Quack Professor Releases Dumbest Violent Video Game Theory Ever

from the yeah,-it's-really-that-bad dept

If you have sensed an increase in the levels of air-borne stupidity in the world lately, as have I, you might be looking for the root cause of this collective mental climate change. I think I've found it. I believe it's caused by emissions of stupid generated by the debate over violent video games. Where else can you go for opinions that so blatantly ignore statistics and reason? You have retired military trumping up the next generations of "killers," despite violence and mass shootings being down in America. We have the damned Vice President of the United States showing his complete blind spot on the legality of taxing supposedly violent games. Not to mention newspaper industries that rely on the 1st Amendment to operate considering whether censorship of violent media might just be the answer to all of our problems.

But if you thought that was as bad as the theories get, on how violent games are harmful, oh boy were you wrong. See, a South Korean professor now believes that violent games are a plague on all of us...because they make our video cards run hotter and the resulting radio waves are harmful.
Korean site Inven (via tipster Sang) reports that the professor's study apparently revealed that a game's graphics card temperature was 36°C when idling. Now, that sounds about right. The card's temperature apparently increased to 45°C during a racing game. But then, Professor Cho's study stated that when a "violent game" was played, the temperature supposedly shot up to 57°C. In turn, the game emitted more radio waves.
For those of you who aren't suffering face-palm-induced concussion syndrome, you're probably already thinking about all the other everyday things that can cause your GPU to run hotter, such as graphic design work or, you know, watching HD movies. In fact, those activities can push the temperatures even higher. Or maybe you're thinking about how correlating how much work a GPU does to how violent a game is just might be the kind of thing that can cause a brain to commit suicide. Or maybe you're wondering if having your notebook computer on your lap every time you've played Doom has put your testicles at risk of mutation, turning them into monstrous, sentient testicilians, a race of self-reproductive hell-nuts bent on destroying the world.

Well, whatever you're thinking, calm the hell down and put your pants back on. This guy is as crackers as crackers gets.
Previously, Professor Cho has apparently published research on how drinking for three days straight will cause liver damage, how watching porn will cause unmarried men liver damage, and how smartphones cause people to have irregular voices. He sounds like a very serious researcher!
Were any of that actually true, I can assure you I'd be speaking in falsetto about my double-liver-damage instead of remarking on how crazy Professor Cho is.


Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1.  
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    Rikuo (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 4:03am

    "Or maybe you're wondering if having your notebook computer on your lap every time you've played Doom has put your testicles at risk of mutation, turning them into monsterous, sentient testicilians, a race of self-reproductive hell-nuts bent on destroying the world. "

    Timothy Geigner just won the Noble Prize for the Internetz with that sentence.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  2.  
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    That One Guy (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 4:09am

    '...how watching porn will cause unmarried men liver damage...'

    So apparently getting married causes your liver to develop anti-porn agents or something, who knew?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  3.  
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    Dark Helmet (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 4:11am

    Re:

    "So apparently getting married causes your liver to develop anti-porn agents or something, who knew?"

    If that's true, then I've apparently got about six months to live...

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  4.  
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    Arsik Vek (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 5:24am

    Holy balls (to oppose the Testicilians).... this guy is nuts.

     

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  5.  
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    Zakida Paul (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:17am

    How did this guy ever become a professor? Was it a 'collect 10 crisp bags and collect a prize' type thing?

    'Nuts' is not a word that does justice to this guy's level of nuttiness.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  6.  
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    Zakida Paul (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:19am

    Re:

    2 million Internets to you sir

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  7.  
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    Zakida Paul (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:24am

    Re:

    Nuttier than rat shite in a peanut factory

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  8.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:26am

    57C hahaha! That's nothing, I've had my laptops old graphics card up in the 100C's!

     

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  9.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:30am

    "because they make our video cards run hotter and the resulting radio waves are harmful."

    Thank

    You have finally developed a theory that explains the loons in DC.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  10.  
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    Capt ICE Enforcer, May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:31am

    Suicide or Mass murder

    So my laptop is making me a murderer cause HD porn heats up more than my computer and makes me flush my swimmers down the toilet. I now understand. Thank you professor.

     

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  11.  
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    Capt ICE Enforcer, May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:31am

    Suicide or Mass murder

    So my laptop is making me a murderer cause HD porn heats up more than my computer and makes me flush my swimmers down the toilet. I now understand. Thank you professor.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  12.  
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    horse with no name, May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:34am

    Bitcoin mining

    by his logic, bitcoin mining would be instant serial killer.

     

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  13.  
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    PaulT (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:36am

    Re: Bitcoin mining

    Overclocking is genocide!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  14.  
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    Arthur Moore (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:40am

    Over 100C!!!

    Have you considered using liquid cooling?

    Even submerging your graphics card in distilled water would keep it at 100C. Above that, and it would start boiling off.

     

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  15.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:41am

    Liver damage... liver damage... you get the idea that there's some order in all that chaos, or is he just projecting?

     

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  16.  
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    Coogan (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:47am

    This explains all the rage during the SimCity launch. It wasn't because of the DRM or the servers crashing or the sucky gameplay, it was because video cards was overheating and turning people into homicidal maniacs.

    And I can't tell you how many times I've felt an uncontrollable urge to kill dragons and bandits after an overnight Skyrim marathon. All this time I thought it was just sleep deprivation and the half-dozen bottles of NOS.

     

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  17.  
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    Starke (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:02am

    Re:

    Maybe it's not a title, maybe he legally changed his first name to Professor...

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  18.  
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    Rocky Oliver (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:13am

    I rarely add comments to Techdirt....

    But this particular post is geek comic genius. My Cubehog coworkers are popping up over their walls to stare at me, wondering what could possibly make me laugh in this place.

    Thanks for the opportunity to leave them guessing.

    Or maybe you're wondering if having your notebook computer on your lap every time you've played Doom has put your testicles at risk of mutation, turning them into monsterous, sentient testicilians, a race of self-reproductive hell-nuts bent on destroying the world.

    Brilliant.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  19.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:17am

    If that is true I'm fucking doomed.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  20.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:25am

    Radio waves? I've got a hat for that.

    Wait, he doesn't have any connections to the tinfoil industry does he?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  21.  
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    Ima Fish (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:35am

    South Korea doesn't always have the firmest grasp on science. For example, it is widely believed in SK that an electric fan left running overnight in a closed room can cause the death of those sleeping inside.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death

     

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  22.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:39am

    " despite violence and mass shootings being down in America"

    Down to what??? Epidemic levels? We will fight like hell for the unborn - but once there are here, they are fair game.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  23.  
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    GMacGuffin (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:47am

    Minecraft as empirical evidence of validity ...

    1. Minecraft is a violent video game. You must kill mobs to survive.

    2. My best friend likes a high-res Minecraft texture pack and is hell bent on killing mobs. I stick with a 64x res pack and hide from mobs in a hole at night.

    3. He sometimes gets drunk and wants to start a fight. I do not.

    Therefore, using hi-res texture packs on the violent game of Minecraft has been shown to make people more violent than those who use lower res, video-card-heat-friendly texture packs.

    Proven.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  24.  
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    Dark Helmet (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:51am

    Re:

    Um, violent crime is waaaaaay down in America in general, and mass shootings are at worst level and at best slightly on the decline. Don't let media coverage fool you....

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  25.  
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    Bengie, May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:53am

    Re:

    I have to agree, was epic.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  26.  
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    Jeffry Houser (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 7:57am

    Do you know the Difference between a theory and a hypothesis?

    A theory is the most complete understanding science has based on the available facts.

    A hypothesis is a guess that hasn't been proved yet.

    Sounds like you're using 'theory' in this article when you mean 'hypothesis'.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  27.  
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    PaulT (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 8:11am

    Re: Do you know the Difference between a theory and a hypothesis?

    Given the level of actual science present in this guy's work, I'd say it's safe to say that the article is using the colloquial meaning of theory rather than the scientific one.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  28.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 8:19am

    Or maybe you're wondering if having your notebook computer on your lap every time you've played Doom has put your testicles at risk of mutation, turning them into monsterous, sentient testicilians, a race of self-reproductive hell-nuts bent on destroying the world.

    Best Quote Ever!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  29.  
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    Rikuo (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 8:26am

    Re:

    Someone turn this into a picture, I want it for my avatar.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  30.  
    identicon
    bob, May 22nd, 2013 @ 8:27am

    how long before average joe or out of the blue say this bloke is talking sense.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  31.  
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    el_segfaulto (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 8:27am

    Re:

    Wow, I got married a few months ago. Hopefully my liver can repair the damage that I did to it in my 20's!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  32.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 8:38am

    Re: Over 100C!!!

    No point on an old laptop. It was when it overheated in the middle of a game I decided to give my balls a break and buy a desktop. It's graphics card runs at a cool 60C!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  33.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 8:44am

    Re: Re: Over 100C!!!

    Also, to extrapolate a bit...

    According to this professor's logic if I had a laptop running at 100C that's like double 57C so that's double the harmful radio waves! And since the graphics card was situated right above my unmentionables we can further multiply the effects of the harmful radio waves by tenfold!

    But that means... OH NO! I'M HITLER!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  34.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 10:03am

    Correct me if I am wrong.

    "In turn, the game emitted more radio waves. "

    I fairly sure, it would be the video card emitting more radio waves, not the game, games are not really known for their radio emissions.

    Heat is also infrared radiation, although on the same spectrum as radio, most people consider it as LIGHT.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  35.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 10:06am

    Timbo

    Timmy, why are you not here supporting his right to free speech and freedom of opinion ?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  36.  
    icon
    Internet Zen Master (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 10:21am

    I never thought I'd actually say this

    I honestly miss Jack Thompson.

    The guy may have been an overzealous anti-video game crusader, but at least his "arguments" were slightly more realistic than some of the bizzaro claims made by today's anti-violent video game crowd.

    How long is the video game industry going to put up with this bullshit?

    As the Zen Master says, "We'll see."

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  37.  
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    Dark Helmet (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 10:41am

    Re: Timbo

    "Timmy, why are you not here supporting his right to free speech and freedom of opinion ?"

    Um, I never said he shouldn't be allowed to say stupid shit, I'm just pointing out it's stupid shit. Not sure why you don't understand the distinction....

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  38.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 11:37am

    i find it strange how the violent behaviour and killings in USA are all being attributed to violent video games. how come none of the blame is being associated to the last 100years of violent movies? we have watched everything from cowboys and indians, spacemen and aliens, gangsters and policemen and war films depicting America versus every other nation on the planet but i dont recall reading/hearing about their influence on kids, only video games. i suppose if you take into account the amount of money that Hollywood throws at Congress we get a reasonable answer. perhaps the video gaming industry ought to throw more 'campaign funding' in a particular direction, then someone could think of something else to blame!!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  39.  
    identicon
    AC Unknown, May 22nd, 2013 @ 11:47am

    Re: Timbo

    Because this "professor" (and I use the term loosely in this case) is in South Korea, not the USA.

     

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  40.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 12:33pm

    Re: Re: Re: Over 100C!!!

    "this professor's logic if I had a laptop running at 100C that's like double 57C "

    double 57c is 114DegC, just in case you were away the day they taught maths.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  41.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 22nd, 2013 @ 12:38pm

    That's just science

    One time I left the fan on overnight and suffered nausea and facial paralysis.

    I thought of other causes, but that 10 year old can of baked beans from the back of the pantry that I had for lunch was totally okay. Sure the can was bulging, but everyone knows that beans cause gas.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  42.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 12:42pm

    Re: Re: Re: Re: Over 100C!!!

    I think you missed the point...

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  43.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 12:44pm

    Re:

    Because the big media companies who made said violent movies also control most major media outlets. Ergo the higher ups in big media say it's violent video games, not movies.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  44.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 12:46pm

    Re: Timbo

    Here in america we ridicule stupid people equally, regardless of race.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  45.  
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    Wally (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 1:20pm

    In my professional opinions (yes I'm now A+ Cert working on Network+ Cert) he is definitely a loon in spite of the fact that he is right in saying that liquid particle flow in the simulation of blood typically does run video cards ragged...especially with flying gibs...so at least he's right about the video card's/cards' rising temperatures...

    The violence stems from the detachment from reality and not knowing between what is real and what is not real. Watching violence doesn't affectively make one violent, but it does make us slightly less prone to sympathizing with victims of violence and abuse if we are exposed to it at an early age.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  46.  
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    Sheogorath (profile), May 22nd, 2013 @ 6:25pm

    Re:

    How did this guy ever become a professor? Was it a 'collect 10 crisp bags and collect a prize' type thing?
    Actually, I believe it was from the same website where I got Max, my cat, a BSc and an MSc in macroeconomics by filling out a couple of forms and paying $750 on my credit card.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  47.  
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    PaulT (profile), May 23rd, 2013 @ 12:38am

    Re:

    "In my professional opinions (yes I'm now A+ Cert working on Network+ Cert)"

    No offence Wally, but unless you have lengthy actual professional experience to back it up, the A+ does not make you a professional in the field. It's an entry level certification that even the COMPTIA website lists as "the starting point for a career in IT". It means you're qualified to fix PCs and mobile devices up to a certain level, not that you're an expert in any field.

    You can certainly use your studies to make informed opinions in some areas, but in professional terms you're barely a newcomer, let alone a seasoned professional. Your opinion is welcome, but please stop waving around your basic certificate as if it makes you an expert. Enjoy the Network+ and hopefully that will lead to better things, but once you pass it you won't be an expert on networking.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  48.  
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    Niall (profile), May 23rd, 2013 @ 2:28am

    Re: Re: Re: Re: Over 100C!!!

    Besides, it should really relate to the Kelvin temperature or the maths can get really wonky...

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  49.  
    identicon
    Orin Laney, May 23rd, 2013 @ 12:02pm

    Quack Professor Releases Dumbest Violent Video Game Theory Ever

    OK, credentials. I'm an electrical engineer and a certified electromagnetic compatibility engineer. My business is knowing about those 'harmful' radio waves. Fun physics fact: when a graphics card heats up, current consumption actually goes down. The cute little MOS transistors inside have a negative temperature coefficient that helps guarantee thermal stability. Result: the radio waves actually diminish somewhat when a graphics card gets hotter. Fun regulatory fact: the radio emissions for personal computers are held to levels low enough that they can't interfere with the Saturday morning Funny Bunny show your slack-jawed kids are watching on the boob tube. Worrying about radio waves from a personal computer is like paranoia over the danger of heat stroke from exposure to moonlight. Although, come to think of it, maybe that's what happened to the learned professor.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  50.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 24th, 2013 @ 9:28am

    Wait, is he North Korean or South Korean?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  51.  
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    BearGriz72 (profile), May 24th, 2013 @ 12:17pm

    Epic Facepalm!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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