eBay Sued For Patent Infringement… With Added Conspiracy Theory

from the don't-miss-it dept

Another day, another patent lawsuit against a big company for doing something obvious, filed by a company that appears to exist solely for the purpose of suing a company that actually does stuff. This time it’s a “company” XPRT Ventures who has sued eBay and is demanding a mere $3.8 billion for its troubles. $3.8 billion dollars for doing nothing seems like a pretty good deal. Unfortunately, the news coverage seems lacking. It doesn’t say what patents the lawsuit involves or what those patents cover, so we had to do some digging ourselves. The law firm that filed lawsuit issued a rather one-sided press release that also alleges that eBay “unilaterally altered” a confidentiality agreement between XPRT and eBay — which makes the case a bit more interesting. The press release still doesn’t name the patents, but it does link to the ridiculously long (209 pages) complaint (warning: ridiculously large pdf), which you can also read below:

From here we find out that the “inventors” (and I use the term loosely) came up with some rather basic enhancements for online payments, and apparently pitched them to eBay way back in 2001. A law firm claiming to represent eBay apparently asked to see the patent applications, and that was about the end of the discussions. XPRT, however, claims that eBay then took those ideas and decided to buy PayPal to implement them. That eBay bought Paypal because most people on eBay were using PayPal to complete transactions and eBay wanted a cut of those transactions isn’t mentioned. Instead, the complaint suggests that eBay bought PayPal specifically to try to replicate what was in XPRT’s patent applications:

Upon information and belief, eBay’s familiarity with the confidential information provided by the Inventors allowed eBay to recognize the advantages it would realize by acquiring, modifying and integrating PayPal’s payment platform with eBay’s own e-commerce payment platform. eBay also knew or should have known that such modification and combination would violate Inventors’ patent applications claims should they issue as patents.

Yeah, ok. This gets even more ridiculous when you realize that XPRT is claiming that it was modifications that PayPal/eBay didn’t roll out until 6 or 7 years later that are supposedly infringing.

As for the whole conspiracy stuff about eBay “unilaterally altering” the date on the agreement, it turns out there’s not much there there. Basically, eBay and the inventors negotiated over an NDA to share some information, with the initial proposed NDA having a date of March __, 2002. That was, clearly, a placeholder, found in just about every contact negotiation you’ll ever see. When eBay actually signed the NDA it replaced the placeholder with the date of the signature, April 30, 2003. That’s how contracts work.

XPRT, however, suggests that eBay’s own (equally questionable) patents on its own payment system were filed just before eBay signed this document, and that eBay failed to note the XPRT patent applications, despite knowing about them, as prior art. To make it even more fun, the complaint suggests that eBay effectively admitted that XPRT’s technologies are patentable, because it tried to cover the same inventions with the claims in its own patent filings. Basically, this is a sneaky way to (try to) cut off a claim that XPRT’s patents are invalid.

Anyway, the key patent in the battle is the following, which, while it was filed back in 2001, didn’t actually issue until 2009. If you look through the history of this particular patent, you find a trail of rejection. The USPTO did a non-final rejection, then a final rejection of the patent in 2004 and 2005. The inventors appealed (and twice had problems of filing a “defective appeal brief”). The appeal also rejected the patent and sided with the examiner. The inventors then asked to have the patent reconsidered, and that was rejected. Then, they asked for the patent to be examined again, and, yet again, the USPTO rejected the patent — with both a non-final and final rejection. Finally, after all those rejections, the inventors amended the patent some more and finally got it through in 2009. In other words, whatever they showed eBay way back in 2001 was not actually patentable, and what was patented in 2009 was quite different.

7,483,856: System and method for effecting payment for an electronic auction commerce commerce transaction

If you look at the other patents, they appear to be continuation patents on that patent, the common trick of updating an old patent application to make sure it covers what others are actually doing in the market, even if such things weren’t really what the initial patent was intended to cover.

Oh, and finally, why are these guys demanding $3.8 billion for a basic idea that they failed to implement themselves? Well, they appear to be claiming a 6% royalty on all of PayPal’s revenues, and then make a bunch of assumptions about how much PayPal is likely to make between now and 2024 when the patents will expire. In other words, it’s simply making up how much eBay might make and demanding a rather large cut of that.

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Companies: ebay, xprt

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Comments on “eBay Sued For Patent Infringement… With Added Conspiracy Theory”

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Stuart (profile) says:


Fuck it. Mike Masnick. I am letting you know here and now that I will be filling suit in Federal Court this afternoon suing you for violating my civil rights. By constantly pounding my brain with proof that this entire world without exception is run by powerful, rich fucking assholes looking to make me unhappy in every way possible you sir have made my right to “the pursuit of happiness” impossible. Since you are responsible for me no longer being able to pursue happiness because with this information I know it to be impossible I hold you and Al Gore (The Inventor of the Internet) responsible for my damages. In the amount of 14.7 billion dollars US.
If you agree to settle now I will agree to a $500.00 paypal transfer to me within 45 days.

darryl says:

issued a rather one-sided press release

OFCOURSE they did, they are ONE SIDE after all, they cannot issue a two-sided release.

what do you find odd that one side would release a ‘one-sided’ report.

How can they issue anything else? it’s their side of the story, it IS one side, and I assume ebay will also issue a press release that is ‘one-sided’.

Are you sure Mike, your not just saying words to stir up emotions.
Why say it is one sided, when it is clear it cannot be anything else.

Are you one sided or not when it comes to what you write about, and your supposed to be independent.

They are not independent, they have made a press release that states their case, and you accuse them of being one sided.. !!!..

As for the law fortunatly we have judges who know better than you guys what is right and wrong, and they have specific procedures they must follow, they cannot just make stuff up, and accuse someone of being ‘one-sided’, as if that is somehow bad in the first place.

Smacks of just saying stuff to get a response, there was no need to make that statement, and it shows that techdirt is equally if not more biased and one-sided..

And it worse for TD as reporting is supposed to be factual and unbiased..

and not one sided. but each side of a case is ofcourse supposed to be one sided, and they are supposed to take sides, and let the courts decide.

Making these “bias” claims is just spin and does nothing to convince most that you are not equally one-eyed, or one-sided.

No balanced reporting here ?

Josef says:

Re: issued a rather one-sided press release

Slow down on the coffee consumption Darryl. If you are caught up in the “one sided” phrase, then delete it and see if it really affects the meaning.

This, however, is a scary thought….

As for the law, fortunately we have judges who know better than you guys what is right and wrong, and they have specific procedures they must follow, they cannot just make stuff up, and accuse someone of being ‘one-sided’, as if that is somehow bad in the first place.

If you believe that the law has caught up to technology and that judges are completely competent when it comes to making these decisions, you should think again. Last I checked, judges should know law. Morality (right and wrong) isn’t as definite as the law.

Anonymous Coward says:

issued a rather one-sided press release

Build a bridge and get over it.
It is one sided, wich in this case (as the author later explained) they tried their best to ignore the facts and show themselves as the injured party, most thinking people ~do~ have an issue with this sort of behavior. If you don’t, well that’s fine, good for you.

robert marshal says:


I’m glad to hear from a obviously dedicated Dire Straits fan who is seeking the truth from Mark Knopfler. And whose use of the English language is obviously relative to where their brain is, down about their poo-hole. Again check the date of this article and ask yourself a simple question, could this guy not be telling the truth.

M.A. says:


Who cares about when your stupid comment was posted, you idiot? It proves nothing except that your legal prowess is almost as lacking as your writing skills. Why would Mark Knopfler spend the time and money to bring legal action against some mentally unstable loser who posts poorly written rubbish on the internet? That’s equivalent to someone burning down their house to kill an ant. Besides, he doesn’t need to deny your “allegations” because your webpage refutes itself with how stupid it is. It’s beyond implausible. It’s ridiculous nonsense, regardless of how much of a “don’t piss me off” voice you present it in (kudos for that magnificent use of language by the way).

robert marshal says:


I was hoping you were not a idiot, but seems you are, and someone who is shite deep in their own sick mind. I can prove my part in Dire Straits but you will never escape what a moron and obviously obsessed evil fuck you are. You are not asking about truths your telling me what you think, so you have told me,and if you can get rid of the I know shite, I might answer your next hysterical outburst. And don’t tell me what Mark Knopfler sees me as, I’m a little bit bigger than a Ant and you mentioned libel, and we cleared that one, then this rant from a crazy, no I wont answer your next outburst for I just think your a nutter. And hearing voices proves my point.

M.A. says:


Oh I’m crazy? Well I guess it’s time I create a website where I make outlandish claims in a badly written and stupid narrative, because that is truly crazy. But I do concede that the ant comparison was unfair, as an ant in no way resembles the wicked witch’s even uglier older brother. I look forward to not reading the answer you have promised not to write.

Yours truly,
Obsessed Evil Fuck

robert marshal says:


You don’t have the balls to put your real email address on your snide comments. Your the moaner who didn’t like my poetry and when I tried to contact you, guess what a spam email. Now it my writing your groaning about, what are you a frustrated Byron, and now its outlandish claims it was Libel we were discussing, and that is what would happen to you if you were to create a website and spout lies about someone. The reason my blog is still there is because it actually happened, and what I have written is true narratives or not.And now its becoming personal the witch’s uglier brother, go get a life and stay out of mine, I did try with you for if you are DS fan, you will have to live with the fact that I was the author of those lyrics, and if you have a spare 100,000 grand we will prove that.

Obsessed Evil Fuck says:


Why do you need 100,000? If you have proof, then present it. It’s so convenient to fall back on this “I’m too poor to bring this to court” bullshit. If you have any substantive evidence of your claims, you can get people to listen to your story. But all you provide is this preposterous and dorky account of how you wrote all these songs in a few hours. I would expect that someone who is capable of such a literary feat could readily string together a few sentences in a cohesive and well thought manner. Yet your comments tend more toward the grammatically atrocious, barely literate side of the spectrum. And another question, if he had all these lyrics from the start, why did he wait until after four albums to release half of them? Oh and I love the gimmick where you change the title of song to the opening line and edit some of the lyrics in awkward and dumb sounding ways, it really adds a measure of “authenticity” to your claims.

robert marshal says:


Instead of sniping, why don’t you become real and let me know the person that is you. When two boxers face each other they know who the opposition is, your throwing limp punches that have been explained in my blog. Read Mathew Fishers account of his 40 years of trying to get his part in a Whiter Shade of Pale recognized, and his band mates knew he had played at that session,then go and ask them why they disputed the fact for it ruined a good musicians life. And before you ask, Fisher and I used the same Solicitor about our claims, but it takes money to get justice and he didn’t have it, and neither do I. And sympathy is a word I use for your character TRAITS, your what we call in Scotland a balloon, full of air and when your burst, useless, give me your email address and we will discuss this further when I know who I’m dealing with and why your acting like a writer who has received their first rejection letter.

Marshall Auldjo's Kidney Stone says:


Matthew Fisher was actually a member of Procol Harum and his allegations are completely plausible and credible (and limited to one song), whereas yours are fantastical and stupid, and sound like the ramblings of an anti-fan. Apparently Matthew ended up winning his case, and his laywer represented him on a “no win no fee” basis. I guess if you used the same solicitor as you claim, he didn’t have the same confidence to invest in your “case” (good choice on his part).

robert marshal says:


What a fuckin hypocrite you are, Mathew Fisher was downed by his band mates for 40years, no-one believed him the press cunts like you, shunned him and you have the audacity to lecture me on the guys credits. And then because he got some money 40years later , then its all above board. Your a fuckin tosser male or female, I know you have no balls but your brainless and sitting on what is left of your dignity, if you ever had any real values, you have lost them years ago, just like Fishers band mates. I’m a DISGRUNTLED Dire Straits fan, if it was not for me there would never have been a band called Dire Straits you twisted fuck head. And if you are going to hack into peoples emails, I will know where to come and show you what this Ant will do to a Troll.

joe says:


And he’s also a deranged, Ill, internet stalker and I have evidence to back me up on this one. Whatever you do, do not have any contact with this nut case. Whatever you do and however you approach it unless you are prepared to pander to his imaginings it will end up with nothung but slander and dangerous verbal abuse.

With a little luck soon this man will he wiped from the face of the internet forever, and he’ll be where he needs to be, getting psychiatric help.

Robert marshal says:


If Chris Funicane wants to know about my part on Dire Straits he should send me his home address and I will promise to give it to my Solicitors who will give him the information he is seeking. I would advice him to stop intimidating people who have nothing to do with Dire Straits as their Solicitors may bring criminal charges against him.

Auldjo antagonist says:


ROTFL!!! You really are you’re own worst enemy Auldjo. You are totally deranged, and obviously too illiterate and hostile to be the author of anything but the insane ramblings that have oozed from your mind and contaminated the internet. Most of the things you write don’t even make sense. Now you are harassing this poor chap because he gave you his details not knowing the sick person you are, you really are a tosser man. All someone needs to do is run a WHOIS look up on your dumb website to see the registrar is Marshall Audljo, not Robert Marshal. If any of your outlandish claims had the least bit of merit, you would not attach a fictitious name to them. YOU are the fraud man. And you’re also the fool who told us about your estranged daughter Dawn and your relationship with Marysia Zoltowska, the brownie guide. You should really end your presence on the internet before you drag these people down with you in your fraudulent crusade.

Robert marshal says:


You must realise by now Chris Finucane your sick and a pervert why are you attacking these innocent people. They don’t know you and they have nothing to do with you or Dire Straits and your vicious attack on them will only end in you being jailed for harassment. Send me your address and my Solicitors will give you all the information you want about my part in Dire Straits.

Auldjo Agitator says:


You’re the one who supplied those names, you fucking wanker! What were you thinking when you sent death threats under the name Marysia? Did you think that was a smart idea? And there has been no harassment or attacks, vicious or otherwise, from anyone but you. Furthermore, I am not Chris Funicane, so while I feel bad for the bloke that his name is squirming around in your demented little brain, your threatening him means nothing to me.

Robert marshal says:


You can laugh about it in the address you sent Canning Lane police station so now your a gangster. That conviction will probably look good on the rest of yout record threatening old woman and girl guides start at the top of the bile on this page every comment is Chris Finucane and then date the Marshall Auldjo bile that is how long you have been a Troll and abusing this page uou had better delete your filth from your computer before they find why you are interested in Brownies and Girl Guides.

Robert marshal says:


I’m not Mark Knopfler or John Illsley you gutless Troll I don’t have to be a nice guy to demented fans. I made my reputation on the streets not hiding behind the keyboard of a computer you called me a Scottish bastard no a smelly Scottish bastard. I hope the Scots that read your crap and listen to your songs that have more rip offs from other songs remember your biased against a country that welcomed a refugee family called the Knopflers into it’s smelly heart. But your not only going to meet the sons of those you have been harassing but I will get to see what a evil stalker looks like so remember your emails are being monitered.

Marshall Auldjo says:


What’s the big deal about using pseudonyms Chris Finucane you claim to work with the Priory group as a music teacher with people with learning difficulties, yet your behaviour is that of a demented child who wasn’t given enough attention. So if there is a fraud its you I’d not want my children near a stalker let alone giving them advice and when you wake up from your campaign that is going to get you done for identity theft stalking and harassment go and cry to the Knopflers and Illsley and see what support they will give to a idiot like you. And if you read the blog properly you would have seen that a punlisher has the rights to the evidence you claim is not there just like your brain.

Marshall Auldjo says:

Is there someone who knows where chris finucane lives as the police are deciding if chrisssy26@gmail.com is to be charged with identity theft
He says his father was a police officer for 25 years in Liverpool he also maintains he is married with children of course this guy is a compulsive liar. He thinks because he received a email which accidently had other peoples email addresses that he has the right to contact and harrass those people putting them into a state of fear. He uses peoples identities to gain information from their unsuspecting families this is why the police are taking a interest in him. He uses more email addresses and names trying to hide his identity a dangerous Walter Mitty that needs locked up where he will be put beside his type in the protection wing. If someone knows this queer person that says he is a carer for the handicapped and wants to help alcoholics in their recovery whilst making shapes out of his shit. I ask you to expose this son of a policeman for his own safety and the people he is trying to snare. Give me his address and this harassment on innocent people will stop.

Anonymous Coward says:

God Marshall, you’re being such a drama queen. A state of fear? Please. No innocent people have been harassed…except maybe Chris Finucane and the people you have included in your delusional blog. However, I’m not surprised that you identify with Walter Mitty, since like him, you imagine yourself (or more precisely, your fictional alter-ego) performing fantastical, implausible, and completely imaginary feats. That being said, I have no desire to see any misfortune befall an unsuspecting family simply because one of their members is a complete arsehole, so no need for the overblown hysteria.

As for the police taking an interest in charging an email address with identity theft, all I can say that is truly an LOL. There is no law enforcement agency in the world that would allocate resources to investigate some posts or emails unconnected with any real world events. They are far too busy dealing with REAL crimes to give a shit about a cry baby blogger drowning in the wild west of the World Wide Web.

Marshall Auldjo says:


You don’t believe me you stupid cunt you contacted a mans daughter under the pretence you were related or her father. You have it on your snide blog you twat. Im not a sad fuck like you that imposes into other peoples lives that I don’t know. You started this feeble attack against me and Im going to finish it it. If money meant anything Id have made sure the bastards who ripped me off paid a heavy price. But you cunt are messing about with family so your on the list for a severe fucking and if the police don’t come for you I will make sure they come for me then I will get you then. No one fucks with my family I told you to read my about this drama queen is a gangster whose reputation would nhave destroyed any hope of success for DS. But it wont stop me making come back for a nasty little perv like you now you have been warned you insult for a human being. Get yourself protection from the over worked police you claim are to busy with this trifling matter. I want your address just like you tried to get mine and other peoples because your a twisted queer that needs sorted out and I’m the old smelly Scottish faggot whose going to do it so go to do it. NO ONE FUCKS ABOUT WITH PEOPLES FAMILIES.

auldjo agitator says:

Lol….that was funny.

I think half the comments on here are marshal having a conversation with himself. He’s well and truly shot himself in the foot. Any sad fool who reads this 4 year old page buried deep within the bowels of the internet will see him for what he is, a very very sick man. Kind of puts the final nail in the coffin for his blog don’t you think?

addressgiver says:

Couldn’t agree more. He may as well have taken a gun and blown his own head off. Well no, that would have done a service to humanity and would have been far more productive than His usual ranting on here. You know adj, its funny but this page is so inaccessible even its security certificate is out of date, leaving it basically inaccessible to 99.999999999999% of internet users. Marshal thinks he’s preaching to the world, he’d get more response by sticking his drunken drug riddled face outside his front door and shouting.

So funny. the only search term thus shows up in Google under is marshal Auldjo! Or the infamous Chris Finucane, whoever that poor sod is. He’s totally undermined any cred he ever had.

Take care out there bro, and Mr Auldjo, get some help while you can.

Mr. Archibald says:

I think Auldjo is a like a mischievous little kitty. He thought it would be fun to go online and create his own little naughty scandal under an alias, but now that his true identity has been exposed along with several connected individuals, he is cowering and shivering in a corner, too scared to post anything else on his little blog. He just needs to go one step further and remove all trace of straitjacketmusic from existence, especially his lame attempt at poetry.

Marshall Auldjo says:

You can see how sick you are you don’t think your not a Troll and your innocent of all crimes. Look at the names your using on your own comments let me guess where you got them of someone’s friend list on FB and thats not trawling the web for victims. That’s what you did at the start of this blog I hpped by being taken from Fb for using another persons name identity fraud to get information from unsuspecting people and the fact the Priory group couldn’t find you chris funycunt as a person they would employ. I will inform the person you seem to be spying on of your interest in them I hope those you have mentioned understand your innocence as much as you do. Give me your address as you seem to have cracked up and need immediate attention
And chrisssy26@gmail.com I don’t read your crap I’m a ant remember.

Chris Finucane says:


I’m a sick lonely person that waits like a preying Mantis check my no friends on FB. Don’t answer my emails for I don’t have a life and I may decide to look into yours and join in wanted or not. I have a hobby its called making a nuisance of myself. My other hobbies are shape making for this you need a huge dod of sht not necessarily your own and art is born. I said I was a carer for the mentally ill the reason I know I can be a help in this field of the mental health is because Im mental and thats a asset. I also like making comments and answering them myself as you are always right with your answer and I hate being wrong. If you want a I know everything and you know nowt troll as a friend contact me at chrisssy26@gmail.com. Make sure you bring your own sht for I use all mine up pretty quickly for though I’m forever talking to myself. I do talk a lot of shit for someone who gets their info from someone’s FB page. Oh and I will answer this myself I don’t want to hassle anyone.

Chrissy says:

I think its normal have family contacted by a complete stranger tryng to get muck about them. I think chris finucane should give his adddress as he was wanting other peoples. His life is admirable teach your children how to bring fear into others lives that have not heard of DS or you chrisssy26@gmail.com
maybe normal in the head of a loonie but in real life a dangerous obsessive prrson needing help from themselves thats twisted in so many ways it makes yo wonder how many personalities this guy has. If his use of bogus names are anything to go on theres a head filled to the brim.

Falling over laughing says:

Is that really the best you’ve got marshal. I am now officially sounding the nutcase alarm. Come up with something new mate as no one on here is going to give a sad dangerous man like you anyones address. There more likely to give you smallpox, which of course would do the world a favour. Now, which alias will marshal choose to use next in order to repeat his inane ramblings…

Watch this space

Marshall Auldjo says:

Don’t be deceived pal two can play your game. Ive warned you and like the nutter you are you have chosen your idiocy. You are in for a shock just like the people who have been warned of your deception. Your a asshole that is hiding behind a keyboard your a excuse for a man and since this article was about IP issues that is where its going back to. I think yourself questions and yourself answering them proves by your owm additions your sick. Self impersonation your sick pal and rwally need help. I don’t read your emails and self answers to your own questions. I wont be a victim to your childish behaviour as you actually believe the people I had to warn of your threats to phone think your a normal person this thread until we meet is closed.

Chris Finucane says:

The Real Chris Finucane

After sitting reading this thread I thought it was about time I stepped out of the shadows, this will be my one and only comment on here, anything else attributed to me is not genuine, and marshal auljos mischief making.

I am the real deal, I’m the man who marshal sent over 20 abusive emails to, I’m the man who’s employer marshal tried to contact to complain about and failed (they had a good laugh about you marshal). I’m the man who has put up with being stalked and harassed by the aforementioned individual. I’m the man who’s been accused of being a paedophile. I’m the man whos email address as been made public. I’m the man who Marshal is attempting (Rather badly) to destroy.

My advice to anyone reading this thread is not to comment any further.

Marshal is responsible for at least 70% of the comments on here, he has mental issues, quite possibly schizophrenia, and multiple personality disorder. He thrives on publicity and will attempt to discredit anyone who punctures his imaginary world.

That was my misfortune. I never swore at him, did anything nasty or wrong, all I ever asked for was evidence, it drove him to this……

Marshal will delete any comments on his own blog that puncture his imagined world, yet will post vile disgusting abuse abut me where it cannot be removed (Not yet, but I am in touch with tech-dirt who are investigating this).

And just for the record Marshal, your behaviour, emails, attempts to find me, and contact with my employer have all been reported to the police. I have an incident number right here in front of me, all communication from you is being logged.

So why not stop now while you still have a computer and the ability to use it.

Anonymous Coward says:

You’re such a dumb shit marshall. And stop talking about your family because you obviously don’t give a shit about them. You only care about your sick little fantasy world of straitjacketmusic, you shallow selfish old fuck. You really do need to grow the fuck up. Leave Chris Funicane alone because this is not him. You’re like watching a retarded rabid dog chase it’s own tail in circles behind a one way mirror. If you gave two shits about your family you’d remove straitjacketmusic from the internet and give up this sad little game you’re playing. But you don’t because all you care about is yourself and your own mentally ill pride. And your posts are unintelligible garbage. How can you expect anyone to believe you wrote the lyrics of dire straits in manner of hours when you can’t even string together a few sentences that are not grammatical nightmares that sound like you are a drunken psychopath? Ok I’m done. Thanks, take care,and have a wonderful day Marshall. Goodbye.

Action against sick stalkers says:

Where are you getting this information from chrisssy26@gmail.com
Your a fckn weirdo pal if you hadn’t stalked this guys FB page under the guise you were related and got barred from FB for the pretence which I’d say is intruding into someones private life I’d cut your balls off if you have them. For cnts like you are wankers that need a good doing over and if you think your smart hiding in a world where shite is shaped as therapy. The pasting your going to get will probably be enjoyed by a perv so you won’t be complaining so give over your address. Upto now you have two families after your smelly arse I’d advise you to use some scent to cover your smell but you probably already use obsession you vile gutless creepy stalker.

Anonymous Coward says:


Don’t start a fire if you can’t take the heat Auldjo. Honestly, what do you expect would happen if you spread vicious, delusional lies about people on the internet? Did you think your little code name would conceal who you really are, like you’re some kind of superhero with a secret identity? And what is a more perfect example of creepy stalker behavior than trying to insert your dirty self into the lives of famous and successful people via delusional fantasies? You don’t deserve privacy. This is your game, don;t cry foul simply because you suck at it. If you’re someone with no life who goes around acting like an asshole and spreading vicious, stupid lies about people, then you shouldn’t whine like a little bitch when you get exposed and there are repercussions. Fuck your privacy. If there is any action against sick stalkers, it should be against Marshall Auldjo. And the more you talk, the worse you make it for yourself, and the more obvious it becomes that every word you write is a lie. Although, that’s pretty much been established as a certainty at this point.

Truth bringer says:

The truth

Tell you what Mr Auldjo, if you are speaking the truth I will offer you a wager. Shut your mouth for 3 months then come back on here on the 22nd of June without having made a single post on this or any other thread, do not mention the name chris Finucane or his email, or dire straits or mark knopfler for that time, come back then and we may believe you, bet you wont last 3 minutes let alone 3 months. We all know the truth and its not spoken by the sick twisted voices in your head.

Go on Marshal, dare you, don’t comment, don’t come back, just be quiet. If you can achieve the simple act of being quiet then we might begin to believe you are a real honest human being.

No one else post, but don’t hold your breath guys, marshal is a sick man, and he’s just about to prove it. Wait for the comment below, if its dated before june then the man is incapable of holding his tongue.

Lets see what you’ve got sicko.

Marshal Auldjo says:

I admit it

Ok Ok, I admit it, I’m a Scottish Homosexual Schizophrenic, I was never in Dire Straits, my whole blog is a complete pile of haggis flavoured shit, and I apologise to all those I have offended, Oh and no I couldn’t keep my mouth shut cause I’m prone to inane ramblings where I mix up random words from the English language and throw in a bunch of swear words that even a teenager would blush at. This will be my last post on here, and on the internet in general.

I’m sorry.

So so sorry.

Goodbye cruel internet.

Auldjo Admiration Society President says:

I admit it

Well I must give you credit Marshall, it takes a real man to admit to being homosexual, schizophrenic, AND Scottish. And I also must commend you on your sudden and miraculous ability to communicate and use language in a coherent, literate manner. Maybe there’s hope for you afterall…


You're an idiot Auldjo says:


1.) Marshall Auldjo or Robert Marshal or whatever it calls itself, is NOT a writer and should not be referred to as a writer. He is an illiterate mental case with severe emotional problems and some perverse vendetta rooted in his own delusions.

2.) The ludicrous psycho-babble on straitjacketmusic.uk.co has as much chance of being true as the ludicrous psycho-babble of L. Ron Hubbard, another vile lunatic who, unsurprisingly, Auldjo is a fan.

3.) You want notoriety Auldjo, you got it. So don’t whine about it shithead.

4.) Dont try to hide behind fake names, Marshall. Your awful grammar and lack of coherency give you away.

5.) How ya doin pal? 🙂

Anonymous Coward says:


He can’t win his case. He has no fucking case! He started making his ridiculous claims over 5 years ago, yet all this nitwit has done in that time is spew this unfounded filth, and he hasn’t provided one shred of evidence of his preposterous claims. Only threats of violence and insane outbursts. He needs to put up or shut up.

You say he has a point? What the fuck is his point? His blog is the most pointless thing I’ve ever read. He makes no valid point and has no substance at all to what he says. No back up to any of his looney babbling. If this was an assignment for an English class, he gets a F for his terrible grammar and complete lack of evidence. How could such an unhinged person who has exhibited no other poetic or literary talent whatsoever be the writer of the lyrics he claims? And if you are really a person and not just another figment of marshall Auldjos demented imaginings (like robert marshal), then read his blog and just note what a violent hate-filled bigot he is.

Robert Marshal says:

Faggot poof Hitler shag bum boy mother fucker daddy shagged me I will be at the Priory at your request. Expect a phone call at the Priory you dirty arse smelling ugly bastard.
Now the police are going to the Priory pervert, get out of that one.

My army experience you shit licker will tear your big fucking ears from that silly sickening face, then I will stuff them up your arse with a broom handle.

Your the dirtiest smelly pervert on this planet you gloating pedo, Im coming to Tadley this time I will nail you to a wall, You horrible child molester.

Robert Marshal

#1 Fan says:

Ode to Auldjo

Waste descends
Cloaked by the ghostly godly shadow of an soiled kilt
Spreading like a cancer,
Like a raging wildfire
Across the sphere of knowledge
Into the idle hands of eternity
Trumpets loudly blaring
Call Marshall back into the arms of masculine embrace
Sheltered from the eye of reality
Imprisoned by the shouts from a thousand voices
Which never shall pierce the silence of the night

Auldjo Fan says:

Marshall Auldjo, the deranged convicted child molester, is NOT dead!! He lives!! And he continues to write fantasy stories at straitjacketmusic.co.uk about an imaginary character named Robert Marshal, who wrote the lyrics to all the Dire Straits songs in only a few hours. But then after that, could only write terrible, stupid poetry which is also featured on straitjacketmusic.co.uk

Auldjo’s daughter Dawn, and his grandsons Liam, Nathan, and Daniel no longer speak to him. But it does it bother him because he is insane. Also, his lunacy also forced his significant other Marysia Zoltowska to resign from the brownie guides. Sad for them.

Auldjo Fan says:

Waste descends
Cloaked by the ghostly godly shadow of an soiled kilt
Spreading like a cancer,
Like a raging wildfire
Across the sphere of knowledge
Into the idle hands of eternity
Trumpets loudly blaring
Call Marshall back into the arms of masculine embrace
Sheltered from the eye of reality
Imprisoned by the shouts from a thousand voices
Which never shall pierce the silence of the night

Auldjo Fan says:

Ghostly Godly trumpets blare far over yonder
A jilted kilted Scotsman stands alone in the barren moor
His feral mind charging to a million places
And crumbling in a million pieces
Nary a honeybee in sight
Nor another living soul
O Where are the Dawn?
To bring light to this darkest night?
She’s elusive and beyond his reach
She has faded away from him
Away with the children born to her
And the children bore from the fruit of her child
Now he must begin to Marshall in a new era
He must let go the past
With only shadows left of the Dawn
A memory of things lost forever
Trapped in a time long passed

Mark Knopflers double says:

Hey Marshall, great lyrics! If you don’t mind I’ve put them to music and they’ll be on my next album due for release this fall. I used the tune from postman pat and it fits great, really enhancing the spiritual mood of your process….

Good luck with the impersonation of a Scottish tramp, at least the weathers warm on the streets of Provan this time of year!

C. F. says:

You are a bully and you have lost!

A final comment to bring the curtain crashing down.

The thing is marshal, you can say what you want hidden in anonymity behind a keyboard. That’s generally what bullies do.

Sadly as a bully you’re just so bad at it. Tried to destroy my family – FAILED. Tried to cost me my job – FAILED. Tried to lie to a policeman (-Marshall Auldjo internet issue – incident number 1410220048​2) FAILED. Tried to garner sympathy on AMIT – FAILED and BANNED.

You’re just not very good really are you.

A failed bully has no power and you have no power over any of your chosen victims, that’s why you will be forever ignored by both myself and Mr knopfler.

Enjoy your failure and your continuing delusions, the only person who will be reading them from now to eternity is you.

Goodbye and good luck.

You’ll need every bit you can handle.

C. F.

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