Federal Grand Jury Refuses To Indict DC Sandwich Thrower
from the lol-lmao-even dept
We’re all familiar with what grand juries should be able to do to the proverbial ham sandwich. But in Washington DC — the unwilling host of Donald Trump’s martial law test run — federal prosecutors can’t even get an indictment to stick the person throwing the sandwich.
Federal prosecutors on Tuesday were unable to persuade a grand jury to approve a felony indictment against a man who threw a sandwich at a federal agent on the streets of Washington this month, according to two people familiar with the matter.
The grand jury’s rejection of the felony charge was a remarkable failure by the U.S. attorney’s office in Washington and the second time in recent days that a majority of grand jurors refused to vote to indict a person accused of felony assault on a federal agent.
We’re witnessing an ultra-rare form of grand jury nullification, which seems to be far less organized and far more organic than jury nullification efforts seen during trials in open courts. Grand juries aren’t usually in the business of pitching shutouts to prosecutors, given that they’re only asked whether or not they agree the prosecutors’ one-sided presentation might add up to potential criminal charges.
Now, with local hero/hero-thrower Sean Dunn dodging federal charges (while also losing his federal paycheck), the Trump DOJ — as represented (loudly!) by AG Pam Bondi and DC US Attorney Jeanine Pirro — has strung together nothing but a whole lot of embarrassment ever since the administration decided the District of Columbia was incapable of policing itself.
Judges handling trumped-up (why yes possibly intentional pun!) federal charges are (similarly loudly) expressing their disgust with this administration’s shitty totalitarian take on “justice.” DC grand juries — comprised of people who seem less than impressed with Trump’s takeover of the city — continue to frustrate federal prosecutors by no-billing a lot of the assault cases being presented to them by the soulless, vindictive opportunists that still remain on the DOJ payroll.
When federal law enforcement officers aren’t undercutting protections with their continual lies and misrepresentations, grand juries in cities overrun by federal law enforcement officers are now regularly rejecting the ridiculous “assault” allegations being dumped on their collective desk by prosecutors who have abandoned discretion entirely so as not to displease the angry man who signs their paychecks and runs the government almost exclusively via Executive Orders and Truth Social posts.
This situation seems to be getting worse for Trump’s frothy prosecutors with each passing day. Here’s a recent Reuters report, which covers yet another highly-embarrassing, literal strikeout by federal prosecutors in another case they seemed to feel would give them a “win” to gloat about:
Federal prosecutors failed three times to persuade a grand jury to indict a woman accused of assaulting an FBI agent during an immigration operation in Washington, D.C., last month, a highly unusual failure as President Donald Trump’s administration seeks to aggressively charge street crime in the nation’s capital.
Three different federal grand juries declined to indict Sydney Reid for assaulting, resisting, or impeding officers, prosecutors disclosed in a court filing late on Monday. Prosecutors then downgraded the offense to a misdemeanor.
I can only hope that these prosecutors are busy scrubbing their resumes of any mentions of these failed prosecutions. I mean, it’s obvious they’re eventually going to be fired for failing to rack up a bunch of wins for the administration. But it’s going to be a lot harder to explain to future employers that the reason you’re looking for work is because you weren’t quite good enough at fascism to continue to be retained by your former employer. And very few law firms or public entities are going to be willing to hire someone Trump fired because that’s the sort of thing that leads to being targeted by extremely specific Executive Orders.
I’d say something pithy like “you made your bed, now lie in it,” but chances are you’re not even going to have that bed for long, no matter how much effort you put into making it. But if it’s any comfort, I’m sure there are plenty of employment opportunities out there, now that pretty much any occupation with extremely long hours and/or unpleasant working conditions is suffering unprecedented manpower shortages. Grab those bootstraps, bootlickers. If you want to serve an aspiring tyrant, go right ahead. Just do it on your dime from now on.
Filed Under: doj, donald trump, federal officers, grand jury, jeanine pirro, martial law, pam bondi, sean dunn, trump administration, washington dc
Comments on “Federal Grand Jury Refuses To Indict DC Sandwich Thrower”
I don’t think it’s jury nullification in the sense of jurors conspiring against the evidence to reach a verdict based on whatever internal beliefs or prejudices they have. I think the government is just throwing astoundingly weak cases at the wall either to see what sticks, to use the process as the punishment, or (the most likely in my view) because all the competent attorneys are gone and the only people left are real Grade A Schmucks.
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Yes. It’s not jury nullification, because throwing a sandwich isn’t felony assault. At most it should be a misdemeanor of some sort.
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Or rather it’s not jury nullification because that happens at the end of a trial when a jury refuses to convict and isn’t typically applied to a grand jury failing to indict in advance of a trial.
Federal prosecutors failed three times to persuade a grand jury to indict a woman
This should not be allowed. You fail to indict one time and that should be it.
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It’s just more DEI for incompetent white people.
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It’s conservative DEI. Play again until you win.
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On the plus side, they are only wasting taxpayer money without inflicting cost and work on their target: grand jury trials are not involving the defendant.
so the trump lawyers CANT indict a sandwhich?
We all have to throw sandwiches at every cop, soldier, and MAGA acolyte all day every day because every second we’re not doing that means we’re full-blown Nazis who are physically building and operating death camps~.
(Look, if I can take the piss out of that obsessed-with-me loser before he whines about me and my stance on political violence again, I’mma do it.)
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“Only police officers should wield sandwiches!”
—Stephen T. Stone in the troll’s head, probably
Clearly we need to start carrying ham sandwiches instead of meatball hoagies if we wish to settle this in the courts.
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The other joke I saw was, throw a hot dog, and we can finally have a legal determination about whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich.
Take notes judges, this is how you SHOULD be acting
That is a perfect example of an effective form of protest: Refuse to simple believe whatever the regime is telling you, and when it turns out ‘Trust me bro’ is all they’ve got act accordingly.
PREPARE
Sandwich Shops of America.
Prepare for the Biggest Business uptake
Since Sliced bread.
New meaning for Sliders/Slammers and all the rest.
WANT BEEF on that?(Wheres the beef)
Great! Now that it has been decided that we can throw sandwiches, can we also throw dwarf bread?
They don’t need to worry about future employment. When a fascist regime falls, an amazing number of people start to suffer from amnesia.
We have now officially entered the era of jury nullification. The fascists may find ways to take away our votes, but the people will STILL have a voice.