Bye Bye Webvan Delivery Guy

from the singing-songs dept

Lynn Schneider wrote in to tell us she wrote a song for the loss of Webvan. Not normally the type of thing I’d post, but it’s pretty well done. It’s to the tune of Don McLean’s American Pie. Anyway, how many dead dot coms had a song written for them? She claims she wrote it in “a fit of inspiration last week”. That’s one odd inspiration. Anyway, click the “read more” or “comments” link below to read all the lyrics.

"Bye-Bye Webvan Delivery Guy"
(sung to the tune of Don McLean?s "American Pie")

Not so long ago
I can still remember
How my shopping used to make me smile.

And I know if I had the chance
I'd order groceries in advance
And maybe have some free time
For a while.

But dot-com downturns made me shiver
With every order they'd deliver.
Bad news on my doorstep
I couldn't take one more step.

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about the split, 1 for 25.
It really touched me deep inside
The day this dot-com died.

So bye, bye Webvan Delivery Guy
I'd drive my Chevy to the Safeway
But my gas tank is dry
The good 'ol days of e-commerce have died
And this will be the day that I sigh,
"Bye bye, Webvan, bye bye."

Did you write the screens I loved?
Did you have faith the stock would go up?
If the VCs told you so...
Did you believe you were on a roll
And that only expansion could save your soul?
Now you know, ya shoulda grown real slow

HomeGrocer, you acquired them
And after that, you were in a jam.
You dropped Atlanta, Dallas, and Sacto
And you did it so matter-of-fact, oh!

I was a stressed-out mom of two small ones
With an aching back and no time for fun
Now once again, I'm on the run
Today my Webvan died.

Now I'm singing

For months and months I shopped online
The convenience, it was just divine
But that's not how it used to be.

When I dragged my kids to the store each week
They would run around, break things, and shriek
And then suddenly, they would need to pee.

Oh, but when my Webvan came around
It was the best thing I had found!
The rolls were never burned
And if they were, they could be returned.
And while my screen flickered in the dark
The next day, I took the kids to the park.
Now I sing dirges to my shopping cart
Because my Webvan died. 

Now I'm singing

Helter skelter in a summer swelter
The stock was falling, there was no tax shelter
Six small cents and falling faaaaaaasssst.
Employees landed on their ass
Decision made, it had come to pass
With the CEO on the sidelines
Laying them off en-masse.

The dot-com air was sweet perfume
Now it's only gloom and doom
We all logged-on to shop
Who thought the bottom would drop?

Oh and as the players tried the take the field
The loss in profit would not yield
Now we all know what was revealed
The day the dot-com died.

We started singing

Oh, there it was, all in one place
Chicken, stamps, and powdered mace
In no time, you could make your list.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick
His palm pilot thing, it went beep-click
Technology is a Mommy's best-est friend.

Oh, and as I read that last web page
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No Angel funded well
Could break this downturn spell.

And as the vans drove away into the night
To be sold off, their final plight
I heard the Safeway clerks laughing with delight
The day that Webvan died.

They were singing

I met another Mom who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just shrugged and walked away.
I logged on to the sacred store
Where I made my lists two years before
But the screen there said the website
Went away.

And in the stores, the children screamed
Begging, pleading, making a scene
Moms once again were stressing.
That Webvan sure was a blessing.

And the investors I admired the most
The VC, Angel, and silent host
They caught the Caltrain for the coast
The day that Webvan died.

They were singing
Bye, bye Webvan Delivery Guy
I?d drive my Beemer to the Safeway
But my gas tank is dry
The good 'ol days of e-commerce have died
And this will be the day that I cry,
"Bye bye, profits, bye bye."

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