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Dear Shaolin Monks: There Are People On The Internet Who Make Up Stories. Just Ignore Them
from the sue-like-the-dragon,-demand-apologies-like-a-tiger dept
If you want to know just how litigious our world has become, all you need to know is that the lawyers for China's famed Shaolin Temple (yes, it has lawyers) are demanding that an anonymous online forum poster apologize for claiming that a group of Shaolin monks had been beaten in unarmed combat by a Japanese ninja. Apparently, for all their fancy martial arts moves, the Shaolin monks aren't particularly familiar with how internet forums work. Here's a hint: people make stuff up all the time. And no one believes it. And no one pays any attention to it. Of course, now that you're demanding an apology for this "horrible deed" (horrible? really?) all that's done is draw a lot more attention to a story that no one would have read (much less cared about) in the first place.
Reader Comments
(Flattened / Threaded)
Seriously?
This isn't a story off the Onion or something? Good lord. It's from Reuters. This is serious? Come on, people! Why bother? How much damage could that possibly do?
First
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I'm always happy to hear when Ninja's beat monks. Mostly because I'm a ninja myself.
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Re: The Swiss Cheese Monste
I'm always happy to hear when Ninja's beat monks. Mostly because I'm a ninja myself. Really, do you have shurikens? Because you can't be a ninja if you don't have shurikens.
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Re: Re: The Swiss Cheese Monste
I have Dust Slaying Nano-Shurikens of Doom!
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Ninja
No, you're not, and you better apologize now.
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I love you.
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Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.
And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't believe that ninjas have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.
Ninjas are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Ninjas are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee).
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Re:
did someone forget their meds today?!?
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Re:
Ninjas can not defeat my wu-tang style!
souuuuuuuuuuu.
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Re: RealUltimatePower.net
Ninjas are especially sweet when they are flipping out and wailing on their guitars.
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BREAKING NEWS!
China and Japan don't get along!
*cough*One example why.*cough*
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Kill bill
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ninjas own, end of story. its not like denying it will change anything, ninjas own
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BELIEVE IT!!!
NINJAS ARE THE BEST BELIEVE IT!
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Woo, Pirates?
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BlogDay
Just wanted to let you know that I've recommended your blog on BlogDay 2007:
http://pravdam.com/2007/09/01/my-5-blogday-choices/
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I am Sparta!
I feel sorry for these monks, they dont go online much so they arent exposed to the beast that is an online forum
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robert
My dear you really need to get out more ... you be a sick puppy!
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Re: robert
Prometheus meet Sarcasm, I see you've never met before...
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Oh boy, this is going to get out of control
and fast. Next we'll have topics about who would win; Chuck Norris, Ninjas, Pirates, or Monks....
Personally, I think good ol' Chuck would win hands down.
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Re: Oh boy, this is going to get out of control
oh please, Chuck can't even win from Steven Seagal
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ALGORYTHM MARCH
WITH NINJAS!
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all publicity is good publicity? Ha!
You mean these monks are such wimps they have to have lawyers fight their battles? Beaten my Ninjas? These monks are being beaten by a trollers!
What wimps they are.
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To be honest, most people knew that the Shaolin Monks are pussies. They're just full of fancy stuff to make them look cool. Ninjas have a reputation for being unstoppable and deadly, and do THEY parade around the world showing off their skills? HELL no. Most people deny that they even exist. And they still have a better reputation than these monks.
And this online forum thing? Even more proof. Ninjas wouldn't even say anything. The "anonymous" poster would just be found dead one day, with a print out of his post stapled to his head. But the monks... they're too scared.
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Uh Oh...
This is getting ugly.
I hear the Wu-Tang Clan has sided with the monks AND hired Chuck Norris to mete out justice.
It is also believed that Mr. T, Elmo, and Steven Segal are getting involved by declaring a Twinkie and chainsaw war on all ninjas.
But seriously, remember the same culture produced a professional state run news paper that believed The Onion's story about the new Solid Gold Capital Dome...
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Ninjas are only famous for their flipouts, because they have no control over their temper or emotions. At least the monks have control over their emotions, if not their intelligence once in a while.
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What Geek does NOT Know just WHO-the Shaolin Monks
It goes back to what Geek does not know about Star Wars? George Lucus, himself cited his model for the "FORCE" and the amazing abilities of mind control and fighting power as based on the "Shaolin Monk" amazing abilities. They are centuries old and have a diffent force thing working for them. Go to History Channel.com and seek it out. By the way, George Lucus, himself, narrated this documentary about where his ideas came from for the Star Wars movies.
According to George, they are really bad dudes that defend good over evil, the Red Chinese army does not mess with them either. Besides the mind control thing they have- they are unbelievable fighters. No one on record has ever beat them in the many centuries before and after the Ninjas ever exsisted. It is a historical fact look it up.
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Re: What Geek does NOT Know just WHO-the Shaolin M
That's a load of bull. I saw Mr. T take on 6 of them just the other day.
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Gizmodo
Mike,
You think you're so tough. Hate bad patents, out of line corporations, bad ideas. Ha! You guys aren't tough.
I have it on record that one day in 1970, two Gizmodo writers entered the Techdirt premises and proceded to bitch slap all Techdirt staff and writers, and give them atomic wedgies. The Gizmodo writers got out without a scratch.
Apparently, they used "Gizmo-syle" kung-fu. Which is a little like "wax on, wax off", but is more like "gizmo crash, cycle power". Either way, it makes for whopper wedgies.
This is true because I wrote it on the Internets.
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Go pick up a few Weber grills with your forearms and fall face first into a snow pile you robe wearing sissy's!
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real vs not real
Monks exist. Ninjas do not. Simple for them to win.
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Streisand effect is awesome.
>>>Monks exist. Ninjas do not. Simple for them to win.
Umm... Ninjas do exist.
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Pirates kick ninja ass any day of the month.
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confused
what about those poor confused ninjas who live in monasteries... not that there's anything wrong with that.
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ninjas eat grasshoppers for breakfast!
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Ninja's Take Down Chinese Government
My Sensei is planning for all my Ninja brothers to take down the Chinese government soon, we will assassinate every last one of them, and perhaps take in a show or two at the Chinese Ballet.
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Chuck Norris can kill them all with just a thought.
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Shaolin Lawyers?
How long do you have to go to law school to be a Shaolin Lawyer? I'm betting they are the ones who are truly unstoppable in this day and age! If I was the punk who posted that message I'd be shitting my pants...
And by the way, Pirates use guns ;) Ninja/Monk vs. Pirate: Reminds me of that scene from indiana jones...
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Turtles
Has anyone asked the Turtles how they feel
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bitchinthread
Shaolin Monks are to Jesus what Ninja are to Chuck Norris
Monks
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Monks v Ninjas
In all fairness a Shaolin Monk would definitely beat the shit out a Ninja, with the key words being "IN UNARMED COMBAT". Ninjitsu relies on stealth, acrobatics and weapons. Sure that ninja might be a tough target to hit, but it's like putting a fox in a ring with a bear. The bear can take a lot of damage because it's slow and strong, but all it needs is one solid hit to take down that fox.
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Huh?
These ninja, were they mutant and happen to be turtles?
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Of course
Ninjas always win at rock paper scissors then they drip poison down a string into your open sleeping mouth
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w00t
@CobraKai: your thinking of Martin Blank, not assassins. (Gross Point Blank)
@Everyone else:
Shaolin Monks would win hands down. Contrary to belife, they are trained in armed AND un-armed combat. They are also trained from the time they are children. Ninjas a taught when they decide they dont want to get picked on anymore and they want to learn how to fight and beat people up.
I trained in Bok Fu for several years, which is decendant from one of the 5 originators of Shaolin Monks training. (Three of em died in duels, but hey, thats what happens when you get 5 dudes together that kick ass for a living).
If you ever have a chance to learn Bok Fu, DO IT... it is one of the best fighting styles I have ever seen. (Though it takes a lifetime to master).
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Re: w00t
If you ever have a chance to learn Bok Fu, DO IT... it is one of the best fighting styles I have ever seen. (Though it takes a lifetime to master).
So by the time you're a master, you can wield your walking frame with deadly efficency
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Fully agree with what you said, here is my addtional 2 cents:
Just finish the Frontier Visionary Interview with Alvin Toffler ( http://www.hwswworld.com/uploaddownload/interview/toffler.mp3 ), I was impressed by his sharp mind as well as his talking speed, that is probably why he could made those precise predictions, such as Prosume, a combination of outsourcing and DIY
Through the interview, the following viewpoints have been drawn:
1. There is no truth, only the correctness of truth to be proved. That is the fundamental limitation of human perception of reality
2. Minority power is good in certain way; it is ridiculous a high school drop out shall have the same voting as that of post-doctor. Elite ruling is good for a less developed world for sure
3. To fix the education system, the key is not the system itself; the key is people, especially those students. How to motivate them is a key challenge, since current generation and future generations need not study and work hard in order to make a decent living as we did before
4. The causes and effects of innovation to drive knowledge creation is yet a wild land or wonderland to be fully explored
5. There is a possibility for business miniature to happen, it will be not a shame any more for one-man shop, or one-shop man
6. Where will the modern civilization head on remains an open question
7. Human intelligence will be enhanced through technology advancement
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> Shaolin Monks are to Jesus what Ninja are to Chuck Norris
Best internet quote of the day :)
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erm
historically speaking (just for the record) ninja were generally trained from childhood as well. The ninja was a direct response to the samurai of the age being rather well... totalitarian. A village would donate a child to one of the ninja clans in exchange for relief from oppression.
Anyway, just 2 cents
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By that logic they'll be asking for an apology for the movie Bulletproof Monk... my God was that a bad movie.
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Martial Arts Facts
1st: Normal or 'street fight' level fights;
In 1973 ABC Wide World of Sports *AND* Karate Illustrated magazine, both (individually) hosted fights using top world champion karate masters. They were responding to numerous claims and insults from the boxing community about the inferiority of Karate to boxing. Both 'masters' were pitted against no-name unranked club fighters. Both fights had to be stopped in the 3rd round...because the boxers were beating the crap out of the karate boys.
It takes a kick 5 times as long to land as a punch from the same person. Hence they are far easier to stop. They also take up much more energy. You might watch 50 karate fights w/o ever seeing a knockout kick land. And against a well schooled boxer (who keeps his hands up) it is very unlikely).
Then (about 20 yrs back) ESPN started (or started showing) the World Karate Assn fights. Boxers moved in and beat the snot out of the karate guys. So they changed the rules and the 2nd year they required a min of 8 kicks per round.
Karate is for the movies - some modern forms are a little better.
But they all have cool looking but silly things in them that might get you beat sensless.
On a personal note I started karate because I wanted the stretching after a motorcycle accident. With only 2 years of boxing in HS I could beat my 3rd dan instructor and every other person in the dojo. I was 140 lbs.
(Police statistic: 80% to 90% of ALL fights end up on the ground).
Many years later I became a cop and was introduced to Jiu Jitsu. Then later to Judo. Judo is Jiu Jitsu PLUS how to fight standing up. JJ is almost all ground work. Even the Gracie manual says to train Judo 2 days a week. They say this because in the vast majority of times a Gracie has fought a judoka, the judo guy has won. If you control *how* you go to the ground you are likely to do better once there.
If you want to beat the daylights out of any monk or bruce lee you run across learn to box well and learn judo. Learning a few low snap kicks might be of use but this can be done in a day. Boxing will take months of you are brave and disciplined. Judo/JJ will take 5 to 10 years.
2nd Lethal fighting. Intentional killing.
All one needs to do is watch the "Human Weapon" series to see the superiority of MMA type fighters. Take any ranked guy and put him in an alley with the top guy from any karate and it will just be sad. Karate (and most other disciplines) only look good when going against one another. And if you want to include killing and maiming blows Krav Maga and others get it much more right than karate and its immediate offshoots.
All of this of course applies to unarmed combat.
If your opponents are armed with anything, have a gun.
Don't be stupid the cops will get there after it's all over.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=S7pGt_O1uM8
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... why, exactly, are there no Shaolin Ninjamonks? I want a Ninjamonk.
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Is it luck or is it fate?
Life is not game where certain rules are always followed and in the real world there is always a random element. Many, if not most, of the people writing or reading this have never been in any kind of real combat, and that is a good thing. The most important thing I learned in martial arts training was be very very humble because every once in a while some jamoke with no training and an inflated sense of ego gets lucky and connects the punch, kick, etc. of a lifetime and then you are on the ground or in the e.r. with your black belt and all, bruises both to your body and your own ego. Another important thing I learned is that it really really hurts when someone kicks, punches you or dislocates your elbows. You don't bounce back the way people do in the movies. Your hands hurt for days when you hit them against hard things like faces, shins and the ground.
Why would any organization or any master want to demand an apology is such a pedestrian forum as a court of law?
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you guys are freaks
ok all u weirdos listen up! (especially that robert guy) you guys need to get a life, cuz unless any of you have actually met a ninja(which i seriously doubt you have) how would you know if they even exist let alone are "freakin awsome"? plus if you guys idolize ninjas so much shouldn't you be out there kungfu training or something instead of leaving coments on the internet?
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Re: you guys are freaks
dude. ninjas are japanese. kung fu is a chinese discipline. get it straight. next thing you'll be calling all things east asian... rugs.
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Reminds me of a joke I once heard...
Did you hear about the Zen Master that ordered a Hot Dog? He wanted the Hot Dog with everything.
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Re: Reminds me of a joke I once heard...
Heard and ruined. They guy asks the Zen Master what he wants on his hot dog. The Zen Master replies "make me one with everything."
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This smells a whole
lot like #chinavsjapan
where are the OPs?
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You guys calling Robert weird are missing the joke-
www.RealUltimatePower.net
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My 12 guage shotgun beats your karate/ninja/kung fu bullshit any day.
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Really, really
Interestingly...neither show up for UFC.
And anyway, you know that Pirates would win the UFC. You do. Really, really.
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ok...seriously...how the hell could anyone tell them two apart. They both look the same minus the armor and the clothes.
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I promise!
I heard it was Chuck Norris!
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I could bet ninjas with the deadly art of Fuk Yu, where ya just headbutt them in the face before polishing of ya pint.
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I'm a monk and I really don't care. Ninjas are just as awesome as us.
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Don't forget the Mi Dik Ees Bigga school of fighting!
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Hold on...
I thought Shoalin Monks only fought when the absolutely had to like when a life (not necessarily their own) is in danger. The main purpose of their training is the discipline, focus, and meditation not the kicks, punches, and attacks right? Why should the care that someone wrote a story about them being defeated?
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Do you think the Ninja's will show up at court?
What if it like turns into a Hollywood like brawl right there at the courthouse, a big showdown between the Ninjas and the Monks... Would Chuck Norris win?
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Trolls
In all reality, the Trolls have already won. We must submit to rule by the Trolls because neither the ninjas nor the monks seem to be able to win against them as the Trolls can use the internet tubes to attack from any where at any time.
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Monks!
So forum posts are such a powerful force in the universe these days that they can anger monks? Not just a monk, but the entire order... Man! And I thought these guys were supposed to be one of the pinnacles of self-control in the world.
Sheesh whats next, the Dalai Lama getting involved in a flame war...Or maybe a resurrected Gandi peddling a book promoting a lifestyle of gluttony, loss of civil freedoms, and proactive military force on Fox News.
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I am Chuck. Hear my Liger roar!
I am Chuck Norris. I now how a Liger to help me. Together, the Liger, the other Texas Rangers and I will defeat all the monks and monkeys and rid the world of them. Then I will sell my Liger to Sigfried and Roy.
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Chuck Norris Wins
Chuck Norris could beat all the Shaolin Monks and Ninjas combined with both his arms and legs tied behind his back.
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The whole ninja beats monks is basically a shitload of some muthafuckas who watched too much ninja craps and got no respect and basic knowledge of chinese martial arts and culture. And that applies onto all of you here.
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I know...from experience
Chuck Norris beats all. I was a ninja in my first life but I lost to Chuck. I was reincarnated as a Shaolin Monk, it is quite obvious what happened. I hope next I am reincarnated as a pirate because we have not yet offended Chuck Norris. I only fear the day when they release season one of Walker, Texas Ranger and one of us decides to upload it on the internet.
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Megaupload downloading
Usually I use the best file searcher- http://megaupload.name/
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lol, you guys should calm down on the naruto
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