This Week's Bad Photoshopping Lesson Comes From Scientology

from the the-thetans-did-it dept

The universe has a sense of humor. I'm convinced of it. See, as someone who believes that humor is a wonderful way to deal with otherwise disheartening topics, I'm amazed at how often the world around me will give me something to laugh at when I'm feeling blue. Take the world's current climate on the topic of religion, for instance. It'd be very easy to get down in the dumps over the Westboro Baptist Church, religious fundamentalists engaging in acts of terror, and the never-ending saga known as the Middle East "peace" process. None of those things are laughing matters. But then, reading the forlorn expression on my face, the universe sends me another story from the Church of Scientology.

The Tom-Cruise-iest religion on the planet took a break from their attempt to destroy free speech to celebrate the grand-mega opening of their new ironically named Ideal Organization in Portland by producing the worst photoshopped picture this side of the Iranian military.

The crowd was around 450-750 people. But the church claims it was more like 2,500, and it Photoshopped in the proof. Except the proof is about as convincing as your thetan's origin story. In reality, there were no people in the right-hand side of the photo. There was actually a line of rented trees set up to block the view of people not so friendly to Scientology (see the photo below), as well as police blocking off a four-block radius for the event. And it's not just that the picture was doctored, it's that it was done quite poorly. They added people right on top of the trees in the altered section.
Tony Ortega has the two photos that demonstrate this. First was the "official" photo from the Church which is clearly photoshopped.
And then a shot from a different angle showing that the people on the right section above aren't actually there.
What was an attempt to make turnout of the "event" look bigger than it was resulted in, at best, Scientology looking silly yet again for their combination of secretiveness and lying about their own events. Or, at worst, it suggests that Scientology turns human beings into a kind of hybrid tree-people, in which case we're all going to be subject to an aphid plague that may undo all of humanity. Ahhhh!

So a word of friendly advice to my Scientologist friends: brainwashed graphic designers are a better asset than brainwashed Tom Cruises. For ever and ever. Amen.



Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1.  
    identicon
    Tom Landry, May 16th, 2013 @ 4:26pm

    anyone remember the awesome web series "You Suck At Photoshop?"

    Helpful PS hints while you experience the abysmal life of the narrarator. Loved it.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  2.  
    identicon
    S. T. Stone, May 16th, 2013 @ 4:30pm

    I donít want to become a tree-hybrid!

    Besides, my spirit plant is a sunflower.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  3.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 16th, 2013 @ 5:16pm

    They must have attached a body thetan detector to the camera lense

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  4.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 16th, 2013 @ 5:57pm

    New Home

    "The Church's new home is the landmark Sherlock Building, originally constructed in 1893 and listed today on the National Register of Historic Places."


    I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. Could there be some ulterior motive to their choosing a protected building as their "new home"?

     

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  5.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 16th, 2013 @ 6:08pm

    Fuck L Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  6.  
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    Louanne, May 16th, 2013 @ 6:25pm

    Gross neglect of any journalist duty

    To report this on the 16th, when several major newspapers have pulled the report after it turned out to be false, is just one thing: journalistic neglect and a scary carelessness about facts.

     

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  7.  
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    Marie DeMars, May 16th, 2013 @ 6:34pm

    oh dear...

    ...and once again we prove that Owning the programs doesn't make you a Designer...

     

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  8.  
    identicon
    Louanne, May 16th, 2013 @ 6:40pm

    False

    Censored my other comment, didn't you? Here is another one:

    Photoshopped my ass...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QucQK4dU77w

    Daily Mail, Washington Times, Gizmodo Australia, all pulled the story. Why: because it's a LIE. No only the 2,500+ that were there (including myself) know that. Also those that know what a "extreme wide angle lens" is do.

    That happens if you believe Tony Ortega: you get proven wrong in no time.

     

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  9.  
    identicon
    Ian, May 16th, 2013 @ 8:25pm

    Quick to Judge and WRONG

    What if I told the writer of this article and all you haters just waiting to dog pile on anything you deem less than yourself that YOU ARE WRONG? HERE"S THE PROOF! The video PROVES there were people there! Now, have you learned a lesson about rushing to judgement? So sad... http://www.bizjournals.com/portland/blog/real-estate-daily/2013/05/scientologists-positioned-for-gro wth.html

     

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  10.  
    icon
    PolyPusher (profile), May 16th, 2013 @ 8:37pm

    It'

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  11.  
    identicon
    Larry, May 16th, 2013 @ 8:38pm

    Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    I'd say that I'm sorry you spent all that money "learning" your "religion" and that you should just drink whatever cool-aid they provide you.

    Oh, and Tom Cruise sucks as a human being.

    (So does Travolta)

     

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  12.  
    identicon
    JonIE, May 16th, 2013 @ 9:14pm

    Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    The guy with the blue shirt in the bottom of the squared-off area has his twin standing next to him, doing the exact same pose, mirrored.

    It obviously must have been photochopped from a picture taken at the same time, but from a different viewing angle.

    Slide No.2 in the photo gallery is the full image: http://www.scientology.org/david-miscavige/churchopenings/grand-opening-scientology-ideal-organizati on-portland.html

     

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  13.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 16th, 2013 @ 9:33pm

    There is simply no reason to do this. Just take 3 steps to the left and take the shot. It will still look like a lot of people. Ridiculous.

     

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  14.  
    icon
    apauld (profile), May 16th, 2013 @ 9:50pm

    Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    Nobody is saying that there were not mindless pod people on the street that day. There were just a lot less mindless pod people than you faux-scientists claimed.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  15.  
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    apauld (profile), May 16th, 2013 @ 9:52pm

    Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    I think you meant to say Tom Cruise sucks other human beings....

     

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  16.  
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    techflaws (profile), May 16th, 2013 @ 10:07pm

    Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    Now, have you learned a lesson about rushing to judgement?

    Nope, we just learned that Scientology's drones are as gullible as necessary to believe in crap thought up by a guy who wrote bad Science Fiction.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  17.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 16th, 2013 @ 10:47pm

    Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    you can see the editing in the footage when the yellow things(butterflys?) fly across the right side of the video and there's a blur where the image was doctored. And that's only just what I noticed from watching it once.

     

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  18.  
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    Watchit (profile), May 16th, 2013 @ 10:49pm

    Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    ALSO! I don't see how anyone can deny the overhead picture embedded in the article showing only one side? Is this perhaps a case of doublethink?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  19.  
    identicon
    Cowboy Bebop, May 16th, 2013 @ 11:31pm

    I bet Tom did it.

    ROFL WTF? I don't get what they were thinking and you'd think with Hollywood they could have actually did it flawlessly.

    I mean I've done far better work on random Reddit images lol.. Next time they may want to jump over to the Photoshop Gurus forum and pay a few bucks to get some work done that's actually convincing.

    Oh well tell next time, Hail Xenu.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  20.  
    icon
    Anonymous Howard (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 12:00am

    Re:

    There's a real terrorist group, and what do the FBI and CIA do? Chasing shadows...

    A meaningful way to spend tax money on them: in the form of guided missiles aimed at their leaders.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  21.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 17th, 2013 @ 12:52am

    There is no "For ever and ever. Amen." or anything remotely similar in Scientology.

    Scientologists do not worship, pray or believe in God.

    Instead adherents are taught to believe that they ARE God. Although it masquerades as a church for tax purposes, Scientology is really a long series of 'self-help' type courses where people are taught things like how to scream as ashtrays in an attempt to levitate them. Suckers who have spent many years in the cult and paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to reach the higher levels are supposed to have supernatural abilities and god-like powers.

    Scientology is an elaborate scam to fleece the gullible.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  22.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 17th, 2013 @ 12:57am

    Re: New Home

    Wait a damn minute. I seem to remember there being a law on the Portland books that if you owned a historic place, even if it was a residential building, you had to be open 1 day a year to all comers who wanted to see the inside of it (in order to allow people to experience history and view historical landmarks). Many homeowners chose Christmas Day, since they knew no one would ever show for it.

    So we have access, and now all we need is someone with motive to do something terrible/awesome/hilarious.

     

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  23.  
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    teka (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 2:18am

    It also looks like the people in the far upper left section are also "digitally enhanced".

    The semi-overhead image seems to show the line of rented trees crossing the street somewhere between the black awnings of "Silverado"(male strip club) and the neighboring body-piercing shop (just before the exotic club, see the trace of red near the glare or light?) This pegs the blocked in crowd as an area only slightly wider than the frontage of the building at best, not stretching off into infinity down 3rd and Oak streets.

     

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  24.  
    identicon
    The Real Michael, May 17th, 2013 @ 4:31am

    Re: Re:

    The FBI did investigate Scientology way back when (for tax fraud), but L.Ron Hubbard came up with the genius idea to send his followers to track agents' every step, then threatened to go public with some of their more 'questionable' private activity. Needless to say, the investigation ceased.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  25.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 17th, 2013 @ 4:43am

    Re: Re: Re:

    "the investigation ceased"

    I doubt that.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  26.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 17th, 2013 @ 5:27am

    Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    XENU! There, that oughta keep him in line.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  27.  
    icon
    Shon Gale (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 5:53am

    Scientology and Tom Cruise are wankers!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  28.  
    icon
    REM(RND) (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 6:43am

    The Obvious

    You all missed it. Scientology is changing what its members are called as they arborize them: Saps.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  29.  
    icon
    Dark Helmet (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 6:44am

    Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    Ian, are you a believer in Scientology?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  30.  
    icon
    Anonymous Howard (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 6:55am

    Re: Re: Re:

    So let's say if the Al Qaeda sent members to the US to follow agents and then publish their actions the US would stop harassing them? :D

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  31.  
    identicon
    The Libertarian, May 17th, 2013 @ 7:11am

    Re: L. Ron Hubbard

    Scientology came out of a bet between Piers Anthony and L. Ron Hubbard as to who can make a successful religion. Apparently, L. Ron won the bet. I think L. Ron is laughing somewhere since Scientology is an exercise in how susceptible human beings are to an Authority figure.

    Not to put down Christ, but Scientology shows how stupid people can be when it comes to following different philosophy. However, if you drop the philosophers of today in Hellenistic Greece or China of the Hundred Schools it would be a different environment. L. Ron and Piers would have a field day, and there would be no end to the competition.

    Scientology is a philosophy since the religion came out of a bet and not out of spiritual inspiration. It might have been better if Scientology jump started another Golden Age of Philosophy -- it would be interesting if that time period restarted all over again.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  32.  
    icon
    Anonymous Howard (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 7:13am

    Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    Also note the confetti on the right side switching to light speed when the confetti on the left side reaches the camera...

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  33.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 17th, 2013 @ 9:14am

    Re:

    and fuck all you hip gangster wannabe's

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  34.  
    icon
    Dirkmaster (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 9:52am

    Re: Re: L. Ron Hubbard

    Anyone know anything about the religion that Piers Anthony created? I'd be a lot more likely to believe in that one. I always liked his books more than LRH's.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  35.  
    icon
    Dirkmaster (profile), May 17th, 2013 @ 9:52am

    Re: Re: L. Ron Hubbard

    Anyone know anything about the religion that Piers Anthony created? I'd be a lot more likely to believe in that one. I always liked his books more than LRH's.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  36.  
    identicon
    The Real Michael, May 17th, 2013 @ 5:21pm

    Re: Re: Re: Re:

    The difference being that Scientology has people in positions of power and influence, e.g. judges, actors, musicians, etc.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  37.  
    icon
    The Groove Tiger (profile), May 18th, 2013 @ 11:15pm

    Re: Re: Quick to Judge and WRONG

    Must be fresh out of The Hole.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  38.  
    identicon
    anonymouse, May 20th, 2013 @ 4:20am

    Old

    Seriously i don't know why any site would even give them a small bit of attention, they are irrelevant in today's society and the only way to remove them is to ignore them the same as any cult.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  39.  
    icon
    dennis deems (profile), Jun 28th, 2013 @ 10:46am

    Re: Re: L. Ron Hubbard

    What does Christ have to do with it?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  40.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jun 28th, 2013 @ 10:50am

    Re: It'

    [Liberty Bell March begins to play]

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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