Alert: North Korea Now Capable Of Using Photoshop To Launch Missiles From Submarines

from the shop-skillz dept

Whenever our friends in Pyongyang decide to troll the planet with one of their hilariously bad propaganda pieces, it always makes me wonder just how serious the North Korean regime is about this whole war thing. I mean, using video game footage and music to threaten ‘Merica? C’mon, son. And those photoshopped photo-ops of your human-chicken-dumpling leader just don’t inspire much confidence in the country’s technological capabilities. But it’s when North Korea combines war and fun-bad photoshopping that the real fun begins.

Take the country’s recent press brag, for instance, in which North Korea announces that they’ve managed to launch a missile from a submarine.

Experts, it appears, aren’t all that impressed with the photo. That was particularly the case when the state-run Pyongyang press circulated other photos of the launch that were complete with columns of smoke from the missile, columns of smoke conspicuously absent from the initial photo that was circulated above.

As Markus Schiller and Robert Schmucker, of Schmucker Technologie, told Reuters, “Considering the track record of North Korean deceptions, it seems sensible to assume that any North Korean SLBM [submarine-launched ballistic missile] capability is still a very long time in the future, if it will ever surface.”

What the column-less photo lacked in smoke, it made up for with weird, poorly placed ocean smudges. That reddish patch of water you see to the left of the missile? That’s supposed to be the rocket’s reflection.

And, so, sadly, the only thing this launch report from North Korea tells us is that they still haven’t gotten photoshop down. Oh well. If they ever did get into an actual shooting war again, I suppose they could always just photoshop themselves into some kind of victory pose. Given how often their progress with weapons technology turns out to be non-progress at photo-bullshitting, such a war is probably a remote possibility. Several of the commenters over at Gawker offered to help them out, of course, though this one is probably my favorite.


Call in Mario Marine!

Filed Under: , , ,

Rate this comment as insightful
Rate this comment as funny
You have rated this comment as insightful
You have rated this comment as funny
Flag this comment as abusive/trolling/spam
You have flagged this comment
The first word has already been claimed
The last word has already been claimed
Insightful Lightbulb icon Funny Laughing icon Abusive/trolling/spam Flag icon Insightful badge Lightbulb icon Funny badge Laughing icon Comments icon

Comments on “Alert: North Korea Now Capable Of Using Photoshop To Launch Missiles From Submarines”

Subscribe: RSS Leave a comment
32 Comments
Ninja (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re:

I don’t know how the heck I ended up in this little video about Pyongyang but it got me thinking about the whole issue (I know, I know they only got the ‘better’ side of NK). I mean, the reason computers were shipped to NK is insanity but I find the current sanctions to be largely ineffective in dealing with the dictatorship installed there. Much like the Cuban embargo. Maybe if we didn’t actively contribute to the isolation then it would be easier to get the people to question the regime and change would happen faster. After all we are dealing with a whole lot of human beings up there that have their needs and routines.

Teamchaos (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re: Re:

That was a cool video, thanks for sharing. If you can believe the video they appear to be doing just fine without us. Of course, it was filmed in a city where just about everybody works for the ruling regime. I think the jury is still out on whether loosening the embargo on Cuba will result in weakening the dictatorship there.

Ninja (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re:2 Re:

If you can believe the video they appear to be doing just fine without us.

In Pyongyang maybe yes heh. The guys that made the video were clear in the ‘faq’ question that the regime did not let them film the things that were not absolutely sparkling.

I think the jury is still out on whether loosening the embargo on Cuba will result in weakening the dictatorship there.

Yeah, only time will tell.

Anonymous Coward says:

Re: Re: Re: Re:

Sending computers to NK citizens might not be insanity though. They’re already flooded with small DVD/SVCD/USB media players, you know the kind that never caught much outside Japan from Sony, copycats of that with info about the outside world, even just hollywood movies (which the Jong family are massive fans of and possess copies of almost all movies ever made…at least that was the case of the more recluse kim jong-il who prefered to spend his day in his underwear watching american movies than appear at his own elaborate birthday parties out in Pyongyang.

Anonymous Coward says:

It took years for the Church of Scientology to finally abandon its tradition of Photoshopping its “for internal use only” PR photos. But in the mean time, Scientology’s propaganda wing, the “Office of Special Affairs” kept thinking they just needed to improve their Photoshopping skills, and then everything would be alright. Maybe the North Koreans think the same way, because if nothing else, at least their Photoshopping skills seem to be improving.

That One Guy (profile) says:

Getting it all wrong

Don’t you see, the weapons they are developing and deploying aren’t missiles and jets and whatnot, no, the NK government has moved past them and into the realm of humor as a weapon.

Their efforts in showing off their Photoshop skills(or lack thereof) aren’t meant to show off weapons they don’t have, they are the weapons.

No weapon is perfect at first, and as such it makes sense for these early attempts to be only chuckle worthy, but once they make the breakthrough, and truly grasp the essence of humor(something NK is famous for, as I’m sure you all know) then other, more primitive countries who are still reliant on physical weapons will undoubtedly be brought to their knees in tears of laughter, leaving them wide open for conquest.

DogBreath says:

Re: Getting it all wrong

Don’t you see, the weapons they are developing and deploying aren’t missiles and jets and whatnot, no, the NK government has moved past them and into the realm of humor as a weapon.

Nothing new here. Kim Jong Un is just following in his fathers (Kim Jong Il) footsteps, as clearly seen in his fathers prize winning film (here is the trailer, dubbed in english).

Daydream says:

Silly theory time:

Do you suppose that it might be possible that North Korea actually has some ridiculously powerful weapons in development (nuclear weapons, drones, etc), and is deliberately releasing these obviously-faked photos in order to lull their enemies into believing North Korea is no threat, and therefore not worth expending resources on for the purpose of espionage?

After all, if Kim Jong-Un needs to be photoshopped into these pictures, it implies that he needs to be elsewhere doing something else, possibly something unsavory…

…Or perhaps I should just apply a variation of Hanlon’s Razor; never attribute to genius that which can adequately be explained by stupidity.

dilshad (user link) says:

photoshop

web and graphics design video Training courses

Dear friends?
If you want to become web and graphics designer

please visit my website.
http://d-a-graphic-tutorials.weebly.com

The web and graphics design students to seek courses in this web site are often made
For example:
“”CorelDraw Training video , photoshop Training video , HTML Training video , PDF bOOks and etc…”””
In the simplest video training course to help you become the Web and graphics designer.
thanks…..

Add Your Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Have a Techdirt Account? Sign in now. Want one? Register here

Comment Options:

Make this the or (get credits or sign in to see balance) what's this?

What's this?

Techdirt community members with Techdirt Credits can spotlight a comment as either the "First Word" or "Last Word" on a particular comment thread. Credits can be purchased at the Techdirt Insider Shop »