Funniest/Most Insightful Comments Of The Week At Techdirt

from the funky-monkey-and-funny-money dept

When the FBI stopped responding to its most prolific FOIA finder, claiming that he might start to actually learn something from all the tidbits he acquired, there was a delightful irony to the situation that we didn't note. Pointing it out netted Quinn Wilde a first place award for insight:

For today's tangible dose of irony, note that this is pretty much a straight up admission that large collections of innocuous looking data can add up to more positive information than anyone would want to give away.

Our second place comment comes from John Fenderson, responding to LG's in-vogue claim that its data collection is designed to "deliver more relevant advertisements":

Damn, I've grown to hate that bit of boilerplate. It makes it sound as if "more relevant advertisements" is a benefit to the user, when it's not.

The phrase sounded insulting to me when I first heard it, and it hasn't grown any better.

I'm not sure I agree that relevant ads aren't partially a user benefit, but we all know that's hardly the first thing on LG's mind, and the entertainment world's constant assertions that we should be thankful for what they cram down our throats (and/or what they refuse to let us access) is indeed infuriating.

For our first editor's choice, we've got a response to the government's claim that letting CIA prisoners relate their experience in court would reveal classified information. One anonymous commenter neatly reduced this argument to absurdity:

Assuming this is true and assuming the prisoners do not have a security clearance, those individuals responsible for giving the prisoners those memories - that is, the ones who tortured them - should be prosecuted for divulging classified information. To the enemy, no less.

Last up on the insightful side, we've got an anonymous commenter with a new label for companies like Paramount that attempt to scoop works like It's A Wonderful Life back out of the public domain:

Let's call them what they are. Public Domain Pirates.

Over on the funny side, we start out with the less-funny-more-disappointing news that the Beastie Boys are attempting to put a stop to a viral parody of one of their songs. Baron von Robber arrived to fight the fighting of the right to parody with a parody of Fight For Your Right:

You gotta fight...
...for your right....to paaarody!

Second place for funny goes to saulgoode, who was uncomforted by the assertion that "no sane politician" would sign the TPP:

We're not worried about sane politicians; we're worried about Congress.

(It was true 20 years ago and it's true today: mocking congress never fails.)

The first editor's choice on the funny side goes to Trails, who responded to a list of DIY airport weapons by reminding us that the TSA has already identified some unexpected threats of its own:

Let's not forget the dreaded colostomy bag, the seditious dying 95 year old with adult diaper, the nefarious post-mastectomy tissue extenders or the dreaded and insidious baby.

And finally we've got MrWilson, explaining why even if the copyright industries' claims about their economic contributions were accurate and valid (they aren't), we wouldn't necessarily care:

Doctor: "I'm sorry, the cancer is growing. The only way to stop it now would be to surgically remove it."

Patient: "Okay. When can we schedule that procedure?"

Doctor: "Oh, we can't remove it. The cancer has successfully argued that its exponential growth is proof that its further growth should be protected. You're also being sued for violating its copyright on your DNA..."

That's all for this week, folks!



Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Nov 24th, 2013 @ 12:24pm

    'large collections of innocuous looking data can add up to more positive information than anyone would want to give away'

    similar to Meta data, then!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  2.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Nov 24th, 2013 @ 5:08pm

    metadata is data

    Using the term metadata is just a way to hide the fact they are collecting data.

    Metadata about phone calls is data that defines who called who at what time and for how long. If call was to our from a cell phone it would also include location. The only data missing is the actual conversation that's OK the 'metadata' from the keyword voice recognition system will provide this data.

    Metadata from keyword voice recognition systems is data describing the time, date, phone numbers and keywords identified.

    Metadata about email is data defining who emailed who from what IP at what time and how large the email is. The only data missing is the content that's OK the Internet keyword 'metadata' will provide this.

    The Internet keyword metadata will contain data about the source, time and keywords hit for a specific communication.

    Metadata about license plate scanners is data defining what license plates were seen where at what time. The only data missing is the picture or video which might reveal the actual driver but that is OK the facial recognition system will provide this 'metadata' for us.

    Metadata from facial recognition systems is data of who was seen where at what time. The only data missing is the video.

    Metadata is simply 'data about data' but when you collect metadata from numerous sources it is rather easy to combine the data about the data to reveal the actual data.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  3.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Nov 24th, 2013 @ 6:24pm

    "Damn, I've grown to hate that bit of boilerplate. It makes it sound as if "more relevant advertisements" is a benefit to the user, when it's not."

    Nothing is relevant to me unless I'm at Wal-Mart shopping or surfing Amazon.

    No exceptions.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  4.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Nov 24th, 2013 @ 6:33pm

    Not sure why it crossed my mind, but I'm curious to know what are the most funny/insightful comments on TD throughout the years?

    The top ten or twenty? :o

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  5.  
    icon
    That One Guy (profile), Nov 24th, 2013 @ 6:42pm

    Re:

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  6.  
    icon
    Ben S (profile), Nov 24th, 2013 @ 9:13pm

    My favorite part about that cancer comment is how spot on it is. The cancer will eventually kill the patient if left unchecked.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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