IP Attorney Responds To Patent Application Rejection By Filing Ranting, Ad Hom 'Remarks'
from the should-try-to-patent-a-scotch-that-isn't-also-a-whiskey dept
There’s a lot of anger directed at the US Patent Office, but it mainly originates with people frustrated by the office’s “rubber stamp” approval process that has littered the road to success with hundreds of trolling speedbumps, each one waving a stack of overly broad patents and demanding that actual innovators hand over enough cash to cover the rent on their empty East Texas offices.
Patently O has uncovered some anger directed at the USPTO, this time coming from the opposite direction. After a client’s application for a telescoping sprinkler was rejected for not being anything the patent office hadn’t seen before, patent attorney Andrew Schroeder fired off an apoplectic set of “remarks” to the patent examiner. It starts by suggesting the examiner has a drinking problem and then sinks even lower. Way lower.
REMARKS: Are you drunk? No, seriously…are you drinking scotch and whiskey with a side of crack cocaine while you “examine” patent applications? (Heavy emphasis on the quotes.) Do you just mail merge rejection letters from your home? Is that what taxpayers are getting in exchange for your services? Have you even read the patent application? I’m curious. Because you either haven’t read the patent application or are… (I don’t want to say the “R” word) “Special.”
Andrew Schroeder is too genteel to actually use the word “retarded,” but that doesn’t stop him from throwing around a bunch of synonymous phrases.
So, tell me something Corky…what would it take for a patent application to be approved? Do we have to write patent applications in crayon? Does a patent application have to come with some sort of pop-up book? Do you have to be a family member or some big law firm who incentivizes you with some other special deal? What does it take Corky?
Perhaps you might want to take your job seriously and actually give a sh.t! What’s the point in having to deal with you Special Olympics rejects when we should just go straight to Appeals? While you idiots sit around in bathtubs farting and picking your noses, you should know that there are people out here who actually give a sh.t about their careers, their work, and their dreams.
The USPTO briefly posted these “remarks” before taking them down (and there’s more of this spectacular rant at Patently O). As for the patent in question (posted below), the patent reviewer found the tripod sprinkler wasn’t anything special, citing U.S. Patent No. 2,694,600, Patent No. 4,824,020 and Patent No. 5,484,154.
Apparently, attorney Andrew Schroeder sent another set of “remarks” to the examiner who rejected this patent application. Oddly enough, it was the same examiner who rejected the sprinkler: Alexander Valvis. This unlucky lightning rod/government employee lists seven patents in this rejection. These remarks have also been removed by the USPTO, somewhat limiting Schroeder’s infamy.
Clients hiring Schroeder to assist them in filing patent applications may be surprised to learn that “antagonizing the USPTO” is one of the bonus services the attorney provides. It’s certainly not included in the long list of services on his fee page. (It does, however, list an intriguing option called “Office Action,” which is available in 2 or 3-hour sessions [$500-$750].) Schroeder’s offerings cover a whole range of IP-related services, many of which are thoroughly “explained” by pages that appear to be still under construction. (Click on the “IP Piracy” page to watch a not-yet-uploaded video futilely attempt to buffer itself into existence and marvel as the attorney’s phone number [the only text on the page] tells you all you need to know about how “IP Law Stops IP Theft.”)
At the end of the day, it appears that patent examiners just can’t catch a break, especially if that patent examiner is Alexander Valvis, bane of Andrew Schroeder’s existence and destroyer of dreams.