Do Not Discuss The Movie You Just Saw

from the don't-want-to-infringe dept

Lots of folks have been sending over Jacob Sager Weinstein's rather amusing -- but all too close to true -- satirical pre-movie warnings. Here's just a snippet, but you should read the whole thing:
Any remaining memories are yours to keep and enjoy, provided you do not discuss them with others or make them available via mankind’s collective unconscious. In addition, your experience of this film may not be remixed in any form; dreams involving any of its characters must adhere strictly to the film’s actual plotline and running time, and must also comply with copyright laws in your state or territory. Any sexual fantasies based on it may not exceed the film’s M.P.A.A. rating.
I won't spoil it for you, but make sure not to miss the explanation of the checkboxes at the end that need to be checked (or not) to agree (or not) to certain terms.

While it's satire, as with any good satire, what makes it funny is how close to reality it is -- and just how much the folks at the MPAA would love to have the ability to do something like this.


Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  •  
    icon
    Gothenem (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 3:46pm

    Comment

    I would like to comment on this article, but I did not read it, because I did happen to use the provided earplugs and blindfold.

    In addition, since I do not actually know what the article was about, I can't comment because my comments may actually exceed the MPAA Rating on the article.

    Hopefully I didn't record any of the article on my human brain, and I will be purging my computer of all data just to make sure it didn't accidently create redundant backups of the article.

    [X] I checked this box to verify that all recorded medium has been scrubbed and destroyed. I have also spoken to the web developers with Lousiville Sluggers, but I don't seem to remember why I needed to speak to them.

     

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      Richard (profile), Feb 3rd, 2012 @ 2:59am

      Re: Comment

      I would like to comment on this article, but I did not read it, because I did happen to use the provided earplugs and blindfold.

      Standard practice for MAFIAA trolls.

       

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    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:01pm

    Lacuna Inc., anyone?

     

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    identicon
    rubberpants, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:09pm

    This comment is Copyright 2012 Rubberpants You may not copy, summarize, or refer to this comment in any way. The word "comment" is also Copyright 2012 Rubberpants. You may not store this word in your neural network or muscle memory. Stop reading now to avoid liability. I said, stop reading! You have now violated my innate intellectual property rights and are guilty. Please escort yourself to thought prison. If you do not wish to escort yourself, several representatives will arrive to assist you shortly. Please stay where you are.

     

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    sehlat (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:16pm

    Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete

    There is new research being done on erasing recent memories in trauma cases. If it works, the MPAA may insist on moviegoers undergoing the treatment after each showing. I mean, it will mean more revenue, won't it, as people buy tickets to see the movie they don't remember seeing?

    Of course, there may be unexpected side effects of the treatment...

     

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      Just John (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 6:27pm

      Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete

      But you forgot?

       

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      identicon
      Anonymous Coward, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 6:39pm

      Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete

      Actualy they'll get even more revenue. You will have to pay a mandatory fee for this memory erasing procedure.

       

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        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 7:55pm

        Re: Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete

        Thanks to the quality of your average Hollywood movie this would be a great buissness

        Too bad the MPAA cannot change its business model

         

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      identicon
      Anonymous Coward, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 8:03pm

      Re: Actually, the "baseball bat wielding ushers" are obsolete

      The MPAA must find a way to recreate Alzheimer effects on people somehow it would be a boom for their business.

      I can see they claiming, where would be artists if we cannot cause Alzheimer in people, how would we finance $200 million dollar movies, who will pay the workers the economy will sunk.

      OMG is the end of the world without Alzheimer inducing movie experience how can we survive.

       

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    identicon
    Rabbit80, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:19pm

    My choice...

    I chose the second option because the third option is technically impossible because the first option has no above. Therefore the first option stands as valid and not applicable to option three. I didn't understand the fourth option as I am thick and only speak one language!

     

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    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:20pm

    FUD.

     

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      Lauriel (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:32pm

      Re:

      Funny Until Disproven?

       

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      TtfnJohn (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:32pm

      Re: FUD

      There as no fear, uncertainty or doubt about what the article laid out as the permissions for discussing a motion picture protected by those terms and conditions (see below) with exactitude and precision.

      One cannot be in doubt of the outcome should one in any way infringe on the copyright and it's attending terms and conditions in any way at all with the possible case of the final check box which appears to be an amalgam of French or Spanish or some dead language. However you are not excused in case you do not understand as ignorance of the law, whoops, terms and conditions is no excuse.

      We do however wish to add that the nature of the warning about sexual fantasies omitted that any X or XXX rated fantasies become the property of these film makers complete with cast members listed so that we may produce that movies for our own enjoyment and profit.

      Consider yourself warned.

      We will not tolerate any infringement of our copyright or our terms and conditions and failure to do so will be harmful or perhaps fatal to certain areas of you gray matter.

       

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      identicon
      Colin, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:33pm

      Re:

      Aw, get a sense of humor, will you?

       

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      Hephaestus (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 5:26pm

      Re:

      The late 1990's called and want their acronym back.

       

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      identicon
      Anonymous Coward, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 9:18pm

      Re:

      How does this warning count as FUD? Trust me, you haven't seen some of my friends; they get into a rather murderous mood when other people begin discussing movies they haven't seen yet.

       

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      Suja (profile), Feb 3rd, 2012 @ 5:16am

      Re:

      yes, you spread it, what about it?

       

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    identicon
    Digitari, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:27pm

    Re: Re: Re:

    talk about a prophetic rant

    but, if ya think about it, aint it already like this?

    (anyone else notice you have to "submit" to post here?)

     

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    vukovar (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 4:35pm

    I'm still trying to figure out what box to check....

     

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    Nick Burns (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 5:35pm

    MPAA == The New Thought Police

     

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    Just John (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 6:26pm

    Perfect MPAA logic here, just like their accounting.

    [ ] I agree that, for the purposes of box-checking, “above” shall be defined as “below” and “below” shall be defined as “above,” unless the box below is checked.

     

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      The Devil's Coachman (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 6:58pm

      Re: Perfect MPAA logic here, just like their accounting.

      These issues are most properly adjudicated by the Department of Redundancy Department, whereby all past recollections, present perceptions, and future intentions must be submitted for approval before execution. Your execution. Thank you for helping to ensure the future, by forgetting the past, and denying the present. Your efforts are appreciated. Or were. Or will be. Depending.

       

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    Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 6:55pm

    ***SPOILER ALERT***

    ***END SPOILER***

     

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    identicon
    John Thacker, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 7:13pm

    No baseball fans here?

    MLB has been going with something similar for years, "Any rebroadcast, retransmission, or account of this game, without the express written consent of Major League Baseball, is prohibited" and various other slight variations implying that you can't tell your friend about the game without written permission.

     

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      Al Bert (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 8:09pm

      not a baseball fan

      Dang, you beat me to it.
      ...and yes, something similar to the OP comment is always what goes through my head when i hear that nonsense. Next, they'll forbid thinking about the game with disappointment.

       

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        John Thacker, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 8:22pm

        Re: not a baseball fan

        Actually, searching through the archives, I see that TechDirt had an article on this 8+ years ago. Major League Baseball actually has tried to crack down on sites for just offering the stats, play-by-play, or box scores, such as to websites or phone apps. It's crazy, and probably only hurts the sport's popularity (like their obsession with removing YouTube videos of highlights-- way to keep people from talking about a great game or awesome play, guys!)

         

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          Al Bert (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 9:29pm

          Re: Re: not a baseball fan

          It only appears crazy if you mistakenly think that the entertainment industry is concerned with providing anything to any customers. The only concern is profit. To let people use the IP in any uncontrolled form is to suddenly establish a potential market where they have no guaranteed profit terms. They'd rather extract money out of service providers contractually.

           

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    identicon
    dev, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 7:28pm

    if you tell others the ending of this movie, or describe to them the plot, you will be breaking federal copyright law.
    F. B. I.

     

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    trollificus (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 8:06pm

    It's not FUD at all, it's reductio ad absurdam, which, while itself a logical fallacy, often has value in forcing a re-examination of the starting assumptions.

    Now, use of a logical fallacy does not guarantee a false result. In fact, in this case, the starting assumptions are proven to be pretty accurate, foremost among them "IP owners (not artists) have no guiding principle save greater revenue generation from the 'property'." and "This has nothing to do with art, the common good, or established legal and moral principles." Then you examine the steps they've taken already, extrapolate, go a little farther and see what you get.

    And look! The reductio turns out not to be so absurdam after all.

    ps) "Ceci n’est pas un box" is a sweet and appropriate reference to Magritte's Surrealist painting "Ceci n’est pas un pipe"

     

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    trollificus (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 8:08pm

    @The Devil's Coachman:
    In a budget-reduction move that will cost only $2B, the Department of Redundancy Department has been folded into the Office of Bureaus and Departments (though retaining its name, budget and physical resources, to be housed in the new $5B "Senator Redacted Memorial Office Building Complex Center")

     

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  •  
    icon
    gfgross (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 9:22pm

    Disclaimer

    I would like to post a comment, buy first all readers must agree to my disclaimer:

    This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CARB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. 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      identicon
      The Real Fake AC, Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 9:37pm

      Re: Disclaimer

      What? No mention of "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball"?

      Slacker.

       

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    •  
      icon
      Richard (profile), Feb 3rd, 2012 @ 3:07am

      Re: Disclaimer

      I would like to post a comment, buy first all readers must agree to my disclaimer:

      This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required....

      ... Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply.

      This supersedes all previous notices.


      Sequence shortened.

       

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  •  
    icon
    HumbleForeigner (profile), Feb 2nd, 2012 @ 11:00pm

    OK

    Can someone, for the love of the Gods, let me know when "Right To Read"
    http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/right-to-read.html
    Became less a warning that and instruction manual!

    The original post was amusing, but think about it, how many in the *AA would *love* to be able to do this.

    America rose up once in revolution, Taxation without representation ring a bell, that they fail to do so now with so many freedoms being encroached...it shows that the American people have become weak. As long as they have their bread and circuses they are happy.

    *sigh* I wonder is mankind is worth saving, or should we become an object lesson to future races of "This is how to screw everything up"

    "What is more important? My right to my culture? Or your claim to profit?
    - Me

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in chronology ]


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