George Zimmer’s Techdirt Profile

george_zimmer

About George Zimmer

I'm George Zimmer, CEO and founder of Men's Warehouse. If you've reached this point on my profile, I commend you for not exploding in your pants.



George Zimmer’s Comments comment rss

  • Jan 10th, 2013 @ 9:58am

    (untitled comment)

    Hi Tim, I'm George Zimmer, founder and CEO of Men's Wearhouse.

    This cellphone recording is definitely bothersome. Why, just the other day I was pulled over for speeding by a lascivious lady officer.

    As she was writing my ticket, I offered her a chance to experience the concussion inducing throwback of my white volcano on the grounds she allow me to record it and share the Spankwire profits.

    Unfortunately, she took it as a threat to her life and attempted to blind me with mace. The situation worsened as while I was stumbling about, the sway of my angelic hips loosed the voluminous meat trunk from my Kenneth Cole Straight Jeans and into an arc beautiful enough to make Euclid poop his pants, the result however was construed as assault on an officer and I was taken into custody.

    When I got my cellphone back, the video had been deleted along with numerous pictures of my photoshopped next to Ryan Gosling.

  • Nov 5th, 2012 @ 12:48pm

    (untitled comment)

    Hi Mike, I'm George Zimmer, Founder and CEO of Men's Wearhouse.

    Mike, I'm here to tell why you both parties enjoy branding our civil liberties with an array of death-dealing mushroom stamps.

    Being a businessman, I love to fantasize about the soft touch of paper money. Sometime I collect enough to build a doll, customized to fit the meager profile of a general public member, and then using a number of pre-selected sentences, put the doll into a swoon with the promise of dinner and a movie.

    After the small talk, and while the doll is steeped in a love-fueled bliss, I rigorously violate it shaking free the money and satisfying the Michael Douglas-like needs of my non-barbed bear phallus.

    So you see, Mike, politicians are much like me, except instead of offering Zimmer-sized programs, which are impossible to quantify, to win the popular favor, they offer "bite-sized" programs, which sound great but fall short in the long-run.

    Eventually, the American public is going to start giving some of that violation back to these virgin-holed politicians. I guarantee it.

  • Nov 2nd, 2012 @ 6:05am

    Re: Re:

    Hi Niall.

    That bit is trademarked as part of The Mens Wearhouse. Any use of it without authorization results in an anal gouging so explosive, it'll makes Kristen Stewart's career look inconsequential. I guarantee it.

  • Nov 2nd, 2012 @ 6:03am

    Re: Re:

    Hi Niall.

    That bit is trademarked as part of The Mens Wearhouse. Any use of it without authorization results in an anal gouging so explosive, it'll makes Kristen Stewart's career look inconsequential. I guarantee it.

  • Nov 1st, 2012 @ 10:19am

    (untitled comment)

    I haven't heard this amount of whining since putting Carly Rae Epsen into a 2 week recuperation coma from her tripping-the-light-fantastic ride on my savage coital tube snake.

    I think Mr. Mellencamp and I should meet, so I can explain to him how he needs to educate himself on these matters before writing lengthy hack opinion pieces that make Jon Taplin sound like a legitimate writer.

  • Nov 1st, 2012 @ 9:40am

    Re: Re:

    Hi Lord Binky.

    If you want porn that will make you blind, I suggest you join one of my corporate team-building exercises at my cabin dungeon in the Appalachian mountains.

  • Nov 1st, 2012 @ 9:09am

    (untitled comment)

    Hi Tim, I'm George Zimmer, Founder and CEO of The Men's Wearhouse.

    I just wanted to point out that there's a small error in your story. To explain, I'll regale you with a story while I do my morning exercise routine to insure testicular fortitude of my globular man butter breweries.

    Carly, much like Ashless Simpson, became the target of my sensuously dangerous affections. One consequence that seems to affect most starlets who gaze upon the voluptuous trunk of my yogurt gun is the tendency to lose their fame in a fortnight. Unfortunately, the fame erodes even faster if they take a ride on the infamous "Zimmer Baloney Pony."

    So, it is most depressing that young Carly has lost her privilege of fame, though maybe the world is beginning to realize that vapid lyrics and a flashy hipster garb are not items conducive with popularity.

    I'll tell what is conducive with popularity...A Pronto Uomo vest and a pair of jeans from The Men's Wearhouse. Timberlake wears it, and he likes the way he looks. I guarantee it.

  • Oct 26th, 2012 @ 11:07am

    Re: You "capitalists" are claiming a socialist excuse to profit!

    Hi out_of_the_blue, I'm George Zimmer, Founder and CEO of Men's Wearhouse.

    I haven't heard this amount of throttled yelping since your sister beheld the Zeus-like glow of my veiny meat ferret.

    As the CEO of Men's Wearhouse, I find that an inviting conversation usually begins without assuming things for the other party. For example, during a board meeting, I typically assume everyone wants to see my humungor baby batter boilers. Unfortunately, many have shied away from this visage of perfection and it's lost me much credibility in the way of things.

    If you can take this advice to heart, I'm sure many here will listen to your opinion. I guarantee it.

  • Oct 25th, 2012 @ 12:52pm

    (untitled comment)

    Hi Mike, I'm George Zimmer, Founder and CEO of Men's Wearhouse.

    This wireless tapping is a huge problem for me because the sight of my Cthulhu love tentacle during the Men's Wearhouse annual naked twister party causes most people to recite the ramblings of the Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred, but in a higher octave, and we know what the government thinks of Arabs.

    My first solution would be to clean out Obama's ears with my writhing flesh snake, but unfortunately that would kill him. I guarantee it.

  • Oct 25th, 2012 @ 12:17pm

    Re: Why don't you pay comment authors?

    Hi Bob, I'm George Zimmer, Founder and CEO of Men's Wearhouse.

    I'm going to be honest with you bob, when my interns go off-topic like this, it usually warrants a skull-crushing via my salmon-tinted meat porpoise. I guarantee it.