The Pirate Party Not Pirate-y Enough For You? Maybe You Need Kopimism, The Official Pirate Religion

from the ctrl-c-and-ctrl-v-are-on-the-verge-of-sainthood dept

Kopimism, founded by 19-year-old philosophy student, Isaac Gerson, is a new (still unaccredited) religion that believes "copying and the sharing of information is the most beautiful thing in the world." Having your information copied is a sign of respect and indicates that people believe you have done something well.

As a loyal member of the Freetardianism religion (kind of like Rastafarianism, only with more Kool-Aid and less smoke), I was visited by our mutal patron saint, Savelinkas, during a brief evening vision/blackout. The following words were seared into my brain like some sort of overly-long cattle brand and once I arrived home, I swiftly wrote down the saint’s words, each one more astounding than the last. 

The Kopimism Path of Enchanted Light and Enlightened Chants, Chapter 1:

  1. Now it came to pass in that day that the people spake to Isaac and said, &qout;Isaac, who will hear our lamentations and heed our cries? For lo, we are beset on all sides by oppressors. Is there none that will lessen our load, and indeed, our download times?"
  2. The people cried as one, "We have been laid bare by their divinations. They have acted against us in malice. We have had our domains seized, our servers confiscated, our mellows harshed."
  3. "We have seen brethren removed from their homes, connections cut, packets sniffed and motives vilified. Verily, we have been assailed by men who know not that of which they speak. They mix lies with the truth and mangle metaphors. They seek only vengeance and obscene amounts of damages."
  4. And Isaac heard their lamentations and gathered unto him an alliance. He spake to them in urgent tones full of vigor and perhaps some illicit substances.
  5. He said, "Is it just me or are my hands reaaaallly big right now? Also sharing, which has been derided as foul piracy, is unjustly punished within our borders, and indeed, amongst our brethren scattered throughout the many lands."
  6. "We have been made villains and spectres among the living and have borne undue scrutiny for our acts. I will take our complaints to the mountain and speak with our Savior, Falkvinge, in hopes that he will act on behalf of his many acolytes who seek justice."
  7. Adding, "Isn’t sharing files like the most beautiful thing ever?"
  8. And Isaac travelled to the mountain to seek justice for his people, travelling through harsh climes and multiple allegories.
  9. Isaac spoke to Falkvinge of his people’s travails. He laid bare his plan for a new religion, borne of his people’s desire to freely share, seeking Falkvinge’s blessing.
  10. He said, "We seek understanding and respect for our actions and an ending to this oppression. We have looked to the government for help and have been cast out and deemed unclean. Canst thou not use thy ‘pull’ to grant our beliefs credibility?"
  11. A thunderous sigh, borne of disappointment rather than anger, filled the air. Falkvinge spoke, shaking the mountain:
  12. "Have I not given thee rules to abide by? Have I not made myself clear repeatedly? What commandments have I passed down to thee, in regards to these things?"
  13. "Let’s review. When drinking or otherwise impaired, thou shalt not discuss:
    • religion
    • politics
    • which actor was the consummate James Bond/Dr. Who."
  14. "Neither shall thou maketh any bold proclamations or promises to others whilst influenced, in order that thou dost not raise false hopes within the people. And what have you done?"
  15. And Isaac was afraid and he covered his face as his shame was laid bare and he did not answer for he had nothing.
  16. "You have combined all of these ‘shalt nots’ into a half-assed scheme that shall surely maketh a mockery of us all! You have even forced me to use exclamation points, which are not normally found in religious texts! Roger Moore? Seriously?"
  17. And Isaac protested, "But surely, Lord, you realize that the government is thick with corruption and greed, unlike major world religions. And surely you can recognize that without change from within, our people are surely fuckt?"
  18. And Falkvinge hedged a bit and said he would "see what he could do" but "wouldst make no promises" and retired to his black-lit lair for a bit of a nap.
  19. Isaac returned to his people with great haste and good cheer, delivering a hearty "definite maybe." A feast of epic proportions was planned but no one couldst agree on a date and it kind of fell apart after that.

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Comments on “The Pirate Party Not Pirate-y Enough For You? Maybe You Need Kopimism, The Official Pirate Religion”

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Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile) says:

Re: Re:

I just wanted to drop in a say thanks for all the compliments. This is the kind of thing that happens to your brain when you’re raised in a strict fundamentalist household. Obviously, this is not the desired outcome.

I also see that somehow this has devolved into some sort of drug war further down in the thread. It’s things like this that make me simultaneously marvel at/curse the internet. Everything is related to everything eventually.

My feelings on that issue are: drugs should be available for use both within and without religious ceremonies. In fact, if you’re doing it right, the very process of taking drugs can be a very religious experience.

As for the Kopimism church? I would imagine anyone who wants to join or be ordained needs to do little more than torrent something from somewhere. As we all know, torrents are always evil. Unless you’re a Kopimist, in which case they’re always good. And that’s the way we like our moral issues: black or white.

Thanks especially to Lord Falkvinge himself who took time out his busy day running/ruining politics (please choose one according to your viewpoint) to express his appreciation for this piece. You see, God? Some people don’t mind having their name taken in vain. Lighten up.

Thanks also to DH for his kind compliment. Coming from someone with 5,000 comments (most of which have been “LOLed” or “Lightbulbed”), that means a lot. I might be able to hold my own on my home turf (all things biblically inspired) but I’m at a complete loss when it comes to tossing around funny rhyming things. (I’m hearing “poem” from some of the people up front…)

As for me, I’ve been made an honorary member thanks to my active Mediafire account. It gets me a discount on pay toilets and a year’s subscription to Grit Magazine for the iPad. Unfortunately, I’m still short one (1) iPad but it’s the thought that counts.

[Music rises insistently]

I see I’m out of time. Thanks again! Have fun gettin’ your newly-sanctified download on!

ltlw0lf (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re: I'm in

The only reason I haven’t created it yet is because I’d probably get sued for Copyright infringement.

Knowing Kevin Smith (I don’t know him personally, but I’ve listened to a great many interviews with him,) and the folks behind Dogma…I think they would be happy with your effort. Kevin doesn’t seem to be the type of guy who gets overly upset with people taking his ideas and running with them, and he seems to be a fan himself of a number of different genres that he has borrowed from (just look at his shameless parody of Star Wars in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.) If anything, I would think he would acknowledge the fact that your church would result in more sales of his movies (just look at Scientology, which singlehandedly bought the production of Battlefield Earth, and then kept it alive in the box office and DVD sales. Just have your congregation buy multiple copies of the Dogma DVD and Kevin will be happy.

G Thompson (profile) says:

Re: I'm in

I (and a bunch of my weird mates) founded a Religion in High School…

ACCCA: Amalgamated Churches of Capitalistic Communistic Atheists!

Also being a member of The Church of Reality, Worshipping his noodlyness FSM every 2nd full moon (and with meatballs), and being an Ordained Minister of the Church of the Latter day Dude. I can honestly state that these messages brought a tear to my eye and a tug to my heart and i promise to uphold them forever.

Or as long as the Kool-Aid lasts anyway!

John Doe says:

Re: Re: He must be on drugs

I am open to the possibility that it’s a parody (maybe copied directly from some burned out 1960s druggie scheme) or publicity stunt – but TechDirt, did not report it as such.

If he is serious, I would give him even less of a chance than the druggies had, since infringement/theft is not as victimless as just wasting your own life with drugs.

Chronno S. Trigger (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re: He must be on drugs

As much of an asshat (biblical terminology there) as this guy is, and as wrong as he is with this religion’s ideas, he is right in part. Religious freedoms do not override legal obligations.

However, this religion is not some druggie scheme. If John didn’t have the stick up his ass he may have seen this. This is a religion of reality. Ideas will be shared despite and in spite of any laws trying to forbid it.

Steven (profile) says:

Re: Re: He must be on drugs

Sure there is, it needs to be old enough that we can’t remember who started… Oh wait… Well old enough that the guy who started it was dead before it was a… No, that doesn’t work either… Well it has to have some connection to an ancient text… Hmm, no that’s not right either…

Oh I know, you just have to have somebody who claims to have a vision, and able to put enough political pressure on the government so they declare you as a legitimate religion! that’s right.

John Doe says:

Re: Re: He must be on drugs

I am not sure what you mean by “recent” but it has been my understanding that Peyote Cults have been around for a while.

From the back cover of a book

For half a century, readers on peyotism have devoured La Barre’s fascinating original study, which began when the author at age twenty-four, studied the rites of fifteen American Indian tribes using Lophophora williamsii, the small, spineless, carrot-shaped peyote cactus growing in th Rio Grande Valley and southward.

Continuing his research from the 1930s through the 1980s, Weston La Barre reviews topics such as the Timothy Leary-Richard Alpert “experiments” with peyote and other psychotropic substances, the Carlos Casteneda phenomenon, the progress of the North American Church toward acceptance as a religious denomination, the presumptions of the Neo-American Church, the legal ramifications of ritual drug use, and the spread of peyotism from the Southwest to other North American tribes.

This new edition of La Barre’s classic study [5th] includes 334 new entries in the latest of his highly valued bibliographical essays on works relating to peyote, not just in anthropology but in a variety of fields including archeology, economics, botany, chemistry, and pharmacology. The bibliography lists important contributions in popular media such as newspapers, audiotapes, and films, as well as scholarly journals.

Gwiz (profile) says:

Re: He must be on drugs

to form “religions” to claim that religious freedom allows them legally to use otherwise illegal drugs.

Huh, Rastafari has been around since the 1930’s which was right around the time that marijuana was made illegal in the US.

Not to mention the Native American’s who were using “illegal” drugs for centuries before the Europeans arrived.

Heck, even the Catholic Church kept using sacramental wine during prohibition.

The Supreme Court says that using illegal drugs as part of religious ceremonies is legal.

So, I don’t think this notion of using illegal drugs as a part of a religion is limited to the “druggies” like you think it is.

John Doe says:

Re: Re: He must be on drugs

I think you missed the “in their worship services” in the headline that you linked to and “for sacramental purposes,” which is sometimes a LEGAL exception, a small exception that drug-users tried UNSUCCESSFULLY to expand into unlimited use.

No serious religion, Native American or Catholic Church has ever, as far as I know, claimed that their religious beliefs allows them to use illegal drugs or drinks at will.

John Doe says:

Re: Re: Re: He must be on drugs

I pulled this from Wikipedia and the more mainstream religions had a similar exemption and registration requirements for sacramental wine during prohibition:

The Code Of Federal Regulations reads:
Special Exempt Persons: Section 1307.31 Native American Church. The listing of peyote as a controlled substance in Schedule I does not apply to the nondrug use of peyote in bona fide religious ceremonies of the Native American Church, … Any person who manufactures peyote for or distributes peyote to the Native American Church, however, is required to obtain registration annually and to comply with all other requirements of law

Gwiz (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re:2 He must be on drugs

Yes, in all of the examples I described, the exemption for the use of illegal drugs was as a part of religious ceremonies.

It is interesting to note the parallels between file sharing (back to subject at hand) and prohibition and between file sharing and marijuana laws though.

Alcohol prohibition was repealed because it was unpopular, hard to enforce and largely ignored.

Marijuana laws are slowly being reversed because of the same reasons. If I recall correctly, some 70% of the population believe medicinal marijuana should legal. And something like 50% think it should be legal for any use.

File sharing seems to be our new “prohibition”. It being illegal seems to be very unpopular. It’s extremely hard to enforce and based on the number of people downloading, the fact that it may be illegal seems to be ignored also.

G Thompson (profile) says:

Re: Re: Re:2 He must be on drugs

So hows that US War on drugs going for you?

Probably the same as War on Terror hey? or should I call it the “War on anyone who doesn’t worship the one true god of the USA”

And one persons religion is another persons belly laugh.. that doesn’t mean they are wrong, nor right. JUST DIFFERENT in their beliefs to you

But hey, I gather you think that if it isn’t a Sanctified Religion by the “powers that be” that it isn’t a religion at all?

Also this is NOT about a religion based in the USA but one that is looking at becoming a legal religion in Sweden [] where ANYONE in the world can become a part of. Think of it as a ground swelling of ideals, ideology, consensus, and ethical boundaries brought together by a community of individuals for a common goal that they strive for to be enlightened by their beliefs always..
hmmm sounds like a religion to me

John Doe says:

Re: Don't compare people to retards or fags - it's not fair to retards

When talking to “tards,” I think you need an easier explanation on why calling people “retards” is unacceptable, as Obama’s Chief of Staff found out.

Here is a personal attack: Mike is stupid.

But, “Mike is retarded,” is a personal attack that also is derogatory to retards, who are no longer called retards but “developmentally disabled.”

It’s one thing to insult Mike. Mike likely deserves it. It’s another thing to insult the developmentally disabled, who have never stole IP, wrote book reports on reports they never read or committed all the sins Mike has.

The same goes for calling people “fags,” which you have to go one step lower on the chat-room chain to find. Most “fags” are also nice people who don’t steal IP.

In other words, calling Mike a retard is wrong not because it insults Mike, but because it insults innocent retards/developmentally disabled.

Capitalist Lion Tamer (profile) says:

Re: Re: Don't compare people to retards or fags - it's not fair to retards

John –

I’m sure as you head through your life, closely guarding your IP (whatever that is), reading your books and repeatedly saying, “Table for one” to the maitre’d, you’re finding that your life has become increasingly focused on one thing: making terrible points terribly.

I’m sure the developmentally disabled will be thrilled to know that you’re using them as a subgroup to be alternately insulted (via freetard) and left-handedly complimented (as in “Mike is so stupid he makes retards look smart.”)

I’m also sure that the gay community will be holding marches in honor any day now, what with your bold statement that most “fags” don’t steal IP. Most. But not all. Unmentioned are the other “fags” who presumably aren’t nice people and who do steal IP. But I guess these “fags” aren’t covered by your badly tattered blanket statement.

So, to sum up: calling Mike a retard is wrong because using the word “retard” insults the developmentally disabled. Making any sort of presumptuous statement utilizing the word “fag” is always going to dig you a nice, deep hole before you can reach some punctuation and attempt to add some qualifiers.

Still, it was kind of fun to watch someone attempt to punch above their weight.

John Doe says:

Re: Re: Re: Don't compare people to retards or fags - it's not fair to retards

This is what you do if you are a grown-up and get caught calling people retards or fags:

“Last August, Emanuel “showed up at a weekly strategy session featuring liberal groups and White House aides,” the Journal’s Peter Wallsten reported lastTuesday.”Some attendees said they were planning to air ads attacking conservative Democrats who were balking at Mr. Obama’s health-care overhaul. ‘F?ing retarded,’ Mr. Emanuel scolded the group, according to several participants. He warned them not to alienate lawmakers whose votes would be needed on health care and other top legislative items.”

A White House official confirms that Emanuel made the remark and reports that Emanuel called Tim Shriver last week when the Journal story first appeared to apologize to the disabled community and the apology was accepted.”

Hautedawg says:

re: He must be on drugs

Well, the ULC (Universal Life Church) has made it. Of course you see no humor in religion, you believe in the God of the Old Testament and are hoping everything gets smitten down by the firey hand of God, the old man in the robes.

For the sake of your family, either get a sense of humor, open your mind, use the mental floss or just accept a Darwin Award and we’ll be done.

Anonymous Coward says:

Oh, yes, of course. This is exactly the sort of thing to convince everyone that file-sharers are ordinary people with a reasonable viewpoint and sensible, logical arguments.

Why are the people who are supposed to be working against the old gatekeepers’ stupid business tactics promoting this thing?!
File-sharers should be viewed as ordinary people, not as a tiny group of extremist nutjobs! We don’t need a bunch of idiots who ought to be in straightjackets misrepresenting us to the media!

G Thompson (profile) says:

Re: Re:

Oh, yes, of course. This is exactly the sort of thing to convince everyone that *INSERT BELOW* are ordinary people with a reasonable viewpoint and sensible, logical arguments.

Please Insert the following in place of above insert point where “file sharers” was.

oops… seems like Everyone of them Formed a religion around it… for the EXACT SAME REASONS That this one is.. to stop persecution, debate ideologies, form consesus’s, etc, etc.

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