We Have The 'Criminal Charges' Patrick Zarrelli Claims He Filed Against Our Writer, And They're Not What He Thinks

from the that's-not-a-criminal-case dept

Earlier this week, we noted that “website reputation management” dude, Patrick Zarrelli had sent us a large packet of papers claiming that he had “filed criminal charges and bar complaints in seven states” against a group of people, including our own Tim Cushing, because Tim had written a blog post making fun of Zarrelli for a spectacular failure in trying to get certain articles about the lawyer Gary Ostrow removed from the internet. You can read all the details at previous posts, but Zarrelli claimed that he was filing “criminal charges and bar complaints” against Cushing and a small group of lawyers — Scott Greenfield, Mark Bennett, Brian Tannebaum and Sam Glover — who had all made fun of Zarrelli’s ridiculous claims.

As we noted in our original post, the cover letter made these (typo-riddled) claims, but the large packets of paper, showed no details, no explanation of any laws broken, no legal filings, no lawsuit, no “criminal charges” and no “bar complaints.” All that it included were stacks and stacks of paper printouts of screenshots of blog posts, blog comments, tweets, Facebook comments and a few profile pages. I hadn’t had them scanned originally, but after a bunch of people asked for them, I had a poor, overworked colleague of mine here at Techdirt scan them all in. And, then, the good folks over at PINAC were kind enough to reach out to the Ft. Lauderdale police and get a copy of the “Incident/Investigation Report” that it had on the matter.

In my original post earlier this week, I noted that “it sounds like he may have just whined to some law enforcement folks in Florida who probably filed it in the garbage file where it belongs” and indeed that appears to be the case. These are not “criminal charges.” These are Patrick Zarrelli wandered into the Fort Lauderdale Police Department and told someone in the lobby basically “but people on the internet are being mean to me!” and they wrote it all down (not even spelling Zarrelli’s name correctly) and almost certainly then did absolutely nothing with it. The filing also spells Tim Cushing’s name as Tim Lushing. Here’s the crux of it:

Contact was made with the reportee Patrick Zayrelli in the FLPD lobby. Mr. Zayrelli advised that he works for Dependable Website Management which is a cyber bullying and reputation management company. He says that his client Attorney Gary Ostrow hired him because a group of attorney`s were attacking his character and tarnishing him reputation on line due to an incident that occurred with him years ago.

Mr. Zayrelli stated that his company contacts the parties and ask them to take their posts down, which is what he said he did when he called all the listed attorneys but each one of them became defensive and started cursing at him. He was especially concerned because according to him, one of the attorneys Brian Tannebaum who practices in Miami told him that he would have BSO deputies arrest him.

Mr. Zayrelli said that the next day after he called the attorney`s all of his social media accounts (facebook,twitter) were all filled with negative posts about him by all of the attorneys and some had even posted pornographic material on his facebook

The report itself lists Zarrelli’s client, Gary Ostrow, along with all of the previously named folks, and one more: a lawyer named Dan Hull, whom we hadn’t previously seen connected to all of this, but there he is. Notably, the report says there are “0 Victims” and doesn’t list anyone’s name as a victim (probably because there was no crime). Hell, it lists Ostrow in the same part as with all of the people Zarrelli was complaining about.

There’s not much of a story here other than confirming what we originally suspected: there are no “criminal charges.” Whether or not there are “bar complaints” I imagine we’ll have to wait to find out. And, again, if Zarrelli is seriously contemplating filing a civil suit in Florida, as he had claimed, he really ought to familiarize himself with Florida’s anti-SLAPP statute, because I can assure you that every one of the people he is threatening are deeply familiar with it, and will certainly make use of it to get Zarrelli to pay any of their legal fees for filing a bogus lawsuit.

Anyway, the complaint and all of the contents of the envelope that was sent to us are embedded below. Zarrelli appears to have made a horrible “reputation management” person, and an even worse internet lawyer.

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Comments on “We Have The 'Criminal Charges' Patrick Zarrelli Claims He Filed Against Our Writer, And They're Not What He Thinks”

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Anonymous Coward says:

Re: Re: Re: How's that again?

There is a big difference. Zarrelli is the one in a position where he has to convince others that his services are worth being paid for since he is the one providing a service. So spending the time to correct mistakes is naturally expected if he reasonably expects to be taken seriously on his end and if he wants people to believe this is really that important to him.

The police here aren’t really dealing with anything important on their end and so I don’t want them wasting my taxpayer dollars getting someone to spend a lot of time carefully writing up and proofreading such a pointless report. Just scribble anything as fast as possible to get this guy out of here.

If anything all the mistakes on the police’s end here indicate to me how unimportant this is to them. As it should be. And if this isn’t important enough for Zarrelli to proofread his own work why should the cops consider it important enough for them to proofread theirs.

Anonymous Anonymous Coward says:

News Flash

The futures price for corn nearly doubled this morning after current demand skyrocketed. Investigators looking into the fluctuation claim there appears to be linkage to a website called Techdirt. Those familiar with the investigation were scratching their collective heads trying to parse the relationship between persons know as Careon, Streisand, Greenfield, Glover, Tannenbaum, Bennett, Zarrelli, Cushing, Ostrow, and Hull because seemingly these people have never met one another. The lead investigator who prefered to remain un-named said more information might become available after reports were received from the Fort Lauderdale Police Department, though what connection they might have to corn prices remains unclear. When asked when the demand spike might return to more normal levels, commodity brokers said “Well, we think that will happen when reality returns for a certain deluded individual, though given the current circumstances that might take a while.”

Roger Strong (profile) says:

A Confession

When I launched my browser-based “Reputation Management” game, I forgot to replace Techdirt, SimpleJustice etc., with fictional organizations. Now it’s emailed legal threats to a bunch of real web sites on behalf of some 12-year-old who can barely spell, with no knowledge of how the legal system or adult world works.

I’ve removed all traces of my game from the server, and all traces of it instigating this incident. I should have stuck with a Candy Crush Saga clone.

Or I can just rename this one Ego Crush Saga.

Derek Kerton (profile) says:

Childish As The Butt of A Monty Python Skit

This reminds me of a Python skit, the Fish License

Where the pythons make fun of the childish way a man uses official paperwork and the Municipal bureaucracy for purposes clearly misunderstood and misaligned.

Basically it goes:
– I want a license for my pet fish.
– You can’t have one, there are no licenses for fish.
– Well, I bleeding well have one for my pet cat, Eric.
– There are no cat licenses.
– I bleeding got one, look! What’s that then?
– This is a dog license with the word ‘dog’ crossed out and ‘cat’ written in in crayon!
– The man didn’t have the right form.
– How much did you pay for this?
– Sixty quid, and eight for the fruit-bat.

Anonymous Coward says:

Zarrelli is doing a great job!

I bet Gary Ostrow is quite happy with the reputation management that Zarrelli is providing.

Everyone is so busy talking about how Zarrelli is a few cards short of a full deck they have forgotten whatever stupid thing Gary Ostrow had some in the past.

Apparently Zarrelli is not that dumb after all, he found the key to improving your reputation online. Bury the bad crap under a mountain of someone else bad crap.

Anon says:

As we noted in our original post, the cover letter made these (typo-riddled) claims, but the large packets of paper, showed no details, no explanation of any laws broken, no legal filings, no lawsuit, no “criminal charges” and no “bar complaints.” All that it included were stacks and stacks of paper printouts of screenshots of blog posts, blog comments, tweets, Facebook comments and a few profile pages.

This is shamefully copying John Steele’s empty lawsuit filing against everyone criticizing his shady bullying behavior. Is Zarrelli hoping to achieve the same notoriety as John Steele by following exactly in his footsteps?

Does Zarrelli care that he is dragging down his client before all the media, even though Gary Ostrow does deserve it?

Mike says:

Anyone who has had any dealings with Patrick Zarrelli could have told you that he’s a coke snorting crook, who has ripped off anyone who has ever worked for him. But his biggest ripoffs were the ones he saved for his clients. He was charging local Fort Lauderdale businesses that were trying to get exposure for their brands, thousands of dollars for an ad in the South Florida Chronicle, claiming he was distributing 50 thousand copies locally. But he spent their money on cocaine and only printed a few hundred. Good to see his karma kicking him in the ass.

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