to have spread quite widely now. However, if they are serious, which seems pretty unlikely technically speaking, then I can’t wait to see the false positives start appearing 😉
Now i see where the vhd in “the ring” came from…
If a company did the basic webcam image capture, you know how hard they would get trolled with spoof name/address and then any obscene thing that can be done in front of the webcam. Hell, if a kid does it, the company would then be a producer of child porn. Too bad companies are that stupid right?
You made me laugh against my will! I got my eye on you mister.
These people need to be used and abused and repeatedly violated and I don?t mean that in the fun perverted kind of way.
Dammit! I am over linking again! 🙂