Funniest/Most Insightful Comments Of The Week At Techdirt

from the last-of-2015 dept

With our week truncated by the holidays, voting was a little slow this time around. Nevertheless, we have a runaway winner taking the first place spots on both the insightful and funny sides. It came from an anonymous commenter in response to the Manhattan District Attorney’s latest attacks on encryption:

Its a miracle anyone solved a crime before smartphones. They must have actually had to interview people, inspect crime scenes, and collect evidence with tweezers and cotton swabs. How barbaric!

In second place on the insightful side, we’ve got another comment on that post, this time from PaulT in response to the assertion that Apple implemented encryption specifically in order to avoid complying with law enforcement:

No, it implemented encryption largely due to customer demand as a result of news about extrajudicial activities by law enforcement.

Is it that these politicians are actually this stupid on this or that they think their constituents are?

For editor’s choice on the insightful side, we start by flipping over to another attack on encryption, this time from Senator Tom Cotton. Angel posited a simple analogy:

Me: “Hey Tom Cotton Why don’t you leave your front door unlocked in case law enforcement needs to get in, if they have a warrent”

Tom Cotton: “Because that would be unsafe, than anyone could just walk in”

Me: “Ohhhh really…..”

Next, we’ve got CanadianByChoice with some thoughts on the true and worrying potential extent of Europe’s right to be forgotten:

This won’t only be a tool to “silence free speech” and “punish innovation” – it will be a tool to rewrite history. What stops articles about Tiananmen Square or the Holocaust from being removed in the name of the “Right To Be Forgotten”? When we manage to do that (forget history), it’s certain that we will repeat it.

Over on the funny side, we’ve already had our first place comment above, so we’ll move straight on to second place, which comes in response to our post about a nineteen-hour “standoff” with law enforcement that ended with officers storming an empty house. Apparently, a hotspot picked up on infrared camera was part of why they thought the house was occupied, leading one anonymous commenter to muse about what really happened:

When questioned if the sun might have created the hot spot in the attic the police responded:

“These cameras pick up hot spots created by hiding humans, thats what they are designed for. There is no way that the hot spots we detected could have been caused by anything other than a gang member hiding. Furthermore at 9am the hot spot was on the east side of the attic but at 4pm it had moved to the west side of the attic. Clearly this was a human moving around in the attic, there is no way that the sun could have caused a hot spot to move!”

For editor’s choice on the funny side, we return one last time to our post about Manhattan’s DA, where Blaine proposed a novel (if somewhat spiteful) way to send a message about encryption:

These people pushing to ban encryption should set a good example and stop using this evil technology. No encrypted files on their phones, computers or portable drives. No HTTPS for any web sites.

In fact as a trial run how about all tech companies just force HTTP on any connection from a gov owned ip?

This would have a couple benefits.

First, of course, they can show us how a good citizen behaves and that it’s completely safe.

Second, FOIA requests would go down, since we could just go get whatever we want.

Win Win

Finally, after AT&T and DirecTV managed to simultaneously raise their rates while claiming they were protecting customers from higher prices, That One Guy suggested we were being a bit hard on them:

I’m not sure where the sarcasm came from in the end there, this is absolutely helping out consumers.

After all if the services were notably different, in price or offerings, think of all the time people would waste trying to decide between the two. With both increasing the prices however, there’s no need to think at all, saving countless brain-cells from being put to the test. Whichever you chose, you get hosed, what’s not consumer friendly about that?

That’s all for this week — and, indeed, this year — folks!

Rate this comment as insightful
Rate this comment as funny
You have rated this comment as insightful
You have rated this comment as funny
Flag this comment as abusive/trolling/spam
You have flagged this comment
The first word has already been claimed
The last word has already been claimed
Insightful Lightbulb icon Funny Laughing icon Abusive/trolling/spam Flag icon Insightful badge Lightbulb icon Funny badge Laughing icon Comments icon

Comments on “Funniest/Most Insightful Comments Of The Week At Techdirt”

Subscribe: RSS Leave a comment
That One Guy (profile) says:

Re: Re:

‘Orwellian’? I’m afraid I don’t get the reference. Any time I try and search for it via the government approved search engines, I keep getting a ‘The subject of your search has been determined to be counter-productive to society, and the results removed for your safety.’ Also apparently I’ve been added to a list of some sort for performing the search in the first place, strange that.

Eh, I’m sure I’m not missing anything important, it’s not like the government doesn’t know what’s best for everyone after all, and if they say it’s bad, that’s good enough for me.

Seriously Folks says:

New Business Model

A promising new business model comes to us in hopes of legislation to ban texting by drivers operating motor vehicles by making it a felony.

Video taping drivers texting while driving through dicovery and license plate inquiry, suing the bijesus out of them AND their insurance companies. That ought to push the legislation through speedily in a perfect world. Everyone who grimaces at the rearview mirror seeing someone’s head buried in their blue lit smart phones screen.

When I make enough from all those lawsuits, I’m going after the technology itself and every company out there supplying the capability for this dumb tech novelty endangering lives recklessly. I have been struck twice from behind by drivers who climbed out of their vehicles with a smart phone in their dumb hands. It gets you looking behind you much more frequently than one should.


Seriously Folks says:

Re: New Business Model FTFY

Everyone who grimaces at the rearview mirror seeing someone’s head buried in their blue lit smart phones screen.. join in! If an insurance company does not explicitly prohibit texting while driving and insures people regardless, they are complicit and are making the roads much more dangerous. If the telcos don’t hand over data that relates to an accident, they are also complicit and obstructing justice.

Add Your Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Have a Techdirt Account? Sign in now. Want one? Register here

Comment Options:

Make this the or (get credits or sign in to see balance) what's this?

What's this?

Techdirt community members with Techdirt Credits can spotlight a comment as either the "First Word" or "Last Word" on a particular comment thread. Credits can be purchased at the Techdirt Insider Shop »

Follow Techdirt

Techdirt Daily Newsletter

Techdirt Deals
Techdirt Insider Discord
The latest chatter on the Techdirt Insider Discord channel...