The Onion Puts Out An Equally Accurate Report On Recording Industry Revenue Issues

from the sounds-about-right dept

Ah, leave it to The Onion to successfully encapsulate the state of the recording industry with a report that is basically as accurate as most of the reports that come out of the RIAA these days:

The Recording Industry Association of America announced Tuesday that the combined revenue brought in by Warner, Sony, EMI, Universal, and countless independent music labels in 2009 totaled $18. “The music industry is back,” RIAA representative Doug Fowley said. “Not only was Kenny Chesney’s Greatest Hits CD purchased at a Knoxville, TN Borders for $12.99, but we also had two songs downloaded through iTunes, and our ringtone sales reached three.” Fowley added that as long as no one returns or exchanges the CD, the music industry would continue to be a vital and creative force in American culture.

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Comments on “The Onion Puts Out An Equally Accurate Report On Recording Industry Revenue Issues”

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22 Comments
Anonymous Coward says:

Please seek help for that whooshing issue.

Pulse-synchronous tinnitus can be an important indicator of chronic IH. It is described as a whooshing, whistling, humming or marching noise heard in one or both ears that is in sync with the pulse. It is also a subjective noise; it can only be heard by the person who experiences it.

This form of tinnitus is caused by high intracranial pressure compressing blood vessels. It often accompanies severe headache and the other symptoms of chronic IH.

Flakey says:

The onion's satire

I’ve gotten a many a chuckle off The Onion’s satire articles. Often so dumb or so twisted as to be possible in today’s world of suing anything that moves and could turn into profit.

It’s a shame this one isn’t true. It would eliminate the 90% of the industries ill will by it’s customers until a new Dracula emerged. The present industry is just like a vampire, no one deals with it without giving up their life blood and that’s often not enough for them.

I personally am on boycott of the idiots. I would rather see them shackled to the inside of a wooden barn, the door barred, and then burned to the ground in hopes the next version might have a little more sense to it than the present one if you get my figurative drift on the idea.
I don’t believe the present industry and it’s system is fixable.

News that the entire industry made such a figure would be sure to shackled the doors and end all court actions, all attempts at bribing and placing idiot laws by the industry, and any more attempts at making treaties such as the ACTA treaty that can’t stand the light of day.

If I were to wish for a Christmas present this year, this would be it.

Big_Mike (profile) says:

Re: Re:

LOL “Someone still buys CDs?”

Funny thing is, yes they do but the record industry would want people to actually think that never happens so you will feel sympathy for them.

And the guy who said this
“no whoosh. just a stupid story by the onion that has nothing to do with reality.”

HAHAHA, Hello, McFly! “it’s called Satire.” “A common feature of satire is strong irony or sarcasm”

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