Man Bravely Saves His Xbox From Burning House

from the hot-hot-hot dept

Look, for all you critics out there, I admit it: I love video games. They're my primary source of entertainment, since I long ago discarded regular television viewing, most music, and most movies. My entertainment quota is filled by literature and video games. But even my love for video games pales in comparison to this smitten hero from Kansas, who bravely walked out of his burning home with his most prized possession in tow: his Xbox.

“Hold onto what matters most” are words of wisdom that most people strive to live by, perhaps none more so than an Olathe, Kansas man who on Friday morning risked a fiery death by charging into his burning house to save a beloved Xbox. (The exact model is unknown.) Thankfully, both console and human survived, the latter suffering from smoke inhalation.
I carry your controller with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear console, and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my console. I fear no fate, for your games are my fate, and I want no world, for my Xbox is my true world, and it's you, whatever Grand Theft Auto has always meant, and whatever a Mortal Kombat will always sing is you.

Or, you know, something like that...is what I imagine this guy wrote to his inanimate gaming console. Whatever, my point is this: you can love your console, love your games, and love the experience of playing them. But there must be something else in the place you call home that you'd rather save than the saves on your Xbox. Especially if there's even the slightest chance that same Xbox is the one trying to kill you with the fire of Doom-driven hell-demons.
In a strange twist, the disaster was blamed on an electrical junction box, which makes us wonder if the Xbox wasn’t partly to blame. Was it a suicidal act, or simple betrayal? Difficult to say, as is the matter of where exactly he plans to plug the device in now.
In the afterlife, dear reader, if fate has bothered to read its Shakespeare, I fear this gentleman will meet no Juliet more fair then the electronic daughter of Bill Gates.



Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1.  
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    Vel, Feb 13th, 2014 @ 8:21pm

    WHAT?

    This was in Olathe?! That's where I live!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  2.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 13th, 2014 @ 8:43pm

    Was it the console he wanted to save, or his progress in the games?

     

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  3.  
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    Skeptical Cynic (profile), Feb 13th, 2014 @ 8:51pm

    Yeah well I have heard worse.

    I have heard a woman threaten with lawyer in tow (public conversations suck) to sue Apple because an iOS update caused her device to have to be restored and she lost all her progress in Candy (Don't Sue Me) Crush. No Joke.

     

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  4.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 13th, 2014 @ 9:19pm

    Re:

    It was probably all the irreplaceable downloaded content and money spent on virtual goods that are lost for good once the console is destroyed.

     

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  5.  
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    Ole Juul (profile), Feb 13th, 2014 @ 11:43pm

    Puzzling title

    This was a "man"?

     

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  6. This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
     
    identicon
    Michael, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 12:52am

    Really, good for that man.

     

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  7.  
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    Ninja (profile), Feb 14th, 2014 @ 1:15am

    Re: Yeah well I have heard worse.

    These are evidence that humanity is doomed my friend.

     

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  8.  
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    Ninja (profile), Feb 14th, 2014 @ 1:18am

    You know, even if you say there are other things you may want to save from a fire I would promptly try to save, you know, my goddamn life.

    A quick question: do your saves get a cloud backup if you pay for Live? If yes then he's even dumber. You can shell another $500 for a new one. We still can't resurrect the dead yet no matter how good your health insurance is as far as I know (excluding necromancy since skeletons and zombies do not have a will of their own to play games or something).

     

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  9.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 4:16am

    My emergency evacuation plan involves grabbing my PC hard drive. It's hotswap though so it won't take long to grab.

     

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  10.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 4:19am

    Hey, now - give the guy a break. Today is Valentine's Day. The guy has to have something to do today...

     

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  11.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 5:12am

    ee cummings would be proud, tim.

     

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  12.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 5:44am

    I would hardly call saving your xbox "brave" more like moronic.

    Would not be nearly as funny stating "Man killed in fire trying to save his xbox".

    Try not to confuse stupidity with bravery.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  13.  
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    BentFranklin (profile), Feb 14th, 2014 @ 6:22am

    Re:

    Yep, and I've trained my wife how to grab the NAS. It's where all the pictures are so she's motaveted.

     

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  14.  
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    BentFranklin (profile), Feb 14th, 2014 @ 6:23am

    Re: Re:

    motivated, even.

     

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  15.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 6:24am

    Re: Re:

    That's the Wii and WiiU not the Xbox.

     

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  16.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 6:27am

    Re:

    I'm sure the title was supposed to be interpreted literally...

     

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  17.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 6:34am

    what a fuktard

     

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  18.  
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    Lance (profile), Feb 14th, 2014 @ 7:10am

    Re: WHAT?

    I'm also from Olathe, and I'm torn between laughing and crying. It's funny in the sense that I would not be surprised that one of my neighbors would do this; and yet I'm made sad when I think that one of my own sons might do it. Thankfully, in this case it was neither a nearby neighbor, nor one of my sons.

     

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  19.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 8:22am

    whole new meaning to the words "save your progress"

     

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  20.  
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    Christopher Best (profile), Feb 14th, 2014 @ 9:46am

    Re: Re: WHAT?

    Hah, and here I'm thinking "Our corporate headquarters is in Olathe, wonder if it was one of our developers... Sounds like something they'd do..."

     

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  21.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 11:23am

    The stupidity, it burns!... uh no?... nevermind.

     

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  22.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 11:52am

    Re:

    Hope you are faster than lightening when it strikes.

     

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  23.  
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    MatBastardson (profile), Feb 14th, 2014 @ 2:10pm

    Clear attempt to win the Darwin

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  24.  
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    Anonymous, Feb 14th, 2014 @ 3:16pm

    Now where's he going to plug it in? And what's he going to play it on?

     

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  25.  
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    GC101, Feb 15th, 2014 @ 1:50pm

    I've done that.

    When my apartment building caught fire, I made sure my wife and daughter got out. Then I went and looked for our Ipads. Those suckers are expensive.

    It all turned out OK. Had the fire gone a different direction, there would have been water damage in our apartment. Everything turned out well though.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  26.  
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    Greg, Feb 16th, 2014 @ 8:43am

    Wow, that wouldn't be me! While I love gaming, my life is more valuable than that. I'd be out of there and worry about gaming later.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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