Satan Finally Reveals Himself As A Legal Employer

from the thank-you-craigslist dept

Cross-posted from
I think that every lawyer feels that they have been employed by Satan at one time or another. It’s just like how criminals end up working for Keyser Soze without knowing it. Whether he’s running your firm from a corner office, or he’s a client you end up representing, most lawyers end up working for the devil at one time or another.

Usually, Satanic jobs and assignments try to appear normal. But that job market is really tight. Evidently, it’s such a buyer’s market that Satan doesn’t feel like he has to hide his true nature anymore. He’s now openly advertising to hire some new associates on Craigslist….

To some, it might appear surprising that the devil needs help securing water rights in flood-soaked Nashville. But as I see it, Nashville is pretty much a hellhole, and Satan is much more likely to need water than, say, fire. From Craiglist:

My principal place of business has experienced unusually aggressive expansion as of late and this has resulted in a number of significant legal problems. Consequently, my current legal staff is unable to complete all the electronic discovery necessary for an upcoming class action riparian rights lawsuit…

As you may know, my business has been around for centuries and I work very diligently to ensure that as FEW new attorneys as possible are able to get their feet in the doors in this city or any other city for that matter. However, given these unique circumstances, I am willing to make an exception or two.

Kind regards,


There's a screen shot of the full ad below.

Alas, the devil is in the details:

Compensation: Your soul and your student loans (also, jellybeans).

They say that the devil’s greatest trick was to convince the world he didn’t exist. But I think it’s more impressive that the devil is able to get so many people to do his bidding even when he tells them the truth. Let’s be honest, there are thousands of unemployed attorneys who would gladly sell their soul for a chance at a good job. There are people waiting in line to sell their souls. Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven? Unemployed lawyers will settle for serving in hell rather than waiting for heaven to grant them a job.

And since I have nothing else to add, let’s all watch Al Pacino physically blow Keanu Reeves off the screen in the scene that totally redeems this movie:

“Lose? I DON’T LOSE, I win. I WIN. I’M A LAWYER, THAT’S MY JOB, THAT’S WHAT I DO.” Trust me, every time I talk to a prospective law student, I hear a very confused Keanu doing a bad southern accent as I slowly explain to him what is obvious to everybody else. I’M A FAN OF MAN.

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Filed Under: jobs, lawyers, satan

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  1. icon
    Internet Zen Master (profile), 21 Feb 2013 @ 9:10pm

    And this is why...

    there is no such thing as a patron saint of lawyers for the Catholic Church. It truly is an unholy profession!!

    Okay, there's St. Thomas More, but he's more the patron saint of politicians and civil servants, which aren't entirely despicable jobs...

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