Charles Carreon Saga Takes A Turn For The Bizarre, With Apparently Fake Matthew Inman Lawsuit Filed Against Carreon
from the say-what-now? dept
Instead, what's more bizarre is a lawsuit filing claiming to be from Matthew Inman against Charles Carreon and his wife -- but which is almost certainly fake. We learned about this from Ken at Popehat, who notes that this supposed "Inman" filing is in "the bizarre and farcical style of Riches," though he's not sure if Riches is actually behind it. That said, he also notes that whoever filed this may soon be in a world of trouble:
However, whoever did it, I submit they've crossed a line they may regret. Filing a frivolous and farcical lawsuit as performance art in your own name is one thing. Filing it falsely under someone else's name is a false statement to the courts. It is very arguably a federal felony under 18 U.S.C. section 1001. I often write here about abuse of 18 U.S.C. section 1001 by the government, but I'm going to have to chew over whether or not this ought to be charged as a crime or not.The filing itself (embedded below) is truly bizarre. It claims that he (Inman) flew to Tucson to meet with Carreon, where Carreon demanded $1.1 million -- paid in weekly installments of $9,999.99 to a Swiss bank account. Seriously (well, no, not seriously, but that's what's in the filing):
Plaintiff received a telephone call on 6/28/2012 from defendant Charles Carreon, who asked me to fly down to meet him in Tucson Arizona to discuss settling a lawsuit that the defendant filed against me in Federal court in California, and he told me to meet him at the Denny's for breakfast on 6/29/2012 at 8am, so I went to Tucson, and the defendant was waiting in the Denny's booth for me, and The defendant demanded $1.1 million dollars in cash from me to be deposited in weekly installments of $9,999.99 to his offshore swiss bank account, to stay under the $ 10,000 dollars to avoid reporting it for tax purposes, and if i did that he will drop the lawsuit against me. Charles Carreon had his wife Tara lyn Carreon with him and she also told me that i must pay $ 50,000 dollars for her breast enlargements, her tummy tuck, and a years supply of anti aging cream. I told both defendants " no way" " this is complete blackmail" and I told Carreon that I'm reporting him to the Bar association for attorney ethic violations, and to the local police, and Charles Carreon went biserk and irate on me and took my bowl of oatmeal and threw it in m face, Tara lyn Carreon was originally using her feet under the table and secretly massaging my groin with her toes while mr. Carreon was trying to black mail me, so after oatmeal splattered my face, then Tara Carreon kicked me in the groin under the table, everything swelled. Mr. Carreon also poured hot mrs. butterworth maple syrup on my head to humiliate me, the defendants then got up , and Carreons left with a stern warning that they will see me in court, Mr. Carreon told me to enjoy my oat meal. I've suffered emotional distress since and the oatmeal caused stains to my men's wear house suit , and i seek damages including travel expenses to Tucson, Cleaning bills from Oatmeal stains, and medical treatment for hurt groin. I respectfully pray this honorable court will grant my motion for relief.So, uh, yeah. I do love the creative "sentence" structure used. In particular, the sentence beginning "I told both defendants..." which technically runs on until "everything swelled." When it first mentioned that Inman was eating "oatmeal" I thought it was marginally clever, but it seems to have gone back to the Oatmeal joke three too many times. Either way, this is pretty obviously a bogus filing, but it really was filed in court, and whoever did so may end up regretting it. But, in the meantime, it's a bizarre coda to put at the end of an already bizarre story.