TSA Agent: Give Me That Toy Monkey Gun Or I'm Calling The Real Cops

from the monkey-see-monkey-do dept

I have something of a conflicting relationship with the Transportation Security Administration. On one side, I absolutely hate the idea of giving up freedom and pride for the sake of one of the most futile attempts at security theater known to man. On the other hand, it's quite useful to have such an amazing example at which to point when I get into a conversation with someone about how stupid my government can be. Then again, it's hard to justify that use when so many of my countrymen are subjected to poking and prodding by agents of the people that elect them. On the other hand, I mean, if I'm ever lonely on a cold, wintery night, the airport ain't that far away, know what I mean?

But, in an apparent effort to make my mind up for me, the TSA has recently decided to prove to the world that they've lost their collective minds. The latest example of this is when the TSA in St. Louis took possession of a gun a woman had in her bag. Which would be fine, except that the gun was 2 inches long and was owned by the sock-puppet the woman had crafted as part of her business.

The TSA agent searched the bag and found the 2-inch-long toy pistol, which gave her pause.

"She said, 'This is a gun,'" May said. "I said, 'No, it's not a gun it's a prop for my monkey.'"

But the agent remained concerned.

"She said 'If I held it up to your neck, you wouldn't know if it was real or not,' and I said 'really?'" May said.

Again, kudos to this TSA agent for making certain everyone around her knew she wasn't competent enough to be able to tell a real gun from a 2 inch toy because, hey, that's going to be useful information come performance review time. And sure, there might be some TSA rule somewhere that specifically says that nothing even resembling a firearm can be taken onto a plane in this way, but that doesn't make the passenger stupid, it makes the rule stupid. Put it this way: we now live in a country where you can't take a sock-puppet's toy gun on a plane. Congratulations everyone.

Fortunately for everyone on the flight, safety is the TSA's primary concern.

The agent confiscated the monkey doll's toy weapon and said she was required to call police.

"Rooster Monkburn has been disarmed, so I'm sure everyone on the plane was safe," May said. "I understand she was doing her job but at some point doesn't common sense prevail?"
Of course not, citizen. There's nothing in the TSA employee handbook about common sense. It's all genital-brushing and nudie-scanning, all the time. Even the TSA said so when they were asked to comment:
The TSA told NBC News in a statement: "TSA officers are dedicated to keeping the nation's transportation security systems safe and secure for the traveling public. Under longstanding aircraft security policy, and out of an abundance of caution, realistic replicas of firearms are prohibited in carry-on bags."
There's a joke here about something being two inches long still being the realistic version of an object typically several times larger, but I'm not going to make it (pssst! I'm talking about penises again!). Instead, let's just say that the TSA's dedication to not using any semblance of common sense is a wonderful prime reason for their dismantling.

Filed Under: guns, monkeys, sockpuppet, toys, tsa


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  1. icon
    btrussell (profile), 11 Dec 2013 @ 4:47am

    Re: Re:

    "The TSA shouldn't be the least bit concerned about cocaine possession. It's not a threat to public safety."
    If it was legal it wouldn't be, but I am sure there are many people who could tell you how dangerous it is to be illegal and have cops raid the wrong house looking for it.

    Sorry, but you didn't specify air safety. :)

    I hope your government doesn't kill all of our birds. I understand birds are a very serious threat to airplanes. Soon, only our Monarchs will be able to enter/cross your airspace, and then only if they go directly to Mexico. Do not land, do not pass 'co.

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