CIA Refuses To Release Osama's Porn Collection Information To Bro Who Submitted FOIA For It

from the pron dept

Who could have possibly thought that something of interest would actually come out of something called BroBible? As it turns out, the site that calls itself the best place for all the world's bros to gather on the internet -- which sounds horrible -- has created a bit of interest after BroBible editor David Covucci filed an FOIA request with the CIA for a listing of the pornography the government has long claimed it found in the Pakistani compound where the Osama bin Laden raid occurred.

We at the men's general interest publication BroBible dot com (one of the nation's largest websites for men), would like to know what pornographic materials Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death.

We are adults. We can handle it. We would like to know what kind of porn the world's most wanted man jerked it to. Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation? I imagine it would be hard for him to focus on his dick, so I figure he had to watch some really nasty shit.
Well-filed, bro, well-filed. Not well enough, however, as the CIA responded to his bro-ness, denying his request and claiming that any information about any pornography the CIA might have from the bin Laden compound fell under the designation of an "operational file" and was therefore exempt from release upon an FOIA request. As Vice News explains, operational files are very specific things that cover very specific kinds of information. Essentially, information falls under an operational file designation if it deals with how America is conducting foreign intelligence gathering, who we might be working with in that regard, any specifics about the technology we're using to conduct our spycraft, or any information that would reveal who we are looking at overseas. None of that really applies to a terrorist king's spank bank.
"It seems like a stretch to call these [pornographic] materials operational files," said Steven Aftergood, the director of the Project on Government Secrecy. "Although they may have been obtained in the course of an operation, they do not have anything to do with the planning or conduct of the operation. So they don't really fit the definition of an operational file in the CIA Information Act."
But the CIA had another excuse for not releasing the information, and it's a classic. Yes, the CIA said that United States law forbade the CIA from mailing out "obscene or crime-inciting matter." Now, I realize through, ahem, research for this post that the names of skin-flicks can sometimes take on the use of colorful language, but does the CIA's genteel sensibility really trump the public's rights under the Freedom of Information Act? Or is the concern centered more on some strange notion that the government embarrassing bin Laden by revealing his wank-files will inspire acts of violence? Either way, this silly request from BroBible doesn't deserve such a silly response from the CIA.
Covucci told VICE News in an email that he's determined to get his hands on bin Laden's porn. He plans to appeal the CIA's decision and file a separate request with ODNI.

"It's fucking Kafka-esque obfuscation bullshit they are hiding behind," he said.
Yeah, bro.

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Filed Under: cia, foia, osama bin laden, porn
Companies: brobible


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  • identicon
    Baron von Robber, 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:32am

    I think it would behoove the CIA to inform the world that bin Laden had a fetish for gay mexican midget porn.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Ragnarredbeard, 15 Jun 2015 @ 11:22am

      Re:

      My take on this is the CIA (and others) have "released" that they "found" porn in bin Laden's room because any little thing you add can additionally demonize a man who can't defend himself.

      In other words, I think they lied about finding porn and are using any excuse now to hide that.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        John Fenderson (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 11:27am

        Re: Re:

        This seems like the mostly likely explanation to me.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • icon
          Gumnos (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 12:10pm

          Re: porn

          Given that all other communications seemed to occur by secure couriered flash-drives, that browsing porn (or any other sort of images) via flash-drive would be pretty tedious.

          Osama: [browsing aforementioned gay Mexican midget porn] Amir, I request to see this image but with his leather jacket removed
          Amir: Yes, sir.
          [3 months transpire]
          Amir: Here, sir, is the next image in the series. He has removed the leather jacket.
          Osama: Mmm. That naughty fellow. Just how I like it. Now, Amir, fetch me the next image in the sequence. The one without the leather chaps…
          Amir: «sighs» Yes, sir.
          [3 more months transpire]
          Amir:Sir, your…
          Osama: [rips flash drive from Amir's hand and runs to private section of cave]

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

        • identicon
          Pragmatic, 16 Jun 2015 @ 7:40am

          Re: Re: Re:

          They are experts at making stuff up. Why not simply lie to him?

          Wait...

          FUD relies on vagueness.

          reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Seegras (profile), 16 Jun 2015 @ 7:19am

        Re: Re:

        Of course this "porn find" is a complete fabrication. Hell, most of the "Bin Laden Raid" is a total fabrication:

        http://www.lrb.co.uk/v37/n10/seymour-m-hersh/the-killing-of-osama-bin-laden

        Including the lie that the CIA was using vaccinations as a cover-up to get DNA samples. A lie that's now leading to a huge problem in Pakistan and Afghanistan because people believe vaccinations in general to be a CIA plot.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    That Anonymous Coward (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:36am

    They were just worried they would get a letter in the mail requesting a few thousand dollars for violating the copyright on the pron.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:37am

    Yes, the CIA said that United States law forbade the CIA from mailing out "obscene or crime-inciting matter."


    So are you claiming Bin Laden liked non-obscene porn, or that this isn't a law?

    It's, um, also very possible that the porn in question is of the underage type and thus illegal to possess. That would explain the crime-incitement.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    JohnG (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:38am

    Or maybe there is no porn collection and the CIA lied about it?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 4:59pm

      Re:

      "Or maybe there is no porn collection and the CIA lied about it?"

      What? You mean might have lied and are just trying to avoid getting caught (yet again)? I'm shocked!

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Can't Even Call Myself Anonymous Anymore, 16 Jun 2015 @ 11:26am

      Re:

      Or maybe there is no porn collection and the CIA lied about it?

      Doubt that, but the file is still operational!! That is funny.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:41am

    Obama?

    I first thought the headline said Obama and not Osama. Has anyone filed a FOIA request for Obama's porn stash?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    John Fenderson (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:45am

    Well, maybe...

    None of that really applies to a terrorist king's spank bank.


    We don't really know that. It isn't beyond the realm of possibility that Osama's porn was somehow an instrumental part of the effort to assassinate him. The CIA has done freakier things than that before.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      beltorak (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 11:52am

      Re: Well, maybe...

      "We have determined that he really likes autoerotic asphyxiation, and tentacle hentai. He has a collection of animatronic tentacles. If we replace one of his tentacles with a killer robot that doesn't let up when ..."

      "Stop. Seriously? I think you need to take a break."

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    TasMot (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:46am

    But the CIA had another excuse for not releasing the information, and it's a classic. Yes, the CIA said that United States law forbade the CIA from mailing out "obscene or crime-inciting matter."


    If they can get past the first issue of the "operational file" non-sense, then they can solve the problem of "mailing porn" by just asking for a pickup location and time so that it doesn't have to be mailed. That should generate some interesting new BS out of the CIA.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    radix (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:49am

    Two possibilities

    1) Although the FOI seemed to simply request the type or material, rather than a copy of the materials themselves, the response indicates they interpreted this as a request for the actual videos/magazines/computer files/whatever. There are a number of reasons they would refuse to do that, but it seems a bit of a stretch to interpret the request that way.

    2) They are telling the truth, and this is operationally sensitive.
    What if there really were no porn? Perhaps they concocted a scheme to further discredit OBL among his followers who truly believe this is a mission from a higher power. Nothing takes down a man of God (at least in America) like a good old fashioned sex scandal.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Starke (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 1:13pm

      Re: Two possibilities

      Another possibility is that CIA is concerned the porn itself is actually an image cipher. (I forget the technical term.) Which would lead to a legitimate fear that, while it doesn't mean anything to the CIA now, letting it loose into the wild could be a horrible idea.

      At that point, even copying it... might, result in that information getting out there.

      At the same time, I don't think they'd be willing to actually suggest that because it would be in that idiotic state of either confirming "we know they do this," or "we don't want to give them any ideas."

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        nasch (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 4:55pm

        Re: Re: Two possibilities

        Another possibility is that CIA is concerned the porn itself is actually an image cipher. (I forget the technical term.)

        Steganography. But if they just release the titles, which I think is what was asked for, that wouldn't present any problem.

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      Not an Electronic Rodent (profile), 16 Jun 2015 @ 6:06am

      Re: Two possibilities

      Or...

      3) It really is operationally sensitive because they'd been tracking his porn habits for months and that's how they found him since every copy of "Naughty Jihadists 5" and that month's edition of "Mature Martyrs" have secret CIA GPS chips embedded....

      4) The list of porn is all identifiable as coming from the private stash of the CIA used as part of honey trap operations and would show that OBL was really a prisoner before he was caught....

      5) Oh, I've run out of conspiracy theories... guess I'll just have to go with the prevailing "They lied" theory :-)

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    CIA, 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:55am

    Mr. David Covucci:

    Due to the privacy concerns of those appearing in the adult material in question, we are unable to release any documents in fulfillment of your request. Should you require confirmation of the validity of our decision, please ask your mother.

    Sincerely,
    John "Come at me" Brennan

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Guy Mullins, 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:55am

    Bin Ladens Porn

    His stash was filled with Mills & Boom Burkha Rippers. Read the true story in Osama's Angel the new book on the whole deception.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 9:56am

    The CIA can hardly say we have no such files, and never did, because it would prove that they were lying.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Oblate (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 10:01am

    It's for his own protection

    Possibly the collection consists of pictures of dominatrix midget goats combined with photoshops of Hillary's head on underage males, and every CIA operative who has tried to catalog the collection perished in the attempt.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 10:02am

    Sharing is caring, folks!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Steve Swafford (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 10:17am

    anyone else cringe when they read bro? lol. Yeah, it would be hard for me to care about anything they did at all for any reason.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Paul Renault (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 10:41am

    I say that the reason they can't meet the FOI request,

    .. is that the collection doesn't exist.

    There wasn't one. Nope. The reporting of it was propaganda.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 10:46am

    Copy failed, file in use

    Maybe, just maybe, they tried to copy the requested documents but the OS gave an error: "Copy failed, files in use".

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • icon
      tracyanne (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 5:55pm

      Re: Copy failed, file in use

      That would be Windows then.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • identicon
        Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 7:18pm

        Re: Re: Copy failed, file in use

        Well, I know that one branch of the military (Navy?) had a cluster of PlayStations that were trying to emulate a super-computer using Linux, but after Sony shut that down for everyone else I have not heard if they tried to continue that project. Other than that, I have not heard of the US Government using sophisticated software like Linux. You know, open source and all that? Just toooooo radical.

        Other than possibly a few individuals, could you imagine the US Government procurement office being Apple fanbois? (OK, I know that the Apple OS is just a fork of Linux, but when do they ever admit that?).

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Wulfman, 15 Jun 2015 @ 10:58am

    wtf?

    he did not ask for THE porn jut a list of the names of the porn. i don't see this any way related to distributing porn. all this can be found in your local porn shop. this is but another thing our government seems to get away with that it should not. hope his lawsuit works out.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Stan (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 11:31am

    CIA's Concerns Are Legit!

    For years, the CIA and NSA were trying to intercept Bin Laden's communications, inspecting almost all of the data going though the Internet. The only class of files that was not examined was porn - there is so much porn on the Internet that it was too staggering to sort through it all, even for the combined resources of the NSA/CIA.

    Now that they do have that porn, they must analyze it and find the hidden messages and learn how all this was done.

    The brave, dedicated men at the CIA have been doing this night after night, racking up massive overtime watching and reading this material repeatedly.

    Could ordinary men pull this off? No sir, but these are special men, hardened by years of experience. No jerks here!

    They should be commended.

    (Source: The Sunday Times [UK])

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 11:58am

      Re: CIA's Concerns Are Legit!

      I see. So pictures of certain body parts are nouns, and different sex acts are different verbs, and the utterings of participants are adjectives. Combined they make sentences that when interpreted are instructions?

      Would the code breakdown be interesting or when observed obscenity?

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

      • icon
        Stan (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 12:31pm

        Re: Re: CIA's Concerns Are Legit!

        "Would the code breakdown be interesting..."

        Yes..this explains the vast increase of bizarre sexual positions that was noted in Islamic porn years ago.
        (source: The Sunday Times [UK])

        reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Joe Hill Still lives, 15 Jun 2015 @ 12:10pm

    Don't do it!

    Never look at other peoples porn collection YOU WILL REGRET IT!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 12:35pm

    Whats wrong with Bro's? Do you really shit on a bunch of people just because they call themselves Bros? You sound horrible.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    avideogameplayer, 15 Jun 2015 @ 1:22pm

    We're talking about a guy whose prophet has a fondness for 9 year olds...

    That would be considered kiddie porn...

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 2:39pm

      Re:

      No, Kid Porn would be porn involving immature goats.

      To quote Tom Lehrer:

      "to be smut
      It must be ut-
      Terly without redeeming social importance."

      If they're going to claim obscenity OR criminality, they're going to have to specific the law directly (criminality).

      Or wave their hands hopefully and energetically, in defense of obscenity in the face of the context.

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 1:37pm

    Protecting the sources

    Perhaps they don't want to reveal that they actually found him with a really cool piece of software that allowed them to track the IP address of all his downloads of SaltMarsh productions.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 3:19pm

    Or it's 'operational' cos the C.I.A are pornographers

    Maybe the C.I.A are operating one of those porn sites that opens your webcam as a way of tracking their most wanted? I mean everyone does it, right guys? That would explain the massive rise in "burkha porn" wouldn't it?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Sheogorath (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 5:49pm

    We would like to know what kind of porn the world's second most wanted man jerked it to.
    FTFY, BroBible. After all, Ed Snowden is now the world's most wanted man (strike)despite(/strike) because of the fact that he acted to (strike)protect people(/strike) harm governments.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 15 Jun 2015 @ 6:11pm

    My guess is they are afraid they might start another "holy" war. What the hell is he going to do with 70 virgins anyway?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Gary Mont (profile), 15 Jun 2015 @ 10:01pm

    The Satanic Wank Files

    "It's fucking Kafka-esque obfuscation bullshit they are hiding behind," he said.

    Oh come on guys.

    We all know that the CIAFBINSA spy-guys cannot possibly place these confiscated pornographic materials into the hands of the general public.

    They already divvied them up and took them home.

    ---

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    skip barker, 17 Jun 2015 @ 5:55am

    He probably had lots of porn with obama in bath houses and a few others on the hill and maybe the supreme court. You can almost bet if he did, that Bill Clinton and his lesbo wife were in there also. Can't let this out the CIA (criminals in action) said people may start to distrust the gov. and leadership. So lets just say in the interest of national security no can do.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]


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