Keith Alexander's Lobbying Calls To Congress Kicked Off With A Joke About How He Already Had Their Number

from the not-so-funny dept

Last week we had a story about how Nancy Pelosi helped kill the Amash Amendment to defund the controversial practice of having the NSA collect tons of info on every phone call made, in part by dragging along a bunch of Democratic representatives. Now, the National Review has some of the story from the other side of the aisle, about how the GOP leadership tried very very hard to keep the amendment from even coming to the floor, trying all sorts of procedural tricks. Eventually, it appears that John Boehner allowed the amendment to be voted on after a brief chat with Amash — though no one seems exactly sure why. Boehner supports the surveillance program and voted against the amendment (which they note is rare, since he normally abstains from such votes).

However, there is one tidbit in the article that struck me as interesting. We’d already mentioned how Keith Alexander of the NSA went on an emergency lobbying campaign with Congressional reps after learning that the amendment would actually come to a vote, but there’s this little tidbit to add some color:

Alexander, the NSA chief, was forced to personally lobby members, calling their cell phones and opening with a joke that, yes, he already had their number.

I’m all for people in government having a sense of humor. In fact, I think the world might be a better place if more people had a sense of humor, but somehow it seems insanely out of line and not particularly funny that the guy in charge of this massive spy program that we now know is collecting data on every single phone call would then call someone and kick off with a joke about his access to their phone numbers. This is not exactly a joking matter.

Filed Under: congress, jokes, keith alexander, nsa, nsa surveillance

DailyDirt: The American Bacon Obsession

from the urls-we-dig-up dept

Americans reportedly eat, on average, more than 18 pounds of bacon each year. This unhealthy obsession with bacon apparently began in the 1990s when the high-protein, high-fat, low-carb Atkins Diet started gaining popularity. Now there are tons of bacon-inspired products available to the bacon lover, such as bacon ice cream, chocolate-dipped bacon, bacon doughnuts, bacon candy, bacon soap, bacon toothpaste, and bacon air freshener. Here are a few more examples.

• Next time you make yourself a drink, why not make a “Bacon Sour”? All you need is St-Germain Liqueur infused with applewood smoked bacon, Basil Hayden’s Bourbon, lemon juice, maple syrup, Peychaud’s Bitters, and some egg white. [url]
• You can be a real bacon lover with J&D’s Baconlube, a bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil. Apparently, Baconlube began as an elaborate April Fool’s joke, but when J&D’s revealed that it was never intended to be a real product, bacon lovers everywhere protested. So now, for a limited time, you can buy an actual bottle of Baconlube. [url]
• On April 1st (wink), Scope announced that it was introducing an entirely vegetarian (i.e. “synthetic”) bacon-flavored mouthwash. Too bad it’s not real because this idea has potential. Imagine, usually nasty-tasting mouthwash now tastes like bacon, and vegetarians could get a 30-second bacon fix without actually having to eat a pig. [url]

If you’d like to read more awesome and interesting stuff, check out this unrelated (but not entirely random!) Techdirt post via StumbleUpon.

Filed Under: alcohol, bacon, bacon sour, flavoring, food, gag gifts, jokes, mouthwash, novelty
Companies: scope

DailyDirt: Ads Gone Wrong

from the urls-we-dig-up dept

Commercials are always trying to get people’s attention — sometimes by being controversial and sometimes by being shocking. But even when a company tries to broadcast only sensitive and feel-good messages, there will always be some folks pointing out that companies don’t really care about people as much as profits. Here are just a few advertisements that might have just missed getting their message across.

• Why is it that car companies seem to have a hard time NOT making offensive ads? Ford India recently apologized for some terrible ads depicting bound and gagged women in the spacious hatchback trunk of a Ford Figo. But Ford wasn’t the only example, Hyundai and GM also had some horrible commercials to retract recently. [url]
• Dr Pepper posted an ad on Facebook with a common geeky joke, showing the evolution of humans — starting with a chimp-like ancestor and ending with a modern upright person holding a can of his favorite beverage. Poking the beehive of anti-evolution religious folks might be a fairly safe way of creating some controversy, but it probably doesn’t sell that much more sugar water. [url]
• The Economist once ran an ad for itself, asking “Why should women read The Economist?” Maybe publications written by — and read by — mostly men should be a bit more careful when trying to step away from being a “Maxim for nerds”..? [url]

If you’d like to read more awesome and interesting stuff, check out this unrelated (but not entirely random!) Techdirt post via StumbleUpon.

Filed Under: ads, advertising, commercials, economist, failures, jokes, publicity
Companies: dove, dr. pepper, ford, gm, hyundai

Major Media Fails To Fact-Check iPhone Joke

from the egg-on-face dept

Since some folks in traditional media still love to pretend that they are part of a select group of information filters that can provide fact-checked news items and that their internet counterparts cannot, I’m going to keep driving this point home: internet news groups and blogs are no more susceptible to hoaxes than major news media. We saw a wonderful example of it recently with the Manti Te’o story, in which major news not only bought the BS hook, line and sinker, but through their inaction, actually perpetuated the story. Still, while that was a story that was, at best, a very sad case of someone lying their tail off, some examples can provide a little more levity.

Such as, for instance, when the L.A. Times and UPI write up very real accounts of a very fake iPhone case that includes a retractable cup-holder. The kicker being that Network World’s blog dismissed it as a prank days earlier. Writer Paul McNamara didn’t miss the chance to point this out.

Hate to say I told you so … No, wait, I’m fine with saying I told you so: That combination cup holder/iPhone case (right) that was mocked here on Friday is indeed a joke, or a publicity stunt if you prefer (and I do), according to the Dutch marketing firm that pitched it to reporters and the crowdsourcing site Indiegogo.

Yet, despite their forewarning, and despite the pure ridiculousness of a case for a phone where the largest part of the equipment holds a Starbucks coffee cup, the L.A. Times wrote about it in all seriousness.

In a video that can go toe to toe with any of the best infomercials ever made, Natwerk shows off its “Uppercup.” The case is more than two inches thick, but it has a slide out cup holder that iPhone owners can use while they text with two hands or play a video game. Natwerk says the Uppercup will hold any size cup.

They go on to note that the Dutch company has thus far only raised $765 of their $25k goal, which probably should have been a sign that something might be off. They note that it might be something of a publicity stunt, but it wasn’t. It was completely made up. That did not stop UPI from writing up their own piece, based entirely off of the L.A. Times article. UPI does not note anywhere that it might be a hoax or a publicity stunt.

So how much fact-checking would have been required to find out that this was all a joke? Apparently one email from McNamara, asking the marketing company responsible for this if it was a joke. Their response?

Yes, pretty much. For instance, the fact that we’ve made the whole thing about 3 times as thick as necessary we hoped would give away we weren’t all that serious. Nevertheless, we really think it is a cool device and we would really want to have it produced so we can walk around and be cool with it attached to our iPhones.

It was a joke. So, it would appear, were the fact-checking abilities of two writers for major news media. Good thing there are blogs around to filter out their nonsense.

Filed Under: cup holder, fact checking, iphone, jokes

How Do You Say 'Twitter Joke Trial' In Chinese?

from the that's-not-funny dept

Techdirt wrote about how the UK’s Twitter Joke conviction dragged its slow way through the various appeals before finally being resolved with the defendant’s acquittal. As you will recall, the issue was somebody making an ill-advised joke about blowing up an airport if he couldn’t fly out of it:

Robin Hood airport is closed. You’ve got a week and a bit to get your shit together, otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high!!

It’s great that Paul Chambers, the person concerned here, finally emerged victorious in his fight against this ridiculous conviction. But of course the danger that a thoughtless joke on Twitter might have serious consequences remains, as this report from The Epoch Times about a recent case in China highlights:

Four days before the [Chinese Communist] Party’s 18th Congress, when a new set of Chinese leaders was sworn in to rule China, Zhai Xiaobing mocked the event by suggesting it was the latest installment in the Final Destination film franchise. The 2000 supernatural horror movie depicts a teenager whose plane explodes, killing all but a few survivors, who then begin mysteriously dying.

Here’s a translation of what Zhai tweeted (Chinese tweets can contain more content than those written in Western languages because just a few characters can represent a whole word):

Final Destination 6 will be in cinemas on November 6. The Great Hall of the People suddenly collapses, and only seven of the over 2000 people holding a meeting inside survive — but afterwards, they each die, one by one. Is it the game of God, or the fury of the Grim Reaper? How did the mysterious number 18 unlock the gate of hell? The earthshaking world premier opens on November 8!

Obviously, not exactly a rib-tickler, and rather unwise given the extreme sensitivity of the Chinese authorities about this crucial handover of power. But even against that background, the response seems to be unduly severe: arrested and “disappeared”.

Zhai had been accused of “spreading false and terrorist information,” and was taken away by security forces, according to netizen @iamhudi who called Zhai’s wife. The fact that he has been disappeared was later corroborated by two other individuals who visited the family’s house, according to Yaxue Cao, a writer and blogger who maintains contacts in China.

Worryingly, people have also lost contact with his wife, although it’s not yet clear whether she has been arrested too. Zhai’s friends, and supporters of a more liberal approach to Chinese state control of online activities, are doing what they can, which is pretty much limited to online petitions. The precedent for what might happen to him isn’t good. As The Epoch Times story explains:

The first “Twitter criminal,” as she was called, was Wang Yi, an activist who in 2010 mocked hypernationalist young people with the tweet “Angry youth, charge!”

This was determined to be a case of “disturbing social order.” The punishment? One year of re-education in the Henan Women’s Labor Camp.

Perhaps Zhai’s best hope is that the new Chinese leadership might decide to be lenient in this matter so as to create a positive atmosphere among the Chinese people for the start of its ten-year rule over them. Equally, it might not want to sour relationships with the West through imposing a harsh punishment for such a trivial matter, although that is less likely to be a consideration given China’s rising self-confidence. Whatever the reason, let’s hope the outcome of this Chinese Twitter joke story is ultimately the same as that in the UK.

Follow me @glynmoody on Twitter or identi.ca, and on Google+

Filed Under: china, free speech, jokes, tweets

Hall & Oates Convince Super PAC Named After Them To Shut Down

from the but-now-where-will-the-hall-&-oates-fans-put-their-money? dept

There’s been plenty of talk this election season about the rise of PACs and SuperPACs — and the ease of creating them. Of course, that can lead to some bizarre situations. Take, for example the creation of the Hall and Oates Fans for America SuperPAC, which was recently approved by the Federal Election Commission (found via On the Media). The thinking behind it might not surprise you very much:

“It was really just kind of a joke a couple of us came up with drunk one night. I wish I could say there was more to it, but that’s about it,” said [William] Hansmann.

Hansmann stated that the goal of the SuperPAC was “to create parody videos on YouTube.” Seems like as good a use of a SuperPAC as any. As for why they chose famed rock duo Hall & Oates? Well, that was easy:

“When we hit on Hall & Oates, we were just like, who doesn’t love Hall & Oates?” Mr. Hansmann explained.

That may be true… but while everyone may love Hall & Oates… it turns out that Hall & Oates don’t really love being associated with a SuperPAC. They had their people “get in touch” with Hansmann and convince him to shut down the SuperPAC, which had raised all of $0. According to Hall & Oates’ manager, the duo was wary of any political connection whatsoever, even one involving parody videos:

“Daryl Hall and John Oates recognize that the personal view points of their fans cross all political spectrums and are honored to be supported by their fans everywhere regardless of political affiliation… The PAC’s founders recognize that the use of the ‘Hall’ and ‘Oates’ names for the purpose of raising funds is not an appropriate fan activity no matter what the goal of the fund raising activities might be.”

Thankfully, it appears that the dynamic duo and their manager resolved this in a friendly manner, rather than the all-too-typical reaction of some to immediately rush to legal nastygramming.

“Daryl Hall and John Oates are pleased that the amicable dialog with the founders of the Super Pac have brought an expedient resolution to this matter and achieved a result both sides are pleased with.”

Of course, what’s unclear is if the SuperPAC has just been shut down, or is being renamed. Any suggestions on what else it might be called?

Filed Under: hall & oates, jokes, superpac, videos

TSA Declares Themselves Fashion & Funny Police

from the bombs-zomg dept

While we were just discussing an accusation against the TSA for racial profiling (GASP!), did you know that they were also the official state-sponsored fashion and humor police? I mean, who couldn't see these guys adjudicating your local fashion show?

TSA uniforms: like Michael Jackson, but creepier
Image Source. CC BY-SA 2.0

Reader pixelpusher220 writes in about the tale of how one man’s shirt got him booted off of a Delta airplane after passing through TSA security, as recounted by Cory Doctrow.

Back in 2007, I designed a shirt for Woot! that featured a screaming eagle clutching an unlaced shoe and a crushed water bottle, surrounded by the motto MOISTURE BOMBS ZOMG TERRORISTS ZOMG GONNA KILL US ALL ZOMG ZOMG ALERT LEVEL BLOODRED RUN RUN TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES. Among the lucky owners of this garment is Arijit “Poop Strong” Guha, who proudly wore it this week as he headed for a Delta flight from Buffalo-Niagara International Airport to his home in Phoenix.

But it was not to be. First, the TSA Delta agents questioned him closely about the shirt, and made him agree to change it, submit to a secondary screening and board last. He complied with these rules, but then he was pulled aside by multiple Niagara Frontier Transportation Authority cops, more TSA, and a Delta official and searched again.

Apparently the new terror plot is to make you laugh so hard your face explodes

It's worth noting that these shirts were designed by Cory Doctrow and sold as part of a charitable program.

Now, I'll restate it again, Arijit had already gone through the TSA screening when he and his wife were then approached by Delta employees at the gate who informed him that he had committed the crime of making other passengers “uncomfortable”. When Arijit informed the Delta employees that he was wearing the shirt specifically to mock the security theater we call an airport these days, he was put through another round of screening at the gate by several TSA and local agents and then told that he would be allowed to board. The Delta pilot, catching wind of this, requested Arijit not be allowed to board, because laughter would not be tolerated on his enormous hunk of flying metal. Oh, and they also refused to allow his wife to board the plane too. No reason was apparently given for this, but I'm guessing there may have been some plaid mixing with pin-stripes in her outfit, and the pilot found it to be lacking in fabulousness.

Or maybe there was another reason. According to Arijit, the officer wanted to interrogate him further, saying that Arijit had given a “stupid answer” and “looked foreign”:

“Certainly he wasn’t implying that dark-skinned people are not real Americans and that white people are the only true Americans,” Arijit writes in part of his snark-filled synopsis. “Fortunately, Mark’s request was denied. Apparently, someone at NFTA recognized this bigoted meathead for the bigoted meathead he was and that nationality is simply a concept that exists solely on paper and cannot be discerned from just looking at someone.”

And yet he still wasn't allowed on the plane. Was it because of his t-shirt? Was it because the motherfucking eagle on it caused concern amongst passengers? Or, as has been previously accused, was it because too many TSA agents find brown-skinned people suspicious and alarming?

Filed Under: jokes, privacy, security, t-shirts, tsa
Companies: delta

Homeland Security Denies Entrance To UK Tourist Because Of Twitter Joke

from the so-sorry,-too-bad dept

I am actually writing this post sitting in a French airport, getting ready to board my flight back to the US… but I think I’ll hang onto it and post once I’m back in town. That’s because it’s about some UK tourists who were taking a little vacation to the US… until Homeland Security refused them entrance, because one of them had joked on Twitter about digging up the grave of Marilyn Monroe and “destroying” America (by which he meant partying). Apparently, DHS has figured out how to monitor Twitter… but hasn’t figured out what a sense of humor is. (And yes, I made it home and through customs without any trouble).

Filed Under: border patrol, customs, homeland security, jokes, tourists

Yes, Multiple People Come Up With The Same Joke; It's Not 'Stealing' And Not Even Copying

from the let-it-go dept

A few times in the past, we’ve had posts looking at the issue of comedians copying each other’s jokes and whether or not that’s “stealing.” Of course, as discussed at length here, this is clearly a misuse of the word “steal,” but a larger point is that, like so much else in this world, there’s a world of difference between idea and execution. In fact, if you look back at the history of joke telling it was all about “joke stealing,” where people would tell and repeat jokes heard elsewhere. The real question was who could tell it better and perhaps change or embellish it to improve it. In fact, even comedians who complain about “joke stealing” seem to know this intrinsically, as can be seen in the movie The Aristocrats, which involves a ton of comedians all telling the same joke in very, very different ways.

But there’s another angle to this as well: which is that certain joke ideas are so basic that it’s likely many people came up with the same idea. Jackie sent over this great blog post by Irwin Handleman, a TV comedy writer, pointing out how silly it is for people to complain about “joke stealing” involving those types of jokes. He gives an example:

A few weeks ago, after President Obama showed his birth certificate to Donald Trump and the other racists, The Onion’s headline was: “Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama’s Placenta.”

A fine joke. But then Bill Maher went on twitter and wrote: “I see The Onion stole my placenta joke that I did in Feb 2010 HBO special”

Wow. Okay. I’ve never heard of The Onion being accused of stealing in the past. It also seemed a bit presumptuous that everyone has seen that HBO special.

Well, it turns out that The Onion headline was actually a link to something they wrote in August of 2009. Apparently The Onion recycles its content when news stories pop again. They actually did the joke 6 months before Bill did!

Does this mean that Bill stole from The Onion? Of course not. Just like it was dumb to think they stole from him. It happens all the time. In fact, just to show how ridiculous the whole thing is, The Daily Show ended up doing the exact same joke, and Rupaul tweeted it a variation of it as well.

Bill Maher should’ve done what all comedians should do when it comes to this shit: shut the hell up. Let your work speak for itself. The hacks will fade, the talented will succeed.

This whole episode was very interesting to us at our show. Because last year, we wrote a line: “Life starts at the erection”. And then 2 months later, Bill Maher said “Life starts at the erection”. Did we say anything? No. It was a coincidence, and we knew it, and we moved on.

Some things aren’t about copying at all, but just about the natural humor of the situation. And Handleman has it right. Getting upset about that kind of thing is ridiculous.

Filed Under: copying, jokes

Scientists Finally Tackle The Age Old 'That's What She Said' Problem

from the it-was-hard-and-it-took-forever dept

Forget the traveling salesman problem or p=np, some computer scientists have finally tackled the really big challenge for computers: teaching them how to understand the innuendo and double entendres necessary to make a “that’s what she said” joke. Yes, all other computer science pale in comparison, so kudos to Chloe Kiddon and Yuriy Brun for tackling such a difficult challenge:

Automating this process means identifying sentences that contain potential euphemisms and follow a particular structure – a “hard natural language understanding problem”, say the researchers. Kiddon and Brun began by analysing two different bodies of text – one containing 1.5 million erotic sentences, and another with 57,000 from standard literature.

They then evaluated nouns, adjectives and verbs with a “sexiness” function to determine whether a sentence is a potential TWSS. Examples of nouns with a high sexiness function are “rod” and “meat”, while raunchy adjectives are “hot” and “wet”.

Their automated system, known as Double Entendre via Noun Transfer or DEviaNT, rates sentences for their TWSS potential by looking for particular elements such as nouns that can be interpreted in multiple ways. The researchers trained DEviaNT by gathering jokes from twssstories.com and non-TWSS text from sites such as wikiquote.org.

Apparently, the system is about 70% accurate so far, but they believe they can get it up to 99.5% accuracy before too long.

I’m sorry, Watson, but this may be the biggest computing/artificial intelligence story of the year. And, already, the race is on to come up with the appropriate jokes. My favorite so far was this quote for the researchers on this project: “It was hard and it took forever.”

Filed Under: computers, double entendre, jokes, that's what she said