Traffic Cam Company 'Bagman' Pleads Guilty To Bribing Chicago Transportation Official

from the that's-'safety'-with-a-capital-$ dept

John Bills
Managing Commissioner
Chicago Transportation Department

30 N. LaSalle Street
Suite 1100
Chicago, IL 60602  
(312) 744-3600




Mr. John Bills,

As the Commissioner of Chicago's DOT, you are undoubtedly aware that unsafe driving kills or injures hundreds of people every year.* While not every death or injury can be prevented, there are proactive measures that can be taken to reduce this terrible toll.

*[Stats tk, but probably a lot.]

One of the best deterrents is a non-intrusive camera: one that acts as both a recording device and a police officer. (And a judge and jury, truth be told.) In fact, these cameras -- which can* monitor speed and red light violations -- perform 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, generating a possibly unlimited amount of revenue for your department, as well as for the city itself. They may also make your streets safer, both for commuters and pedestrians -- something that can be highlighted when pursuing funding.

*[The spirit is willing, but the tech is weak.]

Unlike more static revenue streams like vehicle registration feeds and road taxes, camera systems can be tweaked as needed to guard against budget shortfalls. Working in conjunction with Redflex specialists, you'll be able to avail yourself to a variety of revenue boosters like shortened yellow lights, sudden speed limit changes, unchallengeable tickets and any number of camera malfunctions or programming errors that will almost always* result in more generated revenue.

*[Caveats apply. See 135-page agreement for further details.]

Choosing the best traffic camera solution for your city is a daunting decision. We at Redflex believe we can offer what many of our competitors can't, or at least likely won't. In addition to our traffic camera "expertise," we also offer the following:
  • A condominium in Gilbert, Arizona
  • Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep discounts on hotel rooms, car rentals and meals
  • Debt consolidation plans for select transportation officials
  • Multiple personal finance options

We realize your have your choice in traffic control systems, but would like to remind you that only one company can offer you up to $570,000 in cash over the next eight years.


Sincerely,


Martin "Bagman" O'Malley
Senior Consultant


Redflex Traffic Systems
Phoenix, Arizona
866 703-8097

[h/t velox -- and, yes, if you hadn't figured it out yet, this is satire, but based on a true story]

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Filed Under: bribery, chicago, john bills, red light cameras, speed cameras, traffic cameras


Reader Comments

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  • identicon
    Michael, 16 Dec 2014 @ 12:55pm

    What good does a condominium in Gilbert, Arizona do me when I have to suffer through 4 red light camera tickets every time I drive there?

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      DCL, 16 Dec 2014 @ 1:06pm

      Re:

      You missed the additional benefits section which includes:

      - Don't forget about our "backstage amnesty program". You are automatically enrolled as long as your city has an active program with us. No need to worry about Red light cameras for any city we serve!

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Bt Garner (profile), 16 Dec 2014 @ 1:01pm

    And he would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

    • identicon
      Anonymous Coward, 16 Dec 2014 @ 4:42pm

      Re:

      Yea, thats why we need tougher anti-wiretapping laws to protect government officials and FOIA requests should cost minimum of $100k!

      reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 16 Dec 2014 @ 4:24pm

    "...you'll be able to avail yourself to a variety of revenue boosters like shortened yellow lights, sudden speed limit changes, unchallengeable tickets and any number of camera malfunctions or programming errors that will almost always* result in more generated revenue."

    Health and safety concerns, my ass.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    alanbleiweiss (profile), 16 Dec 2014 @ 10:35pm

    Used to freak out knowing I was approaching a red light camera intersection back when I lived in the SF bay area. Then, this year when I made plans to move to Arizona, started reading old blog posts about Redflex and their scammy ways. Total relief when I learned killing off the Redflex Plague there was already a done deal.

    Unfettered capitalism. Greed, control, arrogance. This is why some laws are just necessary in a society, even if we want more freedom than we get most of the time.

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • icon
    Ninja (profile), 17 Dec 2014 @ 1:26am

    Sadly they are installing more and more of these demonic devices here. Oh how I wish we see such scandal here!

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]

  • identicon
    Anonymous Coward, 17 Dec 2014 @ 8:20am

    Typical cRook County

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]


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