Comcast Really Wants Me To Stop Calling Their Top Lobbyist A 'Top Lobbyist'

from the tomato,-tomahto dept

Comcast executive David Cohen is, by dictionary definition, a lobbyist. And not just any lobbyist; a gushing profile piece by the Washington Post in 2012 called him a "wonk rock star" and the company's "secret weapon," who uses "his vast network of high-powered contacts" to help craft Comcast-friendly regulations and apply pressure on DC policy makers. You know, a lobbyist. Unless you're Comcast, which has now e-mailed me repeatedly to demand I stop calling him that.

After I mentioned that Cohen was hosting a $2,700 per plate fundraising dinner for Hillary Clinton last month, I received this e-mail from Comcast spokesperson Sena Fitzmaurice on June 18:
"Karl – your piece today is offensive and inaccurate. David Cohen doesn’t pretend he’s not a lobbyist – he isn’t by the definition of the legal term – we keep very close records of his time and activities to make sure the law is complied with – to imply that we are not complying with the law with no evidence is irresponsible journalism."
You see, the legal DC definition of a lobbyist was beefed up slightly back in 2007, when the Lobbyist Disclosure Act was notably amended by the Leadership and Open Government Act of 2007. Those changes required that if an employee spends more than 20% of their time lobbying, they have to register with the government as a lobbyist, detail their travel with lawmakers, and more fully outline their contributions to politicians and their myriad foundations. Comcast addressed these changes by simply calling Cohen something else.

Cohen's technical title ever since has been Senior Executive Vice President of Comcast Corporation, though more recently the company has been calling him the company's "Chief Diversity Officer" with a big focus on "community investment":
"David L. Cohen is Senior Executive Vice President of Comcast Corporation. David has a broad portfolio of responsibilities, including corporate communications, government and regulatory affairs, public affairs, legal affairs, corporate administration and community investment, and serves as senior counselor to the CEO. He also serves as Chief Diversity Officer for the company."
Cohen played the starring role in selling regulators on Comcast's acquisition of NBC Universal in 2011, crafting conditions it would later be discovered Comcast ignored at its leisure. Cohen's secret weapon during that transaction was Internet Essentials, a program that promised low-income households $10, 5 Mbps broadband for a limited time should they jump through a laundry list of conditions. The program was frequently criticized for being intentionally hard to qualify for, though it provided an endless sea of PR opportunities to help portray Comcast as an agent of pure altruism.

Cohen also spearheads Comcast's entirely-above board (and very common in telecom) practice of giving money to minority groups and organizations with the unwritten expectation that they parrot anti-consumer policy positions. These groups then sing the praises of Comcast's latest merger or sell their constituents downriver on issues like net neutrality, helping to create an artificial sound wall of support for Comcast policies, which, as you may have noticed in your travels, often don't benefit Comcast customers or the internet at large.

So while Cohen is clearly a lobbyist by dictionary definition or for anybody with optic nerves, he's not a lobbyist by legal definition. He's just a guy that really, really loves minority communities and helping the poor, and just happens to spend the lion's share of his time whispering in politicians' and regulators' ears. In fact, as Fitzmaurice was kind enough to illustrate in another e-mail to me on July 18, Cohen has absolutely nothing to do with lobbying whatsoever:
"While I know asking you to be accurate may be futile, David Cohen is not Comcast’s top lobbyist, in fact he is not a lobbyist at all. Lobbyist has a very specific legal definition, and David Cohen does not fit it. David has several different sections of the business which report up to him, only one of which is Government Affairs. The top lobbyist in Washington is Melissa Maxfield."
I responded by informing Fitzmaurice that I'm using the Random House definition of lobbyist, not Washington's intentionally flimsy, watered down definition:

NOUN

1. a person who tries to influence legislation on behalf of a special interest; a member of a lobby.

I write a lot about Comcast. Without bragging (since frankly it's often unpleasant and I'd often rather be doing something else), I might write more about Comcast than potentially anyone on the internet. By and large my experiences with Comcast's public relations department have actually been very positive, and on the very rare instance where they contact me to let me know a data point or statistic is in error (two or three times in a decade, looking at my inbox archive), I'm happy to correct it. But this is curiously the first issue that the company has felt the need to repeatedly reach out to me on, suggesting it's a potentially sensitive subject for some strange reason.

So, out of respect for Comcast's integrity and this nation's great and unimpeachable legal apparatus, I've decided to acquiesce and start calling Cohen something different. I'm tossing around a number of potential titles. Funpants McGillicutty? Comcast's "Overlord of entirely-authentic-and-not-at-all-politically-motivated-altruism"? Doctor Schnitzel-Fuhrer? Surely readers have a few suggestions.

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  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:35am

    What....

    Has everyone not been getting a good look at the Emperor's new clothes or what?

    Ever since Clinton (where my political chops begin) they have all be wearing a fairly fine array of them.

    Nobody likes to call it like it is anymore from Political Correctness to Straight Up treason against the nation... unless of course you are at the wrong end of a disagreement with the power brokers.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:42am

    A rose by any other name...

    Changing the definition of something doesn't mean that you are doing any less of that thing. Perhaps if you didn't want people calling you by a derogatory name, you would stop dragging the word through the mud with your actions.

    Yesterday it was bribery. Today it's lobbying. Tomorrow it'll be something new that will retain its fresh new name smell until once again actions cause it to look bad.

    In summary, if you want people to respect you, stop doing disrespectful things.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Mike (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:43am

    Why not a spoonerism?

    Lob Toppyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Uriel-238 (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:16am

      Or a conspicuous denial

      Comcast executive David Cohen is Totally Not A Lobbyist

      Comcast executive David Cohen is of the Profession Formerly Known As Lobbyist (Ninja'd!)

      Comcast executive David Cohen, while not a lobbyist by any official capacity engaged in some lobbying-like activities such as...

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:44am

    Wow. Even their denials are admissions. funny.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:44am

    Well, you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack" when keep claiming Google Fiber's 27,000 subscribers is driving the industry that serves millions.

    There must be something to that if you object, huh?

    All this story of getting hung up on a label does is inflate your ego.

    Just tell us actions and facts, don't label. Non-fanboy (see how annoying labels are?) readers will decide based on substance, not your opinion.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:48am

    So what would happen if it was found the he was a lobbyist? Hasn't Comcast already paid off anyone who would be involved in enforcing whatever wrist-slap punishment that would potentially be given thus negating the likelihood of ever being discovered to be a lobbyist?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Zonker, 23 Jul 2015 @ 12:13pm

      Re:

      There's nothing to find out, he is already well known as Comcast's top lobbyist. He just lobbied them to not classify him as being subject to the rules that apply to lobbyists and to call him "Chief Diversity Officer" instead. As long as he logs at least 80% of his time as "playing golf with [politician]" to maintain the illusion, the deal is made.

      You see, that's how a top lobbyist gets it done.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:49am

    wormtail

    How about calling him Wormtail? A pathetic excuse for a human being who does the work of his overlord Voldemort Communications. lol

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:31am

      Re: wormtail

      How about Gríma Wormtongue? He lobbied for Saruman in the court of Théoden, much to Rohan's detriment.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    The Burning Map (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:50am

    Riiiight....

    How about "The Lobbyist Formerly Known as the Lobbyist"?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:51am

    Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

    when keep claiming Google Fiber's 27,000 subscribers is driving the industry that serves millions. There must be something to that if you object, huh?

    All this story of getting hung up on a label does is inflate your ego.

    Just tell us actions and facts, don't label. Non-fanboy (see how annoying labels are?) readers will decide based on substance, not your opinion.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Ninja (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:55am

      Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

      Just tell us actions and facts, don't label.

      Well, the facts say Cohen is a lobbyist by the dictionary definition.

      readers will decide based on substance, not your opinion

      Aha, funny thing mr substance. I"d invite you to research about the worst companies in America for a bit.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        PaulT (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:35am

        Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

        10 to 1 odds, he was dribbling so much over his rant about "facts" and attempt to derail the conversation to an irrelevant subject again, he didn't realise it wasn't Mike who wrote the article.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:45am

      Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

      Just tell us actions and facts, don't label.

      You mean like referring to everyone on the site as "pirates?"
      That kind of labeling?

      Tell me, how hard is it really to actually insert your foot into your mouth?

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Seegras (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:14am

        Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

        Yes, pirates, according to the dictionary:

        Piracy:
        1 the practice or an act of robbery of ships at sea;
        2 a similar practice or act in other forms, esp. hijacking.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:27am

          Re: Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

          Hmmm....

          The FBI’s Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR) Program defines robbery as the taking or attempting to take anything of value from the care, custody, or control of a person or persons by force or threat of force or violence and/or by putting the victim in fear.

          Interesting. So whoever's labeling us as pirates really is full of shit.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            John Fenderson (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:22am

            Re: Re: Re: Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

            Even aside from that, lots of people here (most, I would guess) don't engage in piracy even in the sense that he used the term. We don't even have to argue semantics: he's just full of shit from the outset.

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:58am

      Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

      Responded with the dictionary definition. That might be a label, but it is also an art of truth, under the law.

      Or, put another way, "That term is technically correct. The best kind of correct."

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      crade (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 1:14pm

      Re: Oh, but you want to be called a "writer" instead of "Google flack"

      it's not a label, it's certainly a known fact and not opinion at all that he is a lobbyist, since.. you know, he is one who lobbies... Just because the legal definition has been twisted from it's normal definition doesn't mean people can't use regular definition anymore. Lots of words have twisted legal meanings, just throw this one on the pile.

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  • icon
    Ninja (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:52am

    Comcast's Chief Dictionary Tinkering Officer could be a better title for Fitzmaurice.

    As for Cohen I suggest Chief "Not-a-lobbyist-by-Washington's-definition" Officer because I'm not creative.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Josh in CharlotteNC (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:05am

      Re:

      Chief "Holder-of-Political-Fundraisers-that-of-course-don't-influence-politicians" officer

      Chief "Not-a-Lobbyist-Wink-Wink-Nudge-Nudge" officer

      Chief "Only-spends-19%-of-his-time-corrupting-the-political-process" officer

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:29am

      Re:

      "Public Perception Manipulator", since it would more correctly qualify his main work and doesn't have a legal definition afaik.

      While Maxfield may satisfy the political definition of lobbyist, sir Cohen has been the most vocal public voice of manipulation compared to mme. Maxfield. But if both aren't on the same page, that would be problematic for the company. Thus the points made by Cohen should be perfectly representative of Maxfield and the companys legally defined lobbying staff.

      The endresult is solely a wordgame from Comcast in this case and barely qualifies as anything worth reporting. The piece, however, gives some really good transparency in the almost always completely opaque communication between a journalistic entity and a company.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:32am

      Re:

      How about:

      David L. Cohen (under Comcast legal department's interpretation of the Lobbying Disclosure Act (LDA) U.S.C. § ???? technically not a lobbyist)

      Too long?
      And I don't know how many § and subsections it would need of whatever convoluted legaleze Congress managed to vomit up to create the whole thing.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 6:57am

    To parahrase Shakespear e

    A douche by any other name would smell just as vinegary...

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Bengie, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:00am

    Deffinitions

    There are more definitions to a word than just the legal definition. Legal definitions are only important for when talking about rules and regulations in a technical way, not general news.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      JoeCool (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:06pm

      Re: Deffinitions

      No, LEGAL definitions are only important when you're a guilty SOB trying to weasel out of justice by twisting the real meanings of things.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Berenerd (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:01am

    If it looks like a duck and smells like a duck and even quacks like a duck...it must be a lily.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Violynne (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:03am

    Cohen pulled his excuse right out of the SCOTUS playbook:

    "If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and swims like a duck, clearly it's part of the cable industry."

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:04am

    The "Un-Lobbyist"

    Just like the dictionary definition of "marriage" as opposed to the legal definition....or police "misconduct."

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:06am

    How about Turd Ferguson? It's a funny name.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:07am

    Nobbyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Charles (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:12am

    Unless advised otherwise by Techdirt's legal department, if one is available, might I suggest you call Cohen "Comcast's Top Lobbyist."

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Jeremy Lyman (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:15am

      Re:

      It seems a little like companies that think they need to defend their trademarks to maintain validity.

      To maintain the finely crafted veneer of "totally-intentionally barely-technically not-a-lobbyist" Cohen,
      Comcast keeps "correcting" people who "mischaracterize" his actions (*wink*) and malign his forthright and uncontroversial (*grin*) work.

      They've got no right or power to stop people from using the completely appropriate term, but public consensus is reminded that he still technically isn't a lobbyist instead of settling on the reasonable and accurate belief that he is.

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  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:15am

    you even allude to the name in the article, that he is their
    the politician whisperer

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  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:16am

    "Those changes required that if an employee spends more than 20% of their time lobbying, they have to register with the government as a lobbyist..."

    Is this "time on the job" or just time in general? Because 40 hours a week is only 23% of the week already. Give him a generous vacation schedule, and and he wouldn't even need to pretend to have other responsibilities.

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  • icon
    Rattran (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:17am

    Keep it Simple

    Just call him "Chief Corruption Officer"

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:17am

    Lobbytwist
    Lobbytwister
    Lobbytwistist
    Lobbysurrealist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:22am

    Take a hint from the adult entertainment industry

    Call him David Cohen, Not-a-Lobbyist.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    bgmcb (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:23am

    influence peddler in chief

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:29am

    Lobbyer
    Person who lobbies
    Comcast's person who pays in money and promises to get legislation passed

    Any of those should work.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    TasMot (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:34am

    How about a "Schmobbyist"

    He's a schmoozer that lobbies (but less than 20% of his work time).

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    avideogameplayer, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:35am

    How about 'Straight up Asshole'?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Namel3ss (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:38am

    Hey if the shoe fits...

    well, you know the rest.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:41am

    How about Chief Asshat in Charge of Manipulating Government to Screw Constituents Over.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      techflaws (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:24pm

      Re:

      Yep, I also thought the truth would be best:

      lying scumbag who sold his soul to evil corporate overlords.

      Also, don't you find it hilarious that Comcasts apparently thinks of themselves of being in any position to make demands?

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:43am

    Lobbysitter

    If he manages the lobbyists, the correct title for him is Lobbysitter.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    ChrisB (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:49am

    if an employee spends more than 20% of their time lobbying they have to register ... as a lobbyist. ... Comcast addressed these changes by simply calling Cohen something else.

    No. Comcast addressed these changes by not having Cohen spend more than 20% lobbying. If you have proof that Cohen is spending more time lobbying (irrespective of what his title is), then get him charged. Otherwise, this whole piece reads like a chastised child.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      TMC, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:51am

      Re:

      Chastised child? He's using a dictionary definition.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:11am

      Re:

      ...guess you miss the part that the govt came up with that 20% nonsense...

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:11am

      Re:

      David Cohen doesn’t pretend he’s not a lobbyist

      David Cohen is not Comcast’s top lobbyist, in fact he is not a lobbyist at all.

      Comcast appears to suggest he's both - a lobbyist, and yet not a lobbyist.
      Seems as if there's enough ambiguity there to drive a truck through, and that's from their own spokesperson.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Jeremy Lyman (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:20am

        Re: Re:

        "I don't pretend I'm not a cat. I am not a cat."

        There's nothing wrong with that logic; unless I spend a fifth of my time actually being a cat...

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:48am

      Re: a chastised child telling the truth

      I for one am glad this article was written because the real truth is being told.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      tqk (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:29am

      Re:

      No. Comcast addressed these changes by not having Cohen spend more than 20% lobbying.

      Yes, using Congress' redefinition of the word lobbying. We're (well, I'm not anyway) not in Congress, so I've no obligation to use their definition. Congress calls things that are black white all the time, so no-one is surprised to see them do it again here.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        ChrisB (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:52am

        Re: Re:

        What are you talking about?
        Bode is implying that Cohen is still lobbying 20% - 100% of the time, but since his title is Chief Diversity Officer, Comcast can skirt the law. This is an idiotic assertion. Obviously, Comcast just told Cohen to keep his lobbying under 20% and then he can "officially" not be a lobbyist. If Bode thinks something else is happening, then he should get Cohen charged.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          nasch (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:46am

          Re: Re: Re:

          Bode is implying that Cohen is still lobbying 20% - 100% of the time, but since his title is Chief Diversity Officer, Comcast can skirt the law.

          I don't know if you're in the legal profession or what, but what you're missing is that there's more to this situation than what the law says. The law could be rewritten to say that someone is only a lobbyist if he does his lobbying while wearing a clown suit. However, that would not affect whether what a person was doing outside of a clown suit is actually lobbying - it would only affect the legal consequences for doing it.

          Similarly, Karl is not saying that Cohen meets the legal definition of a lobbyist - he's saying he meets the ordinary dictionary definition of a lobbyist. Which was explicitly and specifically mentioned in the story.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            ChrisB (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:08am

            Re: Re: Re: Re:

            No, as I quoted above, Bode is saying Comcast is skirting the law by changing Cohen's title. There is nothing in the law, as I know it, that says simply removing "lobbyist" from your business card allows you to lobby all you want and not be legally defined as a lobbyist.
            The rest of the issue I totally understand. Yes, spending 19% of your time lobbying is basically the same as spending 20% of your time.

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

            • icon
              nasch (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:14pm

              Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

              No, as I quoted above, Bode is saying Comcast is skirting the law by changing Cohen's title.

              I see what you're getting at.

              reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

              • icon
                crade (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 2:41pm

                Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

                Yes, it's just that one sentence that isn't right, there is nothing wrong with calling him a lobbyist, that is what he is, but it's not correct to say comcast is skirting anything by changing his title. They are simply hiding behind a legal term and pretending they don't know good and well we aren't in court and are not using legal terminology so obviously the common dictionary definition is what would apply.

                reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

            • icon
              John Fenderson (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 3:24pm

              Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:

              "Bode is saying Comcast is skirting the law by changing Cohen's title"

              I think what Bode is really saying is that Comcast is skirting the intent of the law. Which is undeniably the case.

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        • identicon
          Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:11am

          Re: Re: Re:

          No, he isn't. He's pointing out that just because they government made a legal definition for "lobbyist" a few years ago, it does not mean that Cohen isn't a lobbyist by any other definition.

          He's still a lobbyist, he just avoids spending enough time to be required to be a registered lobbyist.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • identicon
            Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:45am

            Re: Re: Re: Re:

            Needs an old fashioned 'time & motion study' person to follow him around with a stop watch to audit Comcast's contention.

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:49am

    Hmm.

    David Cohen doesn’t pretend he’s not a lobbyist...
    Since double negatives cancel each other out, this sentence can be parsed as "David Cohen pretends he’s a lobbyist...", which leads to the obvious label:
    David Cohen, Comcast Magical Fairy Lobbyist

    or, since they're being rather shirty about accuracy:

    David Cohen, Chief Comcast Bagman

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    TMC, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:50am

    Well, you've kinda made it clear that this is no mere lobbiest.

    How about "lobbstrosity"?

    That, or "Shitstain" with the "Notable" qualifier when you're feeling fancy.

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  • icon
    Trails (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:50am

    F That

    He's a lobbyist, call him as such,

    Gov't attempts to redefine language are insidious and transparent attempts at changing the rules.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:00am

      Re: F That

      The problem is that it works.

      They have been twisting language for a long time to render things like the constitution pointless.

      Civil Forfeiture, Reasonable Suspicion, and bad comma placement are all examples of these things. And people think its all a mystery despite the fact that the founders are well on record for just exactly what they meant!

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • identicon
        Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:07am

        Re: Re: F That

        Doesn't it depend upon what ones definition of 'is', is? Creativity counts, though one needs to be careful about seeming like a duck!

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Roger Strong (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:55am

    he isn’t by the definition of the legal term

    By an amazing coincidence, his hosting a $2,700 per plate fundraising dinner for a politician doesn't meet the legal definition of bribery. Nor is the legal definition of influence peddling involved.

    Let's just say that Comcast has placed David Cohen in the Washington bribery and influence peddling pipeline, and he's lodged there like a partially absorbed suppository. That doesn't meet the legal definition of calling him a lobbyist.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      crade (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 2:23pm

      Re:

      it doesn't help that the legislation setting the legal definition of bribery and lobbyist is being manipulated by the bribers and lobbyists for the purpose of hiding the fact that they are bribing and lobbying.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    crade (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:56am

    Chief "really not at all a lobbyist, honest!" legislative influencer in charge of manipulating politicians in a totally not legally defined as lobbying way!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:56am

    Hmm... its got to be a name that conveys bribery, corruption and disinformation. Politician is already taken...

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    lars626 (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 7:57am

    cabildero

    Call him a 'cabildero'.
    That is the Spanish word for lobbyist.
    More words of Spanish origin are becoming commonly used every day. No reason not to contribute. Besides, if we start using it some people will actually look it up and as a result actually think about what was said.

    There are other words that come to mind, but my mother would not have approved of me using them. We could just use 'varmint'. She would not mind that one and it does imply the proper level of disdain.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:16am

    VP of Comcast Government Influencing, Political Strategy & Minority Mis-Use?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Jeff Green (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:18am

    It isn't that I lobby
    I just acquired the hobby
    Of working hard to influence them all
    It's not because they paid me
    And no, nobody made me,
    It's just that I'm at Comcast's beck and call
    A lobbyist I'm not
    That's simply Tommy rot

    Your writing isn't funny
    I hand out LOADS of money
    To anyone who'll scream that they agree
    It's not influence I'm buying
    (Although I'm really trying!)
    It's the only way that they'll be friends with me
    A lobbyist NO WAY
    I simply preach for pay!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Roman, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:20am

    Just call him His Highness, Comcast's Head Fuckboy in Charge.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:27am

    "While I know asking you to be accurate may be futile"

    What a little shit. Should've told them to fuck off.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:27am

    How about UnLobbyist or Lobbyist Zero. "Just one company, not lobbying enough."

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:28am

    boy from Brazil
    weasel
    professional liar
    enemy of the people
    enemy of the internet
    corrupter of politicians
    hater of democracy

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    David, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:30am

    Just go through the alphabet.

    "Top hobbyist" sounds a bit off. How about "top sobbyist"? It's in line with "top fobbyist".

    "Top dobbyist" will likely get the Rowling estate on your heals.

    I like "top mobbyist".

    How about "The Prophit"? Or "Comcast's chief storyteller"?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:31am

    The American Natives would call him "Walking Eagle"
    (A bird that's so full of shit it's too heavy to fly)

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    GMacGuffin (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:34am

    Vestibulist. That'll throw them for a while.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    dakre (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:43am

    Bottom Lobby

    So if he's not the top lobbyist or a lobbyist, then what would you call him?

    I like Chief Squirrel Executive, since he must have a short attention span with so much lobbying and not count as a lobbyist.

    Or maybe we could call him "Licorice" (Lobbyist In Charge Of Reliably Injecting Campaign Endowment), but that's just to give him an abbreviation that makes him sound weird.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Alexandre Oliva, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:49am

    CLOWN

    Chief Lobbying Officer, Wink, Nudge

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Kent, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:52am

    Comcast lobbyist

    From the federal Lobbying Disclosure Act definitions:

    Lobbyist:
    Any individual (1) who is either employed or retained by a client for financial or other compensation (2) whose services include more than one lobbying contact; and (3) whose lobbying activities constitute 20 percent or more of his or her services’ time on behalf of that client during any three-month period.

    Lobbying Contact:
    Any oral, written, or electronic communication to a covered official that is made on behalf of a client with regard to the enumerated subjects at Sections 3(8)(A) of the Act (2 U.S.C. § 1602(8)(A)).

    Threshold Requirements
    In order to determine the applicability of the LDA, one must first look at the definition of “lobbyist” under Section 3(10) of the Act. Under this definition, an individual is a “lobbyist” with respect to a particular client if he or she makes more than one lobbying contact and his or her “lobbying activities” (as defined in Section 3(7)) constitute at least 20 percent of the individual’s time in services for that client over any three-month period.

    Lobbying activity is defined in Section 3(7) as “lobbying contacts and efforts in support of such contacts, including … background work that is intended, at the time it is performed, for use in contacts, and coordination with the lobbying activities of others.” If the intent of the work is to support ongoing and future lobbying, then it would fall within the definition of lobbying activities. Timing of the work performed, as well as the status of the issue, is also pivotal. Generally, if work such as reporting or monitoring occurs at a time when future lobbying contacts are contemplated, such reporting and monitoring should be considered as a part of planning or coordinating of lobbying contacts, and therefore included as “lobbying activity.” If, on the other hand, a person reports back to the relevant committee or officer regarding the status of a completed effort, that activity would probably not be included as a lobbying activity, if reports are not being used to prepare a lobbying strategy the next time the issue is considered.

    Communications excepted from the definition of “lobbying contact” under Section 3(8)(B) of the LDA may be considered “lobbying activities” under some circumstances. Communications excepted by Section 3(8)(B) will constitute “lobbying activities” if they are in support of other communications which constitute “lobbying contacts.”

    If a communication is limited to routine information gathering questions and there is not an attempt to influence a covered official, the exception of Section 3(8)(B)(v) for “any other similar administrative request” would normally apply. In determining whether there is an attempt to influence a covered official, the identity of the person asking the questions and her relationship to the covered official obviously will be important factors.

    Whoever knowingly fails: (1) to correct a defective filing within 60 days after notice of such a defect by the Secretary of the Senate or the Clerk of the House; or (2) to comply with any other provision of the Act, may be subject to a civil fine of not more than $200,000, and whoever knowingly and corruptly fails to comply with any provision of this Act may be imprisoned for not more than 5 years or fined under title 18, United States Code, or both.

    http://lobbyingdisclosure.house.gov/amended_lda_guide.html

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:03am

    Schrödinger's Lobbyist

    Schrödinger's Lobbyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:06am

    Sena was a lobbyist

    Prior to joining Comcast in 2006, Sena was a principal with the lobbying firm Wexler & Walker Public Policy Associates in Washington, D.C., where she created strategic public affairs plans for her clients.

    http://corporate.comcast.com/news-information/leadership-overview/sena-fitzmaurice

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    The Groove Tiger (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:08am

    Well, they probably paid a lot of brib... fancy dinners to make sure the lawmakers changed the definition of lobbyist. They're just trying to get their money's worth.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    minijedimaster (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:13am

    Dear Sena Fitzmaurice,

    #REKT

    Sincerely,

    Techdirt

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Spaceman Spiff (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:15am

    Corporate title acronyms - let's see...

    CPCBS (Chief Purveyor of Corporate Bull Shit)
    INAL (I'm Not A Lobbyist)
    HIGADFY (Have I Got a Deal For You!)
    IYSMISY (If You Scratch Mine, I'll Scratch Yours)

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:24am

    Just a Hobby

    Lobbying less than 20% of the time: Hobby-Lobbyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:24am

    Top Unregistered Lobbyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:25am

    Some names I thought of:
    An individual with a doctorate in rotation theory.

    An individual whom appears to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about issues that benefit his employer as opposed to the general public.

    An individual whom is full of human excrement.

    An individual with an apparent lack of morality and ethics.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    John Fenderson (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:26am

    My suggestion

    "Congressional Fluffer"

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Ninja (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:21am

      Re: My suggestion

      I hope this makes to the finals. Imagine Karl writing another article on this and calling Comcast for their "Congressional fluffery"?

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:37am

    You would seriously consider not calling him a lobbyist just because the government gave the word a very specific definition. In that case the government can simply redefine any word we wish to assign to someone, even if it's a word we came up with, and limit our ability to express various thoughts by simply limiting the meaning of the words that we use. That's not how language works. Contracts, for instance, often define their own words to avoid confusion since words can have different meanings in different contexts. We can coin a word and define it ourselves within a document or we can use an existing word that best approximates what we mean and define exactly what we intend it to mean within that document. That's how language works. Comcast and the government don't get to arbitrarily limit our vocabulary by simply taking a word and arbitrarily redefining it to their liking and then proclaiming we can't use that word because we're not using their definition of the word. That's not how language and free speech works and we should not give in to such nonsense. Perhaps we can define our specific usage of the word lobbyist to make it clear that we aren't using the arbitrary legal definition given by the government but we still have every right to call this person a lobbyist.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      nasch (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:05am

      Re:

      You would seriously consider not calling him a lobbyist just because the government gave the word a very specific definition.

      You may have missed the tongue in cheek tone of the article.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:40am

    Comcast: Why won't you play in our fairy tale make believe land?

    He is a top Lobbyist for Comcast, also campaign contributions are bribes. #reality

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Designerfx (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:45am

    undercover lobbyist?

    Maybe they should call him an undercover lobbyist? Comcast double agent? Professional snake oil salesman?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:49am

    If you wrote, “David Cohen, not legally a lobbyist, lobbied Congressional delegates…”, does Comcast really think that sounds better?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    tqk (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:58am

    Dissembler in Chief.

    It's nothing to do with lieing, per se. It has everything to do with not telling the truth. "Make believe with the intent to deceive". It even rhymes.

    "Officer in charge of Corporate Propaganda" has a nice ring too.

    Fabulist, fibster, falsifier, mythomaniac, palterer, prevaricator, pseudologist, pseudologue, spinner of yarns, yarner, eye-wool puller.

    It's interesting that we've managed to come up with so many words to describe the phenomenon.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    HollandoF (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:04am

    Weaponized "Altruist"

    "He's just a guy that really, really loves minority communities and helping the poor, and just happens to spend the lion's share of his time whispering in politicians' and regulators' ears."

    Beautiful.
    So call him something that points out how insidiously they've subverted things.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Rich Fiscus (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:06am

    In all fairness, lobbyist doesn't convey the reality of what this guy does. I suggest replacing it with Chief Bullshit Agent and Graft Merchant for Assuring Noninterference.

    Actually, that's such a mouthful, you're probably better off abbreviating it to Chief BAG MAN.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      crade (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 2:30pm

      Re:

      Non interference is way to nice.. That is what a decent lobbyist might have done back when companies worked for a living.. Todays lobbyists WANT to regulatory interference in their favour.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Uriel-238 (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 3:13pm

        regulatory interference in the favor of legacy businesses

        Like before the 15th century metal button-makers pressured local lords to outlaw cloth buttons?

        Pushing for regulations to sustain legacy industries has been around for a long time.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    David, 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:18am

    Here is something they could not complain about:

    "David Cohen, Comcast's top philanthropist, ..."

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:26am

    Top Effective Lobbyist

    Well they admit they already make sure to monitor his time to make sure he doesn't meet the legal definition of a lobbyist. They are probably annoyed because time and actions that legally 'count' as a lobbying depends on how his actions are perceived by another party and not so much the actual action.

    Don't screw up their loophole, since what counts as lobbying? Working on the material to give to a politician?
    Just the time spent talking to politicians?
    Arranging events for everyone but making sure not to leave out his politician contacts?
    Handing out information of his political contacts to others and telling them to say 'David sent me'?
    Interacting with the politician's staff but not the politician?
    Having other employee's do the time-consuming lobbying tasks that legally count as lobbying actions and then stepping in for the most important interactions so his recorded lobbying time is less than 20%?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Jacob H, 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:30am

    Llobbyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Jeremy Lyman (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 10:42am

    Executive Gargoyle & Intermittent Cash Funnel

    This man's job is to shovel enough money at people fast enough to make some of them not totally despise Comcast. Is there a doubt in anyone's mind that Comcast would pay him to sit idly at a desk with his hands folded 81% percent of the time to skirt legally binding restrictions on influencing elected officials?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:19am

    Lobbying: 20% of the time, it works every time.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    eaving (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:28am

    He who shall not be called lobbyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:44am

    That 20% number?

    Does the law actually specify that's 20% of the time he's on the job? Or is it 20% of the 24-hour day?

    Because 20% of 24 hours is 4 hours 48 minutes. That means he only has to spend 3 hours and 13 minutes of his on-the-clock hours in meetings, then spend the rest of his on-the-clock time lobbying and they can still claim "He's under 20%!!!"

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    ConcernedCitizen (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 11:50am

    More Accuracy

    Since Comcast wants you to be less accurate in your descriptions, the obvious response should be a more accurate title for him: Chief Bribery Officer

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    DigDug, 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:04pm

    CCLbMWdoLntDAWHdoL

    Comcast Chief Lobbyist by Merriam-Webster's definition of Lobbyist, not the Dumb Assterisk White-House definition of Lobbyist.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    drewdad (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:17pm

    Top We-paid-a-lot-of-money-to-lawyers-not-to-be-called-a-Lobbyist.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:26pm

    part-time Lobbyist should satisfy everyone.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    TheOldHippie (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:37pm

    Don't call a spade a spade...

    call it a ground diversity tool.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    renosablast (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:47pm

    How about "defacto lobbyist" -- emphasis is now on the "action" and not the "title"

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Richard Bennett (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:50pm

    Karl Bode is TechDirt's Top Troll

    That's an accurate claim, isn't it? Or is Masnick more top or more troll?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Coyne Tibbets (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 12:53pm

    L. O. B. B. Y. I. S. T.

    Well, it's a little strained, but how about...

    Legal Orchestrator of Bought and Borrowed Yays and Influence Sales Technician

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Espryon (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 1:04pm

    Star wars themed response

    David Cohen, This is not the lobbyist you are looking for >>

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 1:17pm

    Remember when Washington decided to define a pizza as a vegetable? Or Freedom Fries? Or "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"

    THIS is why people hate government, because of the obvious disconnect from reality.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 1:31pm

    How does "Corporate Douchebag" sound?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    New Mexico Mark, 22 Jul 2015 @ 1:49pm

    Putting "a" in front of a word...

    Amoral, apolitical, etc. means "not" the following word.

    I suggest calling him Alobbyist. The apparent misspelling would get more attention and create multiple opportunities to clarify the difference between the legal and the real world definitions.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 2:02pm

    Lobbotomist?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 2:53pm

    Top Briber

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Sheogorath (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 2:55pm

    David Cohen also serves as Chief Diversity Officer AKA Chief Mouthpiece AKA Lobbyist for the company. Just sayin'.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    orbitalinsertion (profile), 22 Jul 2015 @ 5:10pm

    David Cohen is not a lobbyist, he's the lobbyest. (Baby.)

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Eric the fish segment, 22 Jul 2015 @ 5:21pm

    Motherfoyer

    .

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:05pm

    Only 20%?

    Seems like he might be doing more than that. Maybe a little TechDirt investigative reporting could uncover the real percentage.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Socrates, 22 Jul 2015 @ 8:33pm

    Mouth of Comcast

    Mouth of Comcast,
    His Masters Voice.
    The true name of his job must not be spoken!


    (M)alignant (A)ssurer of (D)espair
    MAD

    (M)aking (U)SA (d)isabled
    MUD

    (B)ribing (i)s (b)uying (i)nfluence
    BIBI

    (C)aster (o)f (c)ongressional (k)owtowing
    Cock

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Justme, 22 Jul 2015 @ 9:03pm

    My 2 cents

    Lobbyist = "Governmental Entitlement Acquisition Facilitator"

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Gijs, 23 Jul 2015 @ 1:22am

    Comcast's minister of Truth

    Actually, Fitzmaurice is Minister of Truth.

    Cohen is minister of Altruism.
    Or minister of Love. Sounds better.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 23 Jul 2015 @ 3:16am

    Stick with Top Lobbyist... it fits.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Monday, 23 Jul 2015 @ 9:22am

    New Name

    We all know the 'Southpark' people won't sue, so let's just use their logic and call him "Fag". That "Fag on the Hill".

    He makes a noise, so call him that "You Noisy Fag Lobbyist".

    He's trying to ruin your good time writing. Write in caps "YOU FAG!"

    We'll all know exactly what you mean. At least those of us who depend on Southpark for enlightenment occasionally.

    This entry for 'New Name' has been brought to you by the noisy protestations of Big Fag from Comcast. :)

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Sheogorath (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 12:18pm

      Re: New Name

      That's hugely insulting. Not only does it encourage the use of 'fag' as an insult, it implies that homosexual men are as bad as David Cohen.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        nasch (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 12:43pm

        Re: Re: New Name

        That's hugely insulting. Not only does it encourage the use of 'fag' as an insult, it implies that homosexual men are as bad as David Cohen.

        Maybe he's British.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          Sheogorath (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 7:07pm

          Re: Re: Re: New Name

          So am I, but I'm still aware of the meaning of the words 'fag' and 'faggot' when they're used in that context, which aren't 'cigarette' and 'sausage meat wrapped in tripe' respectively.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        tqk (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 1:11pm

        Re: Re: New Name

        Homosexual men?!? I thought this was about cigarettes. Everybody knows they're spawn of the devil, hate crimes (second hand smoke), cause everything from cancer to racism and kids living together, real wrath of god stuff.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          Monday, 23 Jul 2015 @ 1:36pm

          Re: Re: Re: New Name

          Do you even watch TV??? Nobody said anything about Homosexual Men.

          Were you the one that reported my post?

          For whatever reason it's gone, I'm done with you Techdirt. Techdirt is history.

          Jackass.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            Monday (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 1:39pm

            Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name

            Are you paying attention Monday?

            Boy you are so touchy! What a fag.

            :D

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

          • icon
            Sheogorath (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 7:17pm

            Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name

            Do you even watch TV??? Nobody said anything about homosexual men.
            What does watching TV have to with you perpetuating the use of a harmful insult that is against laws in some places?
            Were you the one that reported my post?
            Nope. I'd guess one of the staff of the site saw my comment and realised I'm right. Reported comments are only hidden, not deleted.
            For whatever reason it's gone.
            Which I'm glad to see. One of my friends is gay, and I'm gay myself.
            I'm done with you, Techdirt. Techdirt is history.
            Bye, don't let the door hit you on your way out!
            Jackass.
            Your unsuccessful attempt at another insult would hurt more if you weren't looking in a mirror as you said it and you quit making multiple comments after saying you're leaving.

            reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

            • icon
              nasch (profile), 24 Jul 2015 @ 10:56am

              Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name

              What does watching TV have to with you perpetuating the use of a harmful insult that is against laws in some places?

              Not specific to this scenario, but in general something being illegal to say somewhere is not a good enough reason to not say it.

              reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

              • icon
                Sheogorath (profile), 25 Jul 2015 @ 7:56am

                Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: New Name

                Correct, but the potential effects of something is a good enough reason not to say it, and those potential effects are why certain insults are illegal under the (watered down and unenforced) Equality Act 2010, for example.

                reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Monday (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 1:40pm

        Re: Re: New Name

        Do you want me to report your post as stupid?

        Do you watch any TV?

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Amabo Kcarab, 23 Jul 2015 @ 12:51pm

    Comcast's top lobbyist

    In the spirit of Prince, he's "the Comcast executive formerly known as Top Lobbyist".

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Monday (profile), 23 Jul 2015 @ 1:46pm

    Just to bring everything into the open, the 'kids' in 'Southpark' had the dictionary redefine "Fag' as Noisy, Obnoxious, Ignorant" just being a general asshole.

    Someone butts in line; "What a fag". Someone steals your parking spot; "What a Fag!"

    Nothing gay about it.

    Carry on... :)

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    ericwestbo, 24 Jul 2015 @ 12:04pm

    Plain and simple

    Capitol Pimpster

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Andrew T, 24 Jul 2015 @ 12:54pm

    New Names

    Chief Interest-Pusher
    Acting Powerbroker
    Senior Person-Formerly-Defined-As-Top-Lobbyist

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    TechDescartes (profile), 11 Nov 2015 @ 12:14pm

    Employment Agreement

    So in Section 8(b)(iv) of Cohen's latest employment agreement, I suspect Comcast is relying on the dictionary definition of "lobbyist" and not the statutory definition:

    [S]ubparagraph (i) above restricts Employee from working on the account, or otherwise for the benefit, of a Competitive Business as a result of Employee’s working as an employee, consultant or in any other capacity for an entity that provides consulting, advisory, lobbying or similar services to other businesses.

    Please ask, Karl. The people want to know.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]


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