Things Not To Do When On Trial For Stealing Computers: Steal The Court's Computers

from the just-saying dept

Not that we fully understand the mind of a criminal, but, generally speaking, while you're on trial for committing a specific crime, you should probably do your best to make yourself look innocent. That probably includes not committing the identical type of crime. Especially in the courthouse where your case is being tried. Of course, no one ever said that you had to be smart to be a criminal. Apparently a man was convicted of stealing a computer after he stole computers from the courthouse during his own trial for stealing computers elsewhere. He says he did it "for personal reasons" and as his way of "asking for help." It would seem like there are better ways to ask for help, but, now it looks like he'll be getting somewhere around five years of "help" in prison.


Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1.  
    identicon
    French coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 6:18am

    He was probably looking for an F1 button.
    Not very funny, I admit...

     

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  2.  
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    Claymore Black, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 6:35am

    "I needed help, and I didn't know how to ask for help," he said. "And I guess, in my crazy way, that was my way of asking for help. Help with my drug problems, help with my sanity."

    He's smart enought to self analyse himself and come to the above conclusion and yet we are suppose to believe is BS that he was asking for help by stealing computers. NO you are a THIEF... you steal stuff because you are a scumbag.

     

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  3.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 6:48am

    Re:

    "He's smart enought to self analyse himself and come to the above conclusion and yet we are suppose to believe is BS that he was asking for help by stealing computers. NO you are a THIEF... you steal stuff because you are a scumbag."

    He's a scumbag because he steals, yet chances are you are sitting on plenty of MP3s at home that you didn't pay for....

     

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  4.  
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    Robert, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 6:50am

    Great!

    I not only love this article, I especially love the writer and wit. You guys always make my day!!!!!!!!!

     

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  5.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 6:58am

    Re: Re:

    Listening to mp3's is not stealing. "I found them"

     

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  6.  
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    Liam, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:04am

    Finders Keepers, Losers Sues Us.

     

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  7.  
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    Claymore Black, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:04am

    "He's a scumbag because he steals, yet chances are you are sitting on plenty of MP3s at home that you didn't pay for...."


    You are right... I admit it. I have illegal MP3s... but I'm not trying to claim it's a cry for help. My comment wasn't taking a "moral high ground". I was stating that you need to own up for what you do and not tried to hide behind some ridiculous "reasons".

     

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  8.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:16am

    Commenter #3 = RIAA Mole lackey!!!!!!!!

     

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  9.  
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    Mike w/covad, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:17am

    goble-de-goop

    I found a Babara Streisand CD on the side of the road, should I have mailed it to IRAA?

     

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  10.  
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    friedclyde, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:21am

    Hilarious

    This is probarbly one of the most hilarious articles written by you guys. Apparently this is also the first time I have visited you guys. Anyway it was a good read :)

     

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  11.  
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    Jake, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:24am

    Re: goble-de-goop

    What is the IRAA?

    Did you mean RIAA? Took me a minute.... LoL :)

     

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  12.  
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    Baddhabit, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:31am

    Re: F1 key? wtf?

    Hey .. the F1 key as the first comment.. What the hell.. No not funny at all... This isn't funny either.. but maybe you meant to say the "any key"...

    Sigh... Ametuers..

     

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  13.  
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    DJ Twiztid, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:33am

    wow...if we have mp3's we are scumbags for having them. YAY team scumbag! What I'd like to know is WTF is so wrong that you have to steal to get help. It sends a much stronger message if you shoot someone or better yet. yourself!

     

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  14.  
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    Rabid Wolverine, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:33am

    Dumb crooks...

    It's a wonder ther human race has survived this long...

     

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  15.  
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    dataguy, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:38am

    Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?

    In MS applications the "F1" key will display the help file. Try lighting up a bit.

    btw the "f7" key invokes the spell checker - to bad that doesn't apply to browers ;-)

     

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  16.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:39am

    You're only surviving as long as 'we' let you.

     

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  17.  
    identicon
    DJ, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:43am

    Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?

    Yeah I got the F1 joke. Not enough to get a laugh. Hell didn't even get a chuckle or a titter. But nice try though.

     

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  18.  
    identicon
    dataguy, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:45am

    Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?

    That should say "lightening up".

    As soon as you comment on someone else's spelling you are almost doomed to screw up your own response...

     

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  19.  
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    wolff000, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:06am

    yea Right.

    He wants help as much as a teenager wants to go to school (minus the wierd kids that liked school). This guy stole cause he could. I wouldn't say he was a scumbag just for stealing I do it all the time, software movies, and music but I admit I'm a thief. People that hide behind these BS excuses should be hung by thier testicles and flogged until they admit they did it cause they wanted to.

     

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  20.  
    identicon
    Wha?, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:14am

    Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?

    Don't you mean "Escape Key?"
    As in looking for...
    or
    Is not working?

     

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  21.  
    identicon
    me me me, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:26am

    Lighting up

    no pretty sure he meant 'light up' ... as in some grass, then 'lightening up' is an inevitable consequence of that. so hey everyone's happy.

    well actually i doubt it.. but wtf why not... it works

     

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  22.  
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    SomeoneElse, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:28am

    Re: Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?

    "That should say "lightening up". " -- actually I found the misspelling to be MORE appropriate! Lighting up might actually help more people get jokes!!

     

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  23.  
    identicon
    SomeoneElse, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:28am

    Re: Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?

    "That should say "lightening up". " -- actually I found the misspelling to be MORE appropriate! Lighting up might actually help more people get jokes!!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  24.  
    icon
    Bubba Nicholson (profile), Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:37am

    Here's the help the computer theif was looking for

    Criminal behavior is a pheromone deficiency, easily remedied. Take any lipophilic vehicle food, I use new pieces of sugarless chewing gum, and wipe off the facial paternal pheromone from the shiny surfaces of a mature male "father-age" pheromone donor. (The pheromone is the greasy residue left on the mirror or plate glass after you push your nose on it and step back. Nearly 800 chemicals that mostly look just like butterfly pheromones, one unique in nature: sebaleic acid.) About 100 mg p.o. will give this computer-stealing criminal (or probably any criminal without organic brain damage) a new lease on life. Instantaneously, he/she will become crime free and begin a new life.

    Side effects (there are always side effects): mainly, jealousy. If you sense a strange pheromone in the saliva of the person you are kissing you get jealous. Simple as that. Seems that intuition is chemoreception, huh?

     

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  25.  
    identicon
    French coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:49am

    Of course, the F1 joke is terrible. I'm pretty sure nobody can find anything worse than this one.

     

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  26.  
    identicon
    SomeoneElse, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 8:50am

    Re: Here's the help the computer theif was looking

    Wow... That was either the most bizarre, brain-damaged theory about criminal behavior, or the most brilliant... No, on second thought -- definitely brain-damaged.

     

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  27.  
    identicon
    Target Practice, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 9:33am

    Re: Re: Re: F1 key? wtf?

    Heh, I actually thought the F1 joke was pretty funny... once he explained it. Don't know why people are all bent out of shape about it. It was more clever than the "lighting up" bit, certainly.

     

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  28.  
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    mlvassallo, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 9:35am

    He said he had "drug problems" and he got arrested for drug possession as well. Chances are he is a crack addict. Crack addicts would sell their own teeth for crack if they could. There is no rhyme or reason behind it, just the drive to get money and more crack.


    Has nobody seen New Jack City?

     

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  29.  
    identicon
    Mike J, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 9:39am

    few things I have to metion. one, SHUT UP ABOUT MP3'S AND THE JACKARSES AT THE RIAA, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, THIS ARTICLE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER OF THEM.

    On the real TOPIC, I thought it was hilarious, and I just thought DE DA DEE (mind of mencia) when I read the F1 joke. This criminal using an EXCUSE of its a cry for help. No your stealing and you know its wrong, if you need help ASK for it. Its american culture to blame someone else for everything from my daddy never loved me thats why Im a jerk to I am sueing the 7-11 because their air vent was too small and I got stuck in it while breaking in and went to jail becuse of it. (neither happened to me I was just wording them in first person for effect)

    We need to wake up, take responcibility for our actions and behaviors, and stop playing the blame game.

     

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  30.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 9:47am

    well, no, it's kinda smart.

    if he wants help, he can ask, but he'd have to pay. therapists, medication....hospital stays and the like? are there "free help places"???

    plus it's a lot easier to steal something (a minor crime, per sey) and get "treatment" in jail. then you can get one of those nice after jail jobs, and be set. and how much did it cost you? a few years, all the while working towards something better?

     

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  31.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 10:10am

    funniest article ever

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  32.  
    identicon
    ignatius KILLFILE, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 10:20am

    Re:F1

    no, I think he was looking for the key combo' "Ctrl z"

     

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  33.  
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    Anonymous Coward killer, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 10:35am

    Wtf

    F1 joke is dead now. It was mutilated. Stop trying to make it "better".

    Btw I have mp3s and Im proud of it. Why support the RIAA? There are many other ways to support the artists if they really deserve it. There are WAY too many "artists" that make shit just because it will sell and not because it is really true to them. Make music not garbage! (and yes I'm well aware I am completlely and totally off topic from anything, but I do not care!)

     

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  34.  
    identicon
    Prometheum, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 11:59am

    Re: Here's the help the computer theif was looking

    Though I've never heard of any of this, its most likely true. There's tons of shit chemichals can do, including cureing kleptomania, if you actually have that disorder.

    and on the subject of the RIAA: My pirated hoarde is worth thousands. SUCK IT.

     

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  35.  
    identicon
    DJ, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 12:13pm

    Re: Re: Here's the help the computer theif was loo

    I second that. Bloody wankers. Cheers to the down fall of tyrony AKA RIAA

     

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  36.  
    identicon
    DJ, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 12:15pm

    Re: Re: Re: Here's the help the computer theif was

    Yes I know I spelled it wrong. Tyranny. Are you happy message board police?!

     

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  37.  
    identicon
    MB Police, Sep 20th, 2006 @ 7:32pm

    Corrections Department

    Yes we are quite happy!

    P.S. May the RIAA die drowning in their own blood!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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