Mobile Phone Birth Control

from the never-buy-condoms-again... dept

Missed this one when it first came out, but thanks to Charles W. for submitting this bit of satire, poking fun at the trend these days to build all sorts of extra add-ons to mobile phones. While the writer comes up with a bunch, the main focus of the article is mobile phone birth control, which is described as working by projecting “a high-intensity ultra-sonic electromagnetic “sound cone” that is inaudible to the human ear but fatal to any sperm cell within a range of six meters.” Even better, the user doesn’t have to do anything, as it will work automatically at the necessary moment: “You don’t need to even turn it on. It’s voice-activated. You place it near the bed, or any other site of amorous activity. You can even hang the mobile phone around one partner’s neck. Then, as soon as someone yells, ‘Oh, God! Oh, God!’ – or anything like it – the Nippit sound cone activates, sending out deadly waves of spermicidal ultra-sonic electromagnetism. Any sperm that shows its little head is a goner before he can finish his first wiggle.” Of course, like all contraceptives, it’s not foolproof: “if an incoming phone call arrives at the “moment of truth,” diverting the handset’s attention, a pregnancy could result.” A bit of Friday evening satire to send you off into the weekend…

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