Finally, We Have Proof That The Washington Redskins Are Run By Replicants

from the paging-rick-deckhard dept

Yeah, I get it, with great claims must come great evidence, and you’re thinking there’s no way I can prove that Dan Snyder and the people who run the Washington Redskins are androids from Tyrell Corp. as seen in the Blade Runner movies. But think about it. Thiiiiiink about it, people. How are we told we can identify replicants, bio-android robots that are nearly indistinguishable from honest to goodness human beings? Well, as anyone who knows the mythology will tell you, “skin-jobs” are known for being unable to have true empathy and for their lack of emotional response. For the former, one need only combine the history of the Washington Redskins’ inappropriate name and their inability to recognize the rights of those around them to comment on the team. As for emotional responses, it’s a bit trickier. How do you demonstrate someone’s lack of emotion without strapping them down and properly performing the Voight-Kampff test?

Here’s how: you create a humorous parody of the team and their play, find out that the Redskins are threatening to sue as a result, and then explain to them, “Hey, guys, it was just a joke.” Then, when the legal team for the Redskins drops their threats as a result, claiming they weren’t aware all was done in jest, you’ve proven they are unable to produce the human emotion of humor. Boom, replicants. And, no, I’m not exaggerating.

The Skins were up in arms over a series of mock game broadcasts aired by WJFK, a CBS affiliate and direct rival to the Snyder-owned ESPN affiliate. They’re critical of the team, the owner, and the unincorporated hellhole that is FedEx Field (listen to Monday’s fake Giants-Redskins play-by-play for a taste), but they’re obviously, obviously fake. Note to Snyder, and everyone really: If the guy doing a bit is a comedian, it might be comedy.

Yet attorney Tony Wyllie, who works directly for team owner Dan Snyder, threatened the CBS affiliate, saying the obvious parody was malicious. He threatened a lawsuit. Then he rescinded the threat. Why?

Wyllie’s anger over the broadcasts prompted Chris Kinard, WJFK’s program director, to call time out. He met with Wyllie on Tuesday to discuss the comedy routines. Kinard declined to comment, but Wyllie insisted after the meeting that peace was at hand.

“All we did was ask questions about what they were doing,” he said in an interview. “Once they said it was all in jest, we were fine with it.”

“Oh, the ridiculously over-the-top fake broadcast you did was a joke? Well, in that case, we’re all good!” I can’t give that exchange enough currency here, as it is central to my thesis that Wyllie and Snyder are not human beings, but replicants trying to live a human’s life. Nobody who hadn’t suffered severe head trauma could listen to the “offending” content and think it was anything but a joke done as parody. In this case, revelation indicates ignorance on a level that simply isn’t human. It seems Wyllie knew he’d let the android out of the bag, as well, as he followed up with another comment.

“I have a sense of humor, like everyone else. It’s a joke, and I take it as a joke. Once they said it was all a joke, that’s all there was to it.”

Nobody’s buying it, skin-job. What, you think we really believe the team’s strident reluctance to give up the Redskins name is simply because you’re too ignorant to recognize a racist term when you see one? Please, nobody’s that ignorant. No, you just can’t give up the “skins” name because you’re androids. You may have some people fooled, replicants, but not this reporter!

[Editor’s Note: And this is just for Dan Snyder and Tony Wyllie — everyone else, please go about your day. Tim’s comments here, in which he suggests you are not human and are, in fact, replicants from Tyrell Corp., is also a joke. Just getting that out of the way ahead of time, so as to avoid any confusion.]

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Comments on “Finally, We Have Proof That The Washington Redskins Are Run By Replicants”

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out_of_the_blue says:

[Editor’s Note: And this is just for Dan Snyder and Tony Wyllie — everyone else, please go about your day. Tim’s comments here, in which he suggests you are not human and are, in fact, replicants from Tyrell Corp., is also a joke. Just getting that out of the way ahead of time, so as to avoid any confusion.]

but.. but…. I am a replicant =((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

out_of_the_blue says:

Re: Not only fake "Editor's Note", but fake "out_of_the_blue"

Keep trashing the site with fraud, kids. It’s all you have.

My commment was that Timmy (always use Timmy if attempting to imitate me) had yet again scraped through bottom of the barrel for trivial.

Timmy’s pieces are puzzles in which one rummages for the few words on topic in the giant mound of crap he excretes around them like a diarrheic Butlwer-Lytton, to figure out the point, if any. [Timmy will eventually steal that phrase too, without attribution.]

The world is being dumbed-down in ways most people are already too stupid to grasp.

11:19:02[m-362-2] [ This suppresses the kids from fraud of using my screen name. ]

The Mighty Buzzard (profile) says:

Just to clarify, Redskin is only a racist term to overly sensitive douchebags who are looking for a reason to be offended.

The one that most offends me as an Indian is Native American. Everyone born here is a Native American, so it’s both inaccurate and pandering. We don’t need pandered to. We’re not whiny little pussies like some ethnicities.

runs with siccors says:

Re: Re:

Thank you, as a “native (shudder) american” I too think the most condescending term one can use to describe us american indians is the idiotic misnomer native american. I am cherokee and proud of it, yes I am an american and I was born here. That makes me a native american but has nothing to do with my indian blood.

Anonymous Coward says:

Re: Re: Re: Re:

I prefer the term “human being”, there is NO RACE apart from the human race, and the human race all came from the same place!


Any other term or reference to race or ethnicity is racist and inappropriate.

if you want to find out what ‘race’ you are (apart from human), you might as well say EVERYONE IS AFRICAN, or native African, it just depends on when your ancestors moved out of Africa.

Anonymous Coward says:

Re: Re: Re:3 Re:

any new evidence would have to outweigh the old evidence and be very convincing, fact is every human can get genitally tracked to 1 or 3 groups of peoples that left Africa, no human groups that exist today have ever been linked to any other source, so the evidence is present in every living human on earth.

You don’t ‘declare’ new evidence, you need to find it and prove it and as well prove the existing evidence as wrong, good luck.

Anon says:

Re: Re: What's In a Name?

Yes, Redskin is offensive to the same douches who want to convince you that “squaw” means vagina (hint: no, it means young girl). Where does it stop? There was the whole complaint about the ND Fighting Sioux. This was pantently offensive because, obviously, Sioux don’t fight and there never was anyone named Custer. If we’re going to purge the appropriation of the names of the aboriginal inhabitants, well, there goes the Dakotas, Arkansas, Mississippi… Isn’t New Mexico a little insensitive considering we stole it from the real Mexico? As someone else pointed out, what about the Fighting Irish? Isn’t that a little insensitive, or is it Ok to pick on white people? Are the White Sox an insult to computer nerds?

Where does it stop?

Grudenbol says:

Re: Re:

I think your ire towards the misnomer “native american” is misplaced. Those people we refer to as Native Americans’ ancestors were born here BEFORE it was called America. So it isn’t really even pandering, it’s just inaccurate.

Amerigo Vespucci was a late-comer to this particular continent.

The Mighty Buzzard (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re:

It’s not pandering because it’s inaccurate, it’s pandering because the bleeding hearts think we’ll cry if we aren’t called something politically correct.

We didn’t have a problem being Indians. I don’t have a problem saying “feather not dot” if that causes confusion or American Indian if levity is inappropriate. I find none of them offensive in any way.

That it’s inaccurate only offends my OCD.

Anonymous Coward says:

Re: Re:

Yes, and therefore it would acceptable to have all sorts of team names which depict whatever physical characteristics you want – right?

“overly sensitive” has little to do with the objection, and I doubt a majority of those who object do so because they are offended.

Attempting to get people of differing ethnic backgrounds to fight does not add credence to your point of view.

Anonymous Coward says:

More like one bully lawyer, had it explained to him what parody is and how it relates to the first amendment, along with the concept of the Streisand Effect, and the fact that these are professional comedians that likely are very good at dealing with hecklers. Once it was explained to him that that pursuing his threats was a recipe for a PR nightmare with almost no chance of prevailing, he decided to drop the case but upon being asked about it wasn’t very good at formulating a response.

Ninja (profile) says:

Editor’s Note: And this is just for Dan Snyder and Tony Wyllie — everyone else, please go about your day. Tim’s comments here, in which he suggests you are not human and are, in fact, replicants from Tyrell Corp., is also a joke. Just getting that out of the way ahead of time, so as to avoid any confusion.

Gold comedy! Was it intentional? Because if it wasn’t then it’s even funnier 😉

DNY (profile) says:

Human mascot names and martial virtue

I have noted in other forums repeatedly that the vast majority of human sports-team mascots, including all American Indian-based team names, represent tributes to martial virtue, often marital virtue in a losing cause. Oh, there are exceptions, usually associated with some local attribute or event (the Nebraska Cornhuskers and Oklahoma Sooners spring readily to mind). But most, from the Minnesota Vikings, to the Washington Redskins, to the USC Trojans, to the U. Florida Seminoles, to the Fighting Irish, to various and sundry teams with names like Knights, Cavaliers, Crusaders, to my absolute favorite, the Yeshiva U. Maccabees, represent paeans to some group seen as exhibiting ferocity in battle and hardihood in the face of adversity.

Most tribally affiliated Native Americans (or American Indians as those in Oklahoma prefer to be called) seem to appreciate the tribute, and are supportive of American Indian themed sports teams. Some of the last surviving Navajo Code Talkers seemed happy to sport Washington Redskins jackets when their own marital service was honored at a recent event. It seems that such names only cause offense to effete, oh-so-sensitive, politically correct types of whatever ethnicity who hold the very notion of martial virtue in contempt.

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