You all remember the Parent's Television Council. They're the conservative family values on television police that seem to think nobody should watch anything they don't like. This has amounted to trying to keep kids from seeing documentaries, to being accused of a focus on fund-raising over actually doing anything, and seeming to have the kind of extreme interest in pornography that would worry most psychologists. Basically, they strive to make everything you see as family-friendly as possible, because they have families and you should too and, if you don't, you don't count. Side note: Billy Ray Cyrus is a board member of the PTC, because a guy married multiple times with children outside of wedlock is super in line with conservative family values.
Well, the PTC is back again to ruin everyone's fun. This time, they have their cross-hairs set on Fox's new late-night cartoon program, which is made up of a bunch of cartoon shorts parodying beloved children's programming for adult audiences. The recently-premiered ADHD programming is supposed to eventually compete with other adult-oriented shows in that time slot, notably Saturday Night Live. The majority of the content is only available online, but that doesn't mean a thing to the PTC, who recently publicly blasted Fox Chairman Kevin Reilly over the show.
"Even if Fox selected only the most benign programs from the 'ADHD' block to spin into a half-hour time slot on Sunday nights, there's no getting around the fact that the online counterpart makes available mind-blowingly explicit parodies of cartoons beloved by millions of children, all without any parental controls or age restrictions whatsoever," PTC President Tim Winter wrote in the letter.
So, by now you're probably wondering what has the PTC so up in arms, right? Well, the answer, of course, is turtle penises, as we learn from this NSFW clip.
If you're a child of the 80's and you didn't laugh, you need severe psychiatric care. It's a hilarious parody of what Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be if they were depicted more scientifically accurately. And, yes, there are penises. Scary, terrifying, cartoon penises that just make the PTC have to go poopy with anger.
But here's the thing, this show is a late-night show
, competing with other shows geared towards adults and shown in a time slot when all good little boys and girls with parents that aren't chimpanzees should be in bed. Or, at the very least, should have their television habits monitored. You know, by their parents
. That, after all, is what the "P" in PTC stands for: parents, who, if they're doing their jobs properly, can save their children from the horrors of seeing a half-shelled mega-wang (turtle-power indeed). But, hey, parenting is hard (totally not an intended pun) and grandstanding for fund-raising is easy, which is how we get the PTC trying to make sure no one has any fun.