Funniest/Most Insightful Comments Of The Week At Techdirt

from the oh-the-people-you'll-sue dept

Another week, another batch of comments. This week on the insightful side, the top three votegetters were so close that I'm just going to post all three. Eking out the narrow victory to the top spot was an Anonymous Coward who compared the situation of Bernie Madoff to Kim Dotcom (who had all of his things seized illegally by the government):
If you run a giant ponzi scheme like Bernie Madoff, you're granted bail and none of your assists are initially seized. Billions of real dollars lost by regular people, no problem. Billions of imaginary dollars lost by Hollywood, SEIZE EVERYTHING!
Coming in second was another Anonymous Coward, doing a FTFY version of Maynard James Keenan's whining about his fans sense of "entitlement." AC thought the sentence would read more accurately as follows:
I think 'entitlement' is probably the better word. I think, just in general, our society has gotten to the point where just sing a song, and you expect to be paid over and over for it, without having to do anything new.
And, just narrowly behind that comment wasn't just any other Anonymous Coward, but That Anonymous Coward with his imagined dialog concerning Hollywood's five six strike plan:
But but but
The entire plan is funded 50-50 by the **AA's and the ISPs.
Who are just going to recoup the cost by charging more.

Its just education about the law!
Except the **AA's have sued dead people and people without computers using this same tech.

*backpeddle* We won't cut them off entirely, people with VOIP will still have 911 access.
Except we want their speeds cut down to just above dial-up and Voip will not function very well with those kinds of limits.

Consumers can just change providers.
Except in the 71% of the country where the only choice is one of the companies signed up for this.

But but but we are losing jobs!
Except you claim job loss numbers higher than government recorded employment in your industry ever.

But but but we are losing money!
Much of this "lost" money is because you refuse to actually offer the product to the consumer when the consumer wants to purchase it.

But but but piracy!
This is not the 1700's, you are not on a galleon. There are no "pirates". (This mindset could be what is holding them back.)

But but but piracy!
Commercial copyright infringement is mostly dead. It is not worth their time and money to compete with the better offerings created by the consumers.

But but but the White House Agrees!
Because Biden is in your back pocket does not make it legal, right, or fair.

I expect people to push, shove, and make lots of noise until several acronyms have to give us half-hearted excuses as to why they will not investigate or why this is okay with them.
Then I expect wise government officials on the local level to terminate monopoly agreements, rights of way, easements.
I expect to see lawsuits asking why Government money is being handed to groups who answer to lobbyists not consumers.
I expect lawsuits to get back Government funds collected from all of us to expand coverage so everyone can be online, that was used to line pockets and stop competition.

I expect to see Sherman and Dodd having to explain how they have any rights to demand anything from service providers. I expect to laugh at those answers.

Maybe it is time to sue them ISPs and force them to be "common carriers", that thing they are so terrified of... having to let others use the pipes. Offering services not subject to 1 sided the customer is always a thief rules.

If you were pissed off about the SOPA protests, wait till you get a load of this.
For the one editor's choice comment, then, I'm going to go with Richard's comment responding to my discussion about how there's a big cost in companies constantly having to "design around" patents. Richard pointed out that I missed one:
They destroy the possibility of interface standardisation.

Imagine if the arrangement of pedals on a car had been patented - so every maker had to lay them out differently.

Learning to drive would be a nightmare - just like learning to use a new smartphone can be...
Excellent point.

Moving on to the funny side of the ledger, by far the top scoring comment was Hulser's response to the makers of the Free Universal Construction Kit asking anyone who might sue them to "please think of the children." Hulser noticed something that plenty of you noticed (and which I have to confess to having missed entirely):
Maybe they should have thought of the children before giving their product a name with an acronym of FUCK.
Coming in second was crade's response to The Pirate Bay's plans to try to host versions of the site in drones flying over international waters. Something occured to him:
I guess, in a roundabout way, the copyright system *is* promoting the progress :)
For editor's choice, we actually get a two-fer from Gwiz who did both comments that I'm picking this week. The first was in response to some comments claiming that a record store they worked for in the 90s went out of business due to "piracy." Gwiz knew it was true because of where he read about it:
Yeah, I read about that in the National Enquirer...

They stormed the shop with cannons and cutlasses, raped all the women and pillaged all the records and cassettes before they scuttled the the shop to the bottom of the briny mall. It was pretty scary.
And, finally, I have to admit that I'm disappointed in all of you for not voting this other Gwiz comment to the top of the list. Despite being my personal favorite funniest comment of the week, it only came in 7th place on the list. However, here for your enjoyment is Gwiz's response to the estate of Dr. Seuss killing off a book about unemployment done in the style of Dr. Seuss. He entitled it Oh, The People You Will Sue:
Oh, The People You Will Sue

From here you'll go far.
After trials and tribulations
You've finally passed the Bar.

You spent years in Law School
Listening to every Law Scholar
You are not anyone's fool
You are now an IP Lawyer

Everything is new, it's a brand new day
Then reality hits and you start to moan
You have to figure out a way
To repay all those student loans

You fire up your 'puter and look around
You see gatekeepers who need savin'
Against the evil pirates who abound
And think to yourself. I'll be the next Righthaven!

Oh, The People You Will Sue

As the plan forms in your mind
You'll sue mothers and printers
You'll sue anyone you can find
You'll leave the net in splinters

You'll sue anyone who utters "Fair Use!"
and companies who use Safe Harbors
'cause in your mind that's all just abuse
And that's just for starters

Oh, The People You Will Sue

With patents and trademark abuses
You'll sue anyone who innovates
Or dares to produce something with uses
And every single company who creates

You'll file class action suits
For artists against labels, it's true
You'll work hard on these pursuits
Because no one gets the money, well, except you.

You've become an IP Lawyer
You knew what you were doing
There's infringers out there
So...get suing!
We'd make a book out of that, but I fear the estate would send a cease & desist...

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  1. icon
    That Anonymous Coward (profile), 26 Mar 2012 @ 12:33am

    You might have upgraded the Diebold software and stymied me yet again Mike, but mark my words I will get another hat trick.

    Once again I'm glad some of what rattles around in my head actually resonates with others. If only those I post about could begin to understand half of what I post, what an amazing landscape we'd have.

    *adjusts his sails and stuffed parrot*
    (turns and stares at the camera)
    What? A shill called me a pirate, it must be true.
    The sad thing is how many people who decry piracy are unaware of how many times a day they "violate" the real and imagined laws of copyright and also are seen with ships and parrots.

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