That Anonymous Coward's Second Techdirt Favorites Post Of The Week

from the back-again-for-more... dept

OHAI Tourists!
*pulls on orange vest*

For those of you not shaking your heads in disbelief that I'm here again, I'm That Anonymous Coward.
People mostly just call me TAC, my current claim to fame is appearing in 4 sets of exhibits submitted to Federal Courts by Pretenda and its agents, as well as suing to unmask me for intentional infliction of butthurt... or something. 
I coined the term Pretenda. 
I am harsh, snarky, and pretty entertaining.
I am a legend in my own mind, and the stuff of nightmares for copyright trolls.

Now if you'll all take your seats here on the short bus, the tour can begin, as soon as I get past this pesky club Mike put on the wheel. 
Hand me that canister... a little liquid nitrogen works wonders on stuck locks.
Multitool please....
Now we connect wire 1 to wire 3 and... we're off.

Palantir (named for that creepy orb from Lord of the Rings that lets you spy on hobbit beauty queens changing), got $196 Million in funding.  Let's ignore the absolute failure of the people behind it, and how they planned to use the tech to undermine Wikileaks for private customers.  And they would have gotten away with it, if not for those pesky kids in trendy masks.  So a company, who has no problem creating fake information, is being funded to gather more 'real' information for the government or anyone else with a briefcase full of cash. 

Oh everyone smile at the traffic camera, it's gathering our images to update your status on NSABook.
Given the errors most data aggregators have... you are probably all George Takei.
Everyone smile and say Oh My!

Everyone wave at that nice policeman hiding in that alley... being anonymous online is okay for him, but everyone else should register themselves.
I wonder if he works for this guy.  I guess its open minded thinking like that, that leads to stuff like this.

Ok everyone roll up the windows, this is a bad neighborhood.  Those dark forbidding towers, the fire, the brimstone... Nope its not Mordor, one does not just tour Mordor... this is the Surveillance Suburb. *DUMDUMDUMMMMM*

I'd bother to narrate but this neighborhood is like the most insane HOA ever.
Pouring money into companies, making us all less safe, with nothing to show for it.
If you question them, you're a freaking terrorist.
They scare everyone with ZOMG the terrorists will win, even as they do way more harm.
Protecting the cash cow is more important than people knowing the truth.

Ok this place depresses me... here let's just do a doughnut in Rep. Rogers lawn...

*BaBang*
Whoops sorry that was a pretty big speed bump, oh wait no it's just EA's latest fail.

Let's pay a visit to my favorite place, the Copyright Troll Cul-de-sac. 
We should be safe, with the Government shutdown those nice men from ICE are cooling their heels at home.
Just up here on the left, and this clicker I "found" opens the gates....

Given the amazing lengths some countries are going to appease the IP cartels, well this is confusing.
And well this just seems to fly in the face of the horrible times they claim...
They have given up buying the laws they want, they just think they can say it and make it law.

Yes it's time to hit the wayback machine Peabody for background, as you should have learned last time I had the wheel... I go where I want, last tour I went offsite to Ars.  

I was talking about this lawfirm, Steele Hansmeier LLC and their boy wonder lawyer Brett Gibbs. 
They stood before a Judge and admitted they mislead the court in the original complaint, that the discovery wasn't enough to identify the infringer and wanted the court to allow them access to pretty much anything with a computer in it in the target's house.
My crystal ball is that good, I saw what was happening and well popcorn futures are way up as the comedy keeps coming.
It would be funny haha but the wheels of justice are slow, so its more funny utoh.
See that battered McMansion? The one that looks like its been hit by the wrecking ball a bunch of times, and somehow is still standing?  Prenda Prime, it's pretty much Steele Hansmeier with new siding.
HA.  I think the upcoming holidays might be a little chilly.
HA. They 'represent' him, and their best answer is we think he'll have a good answer?
HA! And the cash they owe, piles up higher.  

I guess gaming the justice system will finally catch up with you.  
The irony, it burns.  How big does the lie have to be when even a staunch copyright advocate calls you out?

What is this little dark alley... oh this is where the patent trolls are breeding.
Much like the copyright trolls they are filling peoples heads with dreams of imaginary dollars... that never seem to make it to their greedy hands.
It is almost like some people want these trolls to succeed and keep the world from moving forward.
They extract money from people who innovate so they can spend more money to keep themselves alive.
Heh, lemme flick on the high beams.... look at them run!
Ok it's gross back here, let's get out on the road...

FSCK someone got funding restored for ICE, everyone duck down while I get us out of here.  
STAY DOWN!
Well Mike can have those bullet holes filled with bondo...again...

I would be depressed about all of the NSA coverage, except my paranoia apparently was well founded.
Looking at the few revelations so far, can people understand why Occupy, LulzSec, & Anonymous scare the crap out of the powers that be?  
We had paramilitary action against citizens exercising their right to protest.  
Fun fact pepper spray is banned for use on soldiers in war because it is chemical warfare, but hosing down citizens seems to be perfectly ok.
'Merika - home of the meek and surveilled.
Maybe those they demonize most are the ones who are done being meek.  
Maybe we should stop accepting what they tell us, as it's clear they have no problem lying to us, and educate ourselves about them.
Not everything they do is well received, but when people fight back it gets messy.
I guess CFAA is the digital firehose being turned on protestors.

And back to the parking lot...
Ohhh look!  Everyone wave at the drones we aren't supposed to know about.

So we've watched our rights get stripped away.
We've all paid the tax on innovation, and gotten nothing but more bad laws.
If you question those rights we all think we still have, they call you names and start digging for dirt (or farm that job out).
Is anyone scared that the guy in the Guy Fawkes mask is making sense?

Republicans are red, Democrats are blue, the really sad thing is, neither side gives a fsck about you.

Oh hey, Mike did my $25,000 ever show up?

You can use part of it to have the tour bus fixed up.

And that was part of the week that was.
I remain,
TAC


Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  •  
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    Rikuo (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 12:25pm

    Absolutely fucking wonderful, TAC. Great stuff. Here's to hoping you write more end of the week articles in the future.

     

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      That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 7:56pm

      Re:

      Thank you, hopefully I will get tapped again... sooner than last time *cough cough cough*.

       

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      dianna, Oct 28th, 2013 @ 6:59am

      Response to: Rikuo on Oct 5th, 2013 @ 12:25pm

      Hi. All hilarious yet so sadly true to a degree. Every case is different. Some are actually before the one good judge in 30. Same as cops. There are good and bad those that break in your law abiding home on new years eve because you made a valid complaint? 8 uniforms 4 on me broken neck in collar , walker. Cane. Young. Worked hard . Gave always. Yet you sue the insurance
      company for lawyers car and different lawyer who hit you. Owner city lawyer
      Driver federal lawyer. Ex husband monster from cult his daddy has oil companies and is friends with judges. And all you do is try to survive and make a good home for the babies you love. They are killing me. They lie to my babies or set - leave em hurt because of me. Half have pulled away. We have false info we fight child welfare from. More to come if anyone wants truth before they put me on street to die cux I don't have money to pay debts that kept us going 12 years with -cant type anymore won't let me fix spelling and deleted words can't move cursor. Sorry. This is ww3. Its silent but very painfully deadly.

       

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    Trails onna phone, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 12:29pm

    new favourite saying

    Intentional infliction of butthurt. Love it.

     

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    davnel, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 12:50pm

    Totally brilliant, TAC, keep up the great work. Now if we can just get those idiots in DC to read and heed. Wouldn't that be something??
    .

     

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      That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 8:17pm

      Re:

      They rely on tech to get to where they want to be.
      Some of the best minds available have seen how anything they develop will be used to suppress people and have picked the other side.

      They might be able to get corporations to screw people for a few pieces of silver, but that will get harder as the brightest work against them.

       

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    sophisticatedjanedoe (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 12:59pm

    Thanks, TAC, it was a fun bus ride :)

     

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      That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 8:18pm

      Re:

      Next time I'll pull over and hotwire the wrecking ball so you can swing on the Pretenda McMansion.
      Bonus points if we tie Miley Cyrus to the front of it...

       

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        Anonymous, Oct 6th, 2013 @ 7:09am

        Re: Re:

        Up until the "Rolling Stone" interview I was a fan and staunch defender of Miley. Not so much now. What she said and advocated in that interview is irresponsible, dangerous, and downright stupid. She's headed down the wrong path, and who knows how many people she'll take with her. Maybe one day she'll look back on it and think about the harm her words may have caused. I just hope she wises up and gets back on the right path, and doesn't end up like Whitney Houston or Cory Monteith.

         

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          That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 7th, 2013 @ 4:20am

          Re: Re: Re:

          I think the larger issue it reveals is the failures of society and parents.

          After pushing their kids to be more like Hannah Montana, that sweet innocent child image carefully crafted by Disney, they suddenly have to try and kill the idol worship they set in motion.

          Ms. Cyrus is a person who doesn't have a duty to be a good role model. She is just like everyone else, her own faults and good points. The single difference is that everything she does is under a magnifying glass and reported on 2 minutes after it happens. To stay in the media spotlight, she is playing them like a fiddle.

          To many people want to blame her for the ills their children are suddenly being exposed to, ignoring the nightly news telling them the same things.

          I dislike Ms. Cyrus for being a media whore, but she is just the latest outside thing people want to blame their failure to parent their kids on.

           

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    Anonymous Coward, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 1:46pm

    Don't know why I enjoyed the reading, but anyways thanks, that was a fun read.

     

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    Raul, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 1:55pm

    Hilarious! Thanks for the entertaining tour ride.

     

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    Michael, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 2:07pm

    Wish I could afford to have your 4 line poem on billboards all over Arizona.

    Thanks for the ride.

     

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    Anonymous Coward, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 3:17pm

    Awesome Stuff ... encore?

     

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    That One Guy (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 4:01pm

    That was awesome, wish you could give articles funny votes, this one would definitely garner a ton of them.

     

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    Paul, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 5:17pm

    You just raised the line:

    Now, how are you going to top this??

     

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    Anonymous Coward, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 6:12pm

    Another week of Masnick CENSORSHIP ABUSE

    why? he has to stifle free speech somehow.

    If he finds someone able to prove him wrong so often, he has little choice but to censor me.

    He cant have someone questing him on the truth of what he says can he ????

    Its sad in a lot of ways that Masnick puts himself up as the champion of fighting CENSORSHIP and working hard for free speech.

    Hell he uses it enough as his subject matter, its just a terrible shame, that little bit of power has got him by the balls.. A power that now he has tasted he cant give up..

    Masnick of ALL PEOPLE using CENSORSHIP to destroy open debate and free speech.

    I guess if you simply are not good enough to respond to my arguments, you have little choice.

    But you needing to CENSOR what I have to say, simply means I've won !!!

    I must of, because if Masnick could develop an argument to counter mine he would.

    I win, because Masnick need to abuse CENSORSHIP to beat me !!!!


    Lets see if or when this post EVER gets posted, or if it is CENSORED by Masnick.

    Because Masnick cannot deal with people questing his statements and catching him in lies.

    Why is it you (like a lot of others you write about) need to resort to CENSORSHIP as opposed to free speech and open debate ??

    Are you proud of yourself that you have to resort to what you claim to hate ?? just because of me ???

    So you put your reputation at steak because you are unable to support your argument with the conviction of your words and actions ?

    it is now 1806 PST Sat 5th October.

    Lets see if this post ever gets posted, or if masnick need to abuse CENSORSHIP because he is scared to debate me !!!!

    At least I have you scared Masnick, clear not scared to tell the truth, but scared enough to CENSOR !!

     

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      That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 7th, 2013 @ 9:06am

      Re: Another week of Masnick CENSORSHIP ABUSE

      the meds... get back on them.

       

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      Anonymous Coward, Oct 8th, 2013 @ 7:32pm

      Re: Another week of Masnick CENSORSHIP ABUSE

      > rants about censorship
      > timestamp confirms post was made and displayed on site immediately after posting

      Yeah, maybe that's why no one "debates" with you, darryl the dipshit, because you lie through your teeth and do a fucking horrible job of it. Go slice your dick on a solar panel.

       

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    Anonymous Coward, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 6:15pm

    Coward !!!

    Iv's seen some badly written articles in my time, but yours is REALLY, REALLY BAD !!!!

     

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    That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 8:23pm

    Someone hold me, I'm scared.

    Last time at just over an hour they tried to Godwin. (I don't think it was a serious attempt)

    The grammar and spelling police were in full swing tearing apart my use of the language ignoring the message.

     

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    Anonymous Coward, Oct 5th, 2013 @ 8:58pm

    I loved doing doughnuts in Mike Rogers front yard! So much fun.

     

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    Borg Tech (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 9:25pm

    Bravo

    TD has come a long ways to include guest writings such as these. (Applause)

     

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    G Thompson (profile), Oct 5th, 2013 @ 10:00pm

    Uhuh


    backs away slowly knowing the bus is powered by Ponies

    ;)

     

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    Anonymous Coward, Oct 6th, 2013 @ 5:42am

    ROFL! Best post this year!

    ^^

     

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    edinjapan (profile), Oct 6th, 2013 @ 6:02am

    Riding the shortbus

    TAC,

    The next time you offer me a ride on the short bus remind me to bring a helmet, flak vest, my elastic band Gatling gun http://hackedgadgets.com/wp-content/2/disintegrator_rubber_band_gun_2.jpg popcorn and beer.

    Now, if you could just do something about Aso and Abe I'm sure there would be dozens of salarymen and hundreds of Tokyo bargirls lined up to thank you personally.

     

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      That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 6th, 2013 @ 7:12am

      Re: Riding the shortbus

      You want me to critique the outfits of hundreds of bargirls?!
      There are limits to my tolerance for scantily clad women.

      and the joke goes off in 3...2....1.... Boom.

       

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    Anonymous Coward, Oct 6th, 2013 @ 5:44pm

    Guy Fawkes Night

    Guy Fawkes Night was the best fun for a small child, they sold fireworks in the shops, tom thumbs, penny bangers, It didn't matter some child blew off a few fingers when they held a cracker too long, and then there was the big bon-fire on November 3??, and much celebration of the anniversary of the burning of Guy Fawkes at the Stake. As an Adult I'm glad the Government stopped this "celebration", When the history behind this event is considered its inappropriate to mark such an evil day.

     

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      That Anonymous Coward (profile), Oct 7th, 2013 @ 4:23am

      Re: Guy Fawkes Night

      History is written by the victors.
      It is much more pleasant to focus on the death of an enemy of the state than all of the things that were done to make him an enemy.

       

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