Funniest/Most Insightful Comments Of The Week At Techdirt

from the incentive-confusion dept

Ah, ICE. Whenever they do something like raid phone repair shops, we can't help but wonder just what they think their mandate really is. Akari Mizunashi took a shot at answering that question, and won most insightful comment of the week:

"Immigration & Custom's Enforcement (ICE)"
Uh, sorry, but that's not what it stands for.

Industry & Corporate Enforcement.

Please make note of this in the future, for accuracy. ;)

And as long as we're talking about people who seem very confused about the business they are in, we have to mention CBS and its threats to move to cable if Aereo is declared legal. An anonymous commenter took the second most insightful spot by parsing their confusion:

Content paid for by advertisers so let's shrink our audience for our advertisers because we hate that someone is expanding our advertisers' audience, nyah!

Stupid, stupid people.

Indeed. And for the first editor's choice, we continue that line of thought by going to Beech, who broke it down in more detail:

What I can't understand...

Money earned directly from someone watching via antenna: $0
Money earned directly from someone watching via Aereo: $0

Wait...what? So they make the same either way? Oh, they make money off of advertisers buying time on their network. Time becomes more valuable the more people watch it. So...

Number of people watching CBS over the air: X
Number of people watching CBS over the air + over Aereo: >/= X

Wait...what? So more eyeballs? Shouldn't that mean more ad money? Maybe there's a problem determining the ratings?...

OTA ratings: Compiled by Neilson based on a tiny sample group that we pray is representative of the whole. Aereo ratings: Aereo could technically (and probably does)count EXACTLY how many viewers are watching when/for how long/and from where in the world.

So...in a business of selling eyeballs, Aereo dumps a huge truck load of eyeballs on their doorstep and gets sued over it. On top of this CBS's own eyeball inventory is awfully inaccurate and Aereo's drop has an immaculate inventory sheet attached. And Aereo still get's sued.

And now, on top of everything, CBS is threatening to remove itself from the eyeballs of a bunch of viewers, to prevent the eyeballs of a BUNCH of other viewers from seeing them in a way they don't care for? In a business where eyeballs = money?

This case makes less sense by the minute.

And for our second editor's choice, we head to the latest ramblings of Jaron Lanier, from whence there is one more winning comment to come. JEDIDAH provided some general context to the raging debate by reminding everyone about the dirty truth of old school publishing:

If you know someone that is making a mint as a creator then both of you are very lucky. Most artists never even get accepted by a publisher. If they are lucky enough to get accepted by a publisher, they may never strike it big enough to pay back their advance. Chances are, they will have to do their own marketing as the publisher won't lift a finger for them.

Authors like King and Rowling are lottery winners.

Even seemingly well established authors end up doing their own promotion schlepping to cons of various kinds and making a pittance in the process.

The old system isn't really what it's cracked up to be.

This becomes readily apparent if you actually bother to seek out the talent and listen to them.

We stick around on that post for our funniest comment of the week. David Gerard provided a pretty brilliant parody of Lanier-esque rhetoric:

Jaron Lanier: Why people should pay more attention to me and not Web 2.0

When I noticed myself getting mean online I thought, “Something has gone terribly wrong.” It was obvious the rest of the ARPAnet had a social problem, not just me being some sort of asshole.

My book You Are Not A Gadget: A Manifesto is ruffling virtual feathers across the ARPAnet. And so it should, because I invented virtual reality. Wikipedia, which is a tissue of lies, says so. Prospect magazine’s Top 100 Public Intellectuals Poll lists me. Also, my hair is much better than yours. And I’m fifty. According to Wikipedia, so I’d better change my birthday.

Today, the web is a bland place. It’s all user-generated content — silly clips on YouTube, spiteful anonymous comments on blogs about my books, endless photographs of people at a bar with their friends or up a mountain with an ironing board. It was much better back in the early days of the ARPAnet, before we let the commercial users on. These words will mostly be read by numb mobs composed of people who are no longer acting as individuals. You know, the peasants. Virtual reality is far more ennobling, but you never hear people talking about that any more.

The ARPAnet only creates banal mashups of old culture. Salvagers picking over a garbage dump. Only the old-world economy of books, films and newspapers creates original content like Lawnmower Man or Battlefield Earth. Everyone knows that real artists have no influences. This stuff the kids are into these days is just noise!

The ARPAnet is also killing music, according to my good friends at the RIAA. Did you know there’s no music in Spain any more? It’s true!

Will we — meaning I — be able to live off our brains in the future, or will we just have to give our creative works away for free? If we can’t live off our brains then we’ll need a form of SOCIALISM just to survive. WIKIPEDIA IS COMMUNISM! Until the Wikipedia Corporation finally builds a good interface, for goggles and power-gloves.

Open source and open content are a cancer. The dogma I object to is composed of a set of interlocking beliefs and doesn’t have a generally accepted overarching name as yet, so I’m going to call it Digital MAOISM, which is COMMUNISM. Update, five years later: Here is a detailed retcon explanation of why I was not just trolling for headlines by calling Wikipedia COMMUNISM, but was speaking precisely and you just weren’t thinking hard enough: [snip 10,000 words]

Also, you should get into virtual reality more.

(You Are Not A Gadget: A Manifesto is published on papyrus scroll and hand-illustrated by monks. You cannot have a copy until you have fought your way up the mountain and proven yourself worthy.)

http://newstechnica.com/2010/02/27/jaron-lanier-why-people-should-pay-more-attention-to- me-and-not-web-2-0/

And in second place, we've got a comment on our post about the removal of a bunch of Warner Bros titles from Netflix. Khaim explained why we should take it easy on the Bros:

To be fair to Warner Bros, Netflix's business model of "provide a useful product at a reasonable price" is incredibly harmful to their profits.

For editor's choice on the funny side we remain in Hollywood, this time with the news that Universal responded to a lawsuit about underpayment by saying it actually overpaid. Or, as an anonymous commenter put it:

Universal: We COULD have pulled even more accounting tricks to pay you even less, so we actually overpaid you.

And finally, we return to our post about silly cable threats from CBS. This comment actually got lots of insightful votes and almost no funny ones, and while it is indeed insightful, it also made me laugh the moment I read it, so here it is as the final editor's choice for funny:

Go ahead, CBS. Give the people back its spectrum. That'll teach 'em.

That's all for this week! See you tomorrow.



Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1. This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
     
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    out_of_the_blue, May 5th, 2013 @ 1:52pm

    Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130430/22361622903/warner-bros-mgm-universal-collectively-pull-ne arly-2000-films-netflix-to-further-fragment-online-movie-market.shtml#c838

    out_of_the_blue, May 2nd, 2013 @ 11:08am

    MISTAKEN MIKE'S MASSIVE FAIL:

    In which I point out that Mike's source states Warner Brothers was not even involved! The ankle-biters didn't read up, either, just go nuts yapping about WB! And rather than correct even his title, Mike just lets the error stand!

    But this one answering rabid fanboys is FUNNY in two different ways:
    http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130430/22361622903/warner-bros-mgm-universal-collectively- pull-nearly-2000-films-netflix-to-further-fragment-online-movie-market.shtml#c1251


    99. This comment has been flagged by the community. Click to show the comment.

    Anonymous Coward, May 2nd, 2013 @ 11:52am

    Re: Re: MISTAKEN MIKE'S MASSIVE FAIL:
    And of course ootb's truth gets censored here on the zoo board. Typical.



    First, the obvious: the fanboy ankle-biters aren't interested that Mike flopped, only in personal attacks on anyone pointing that out.

    2nd, it's such a mild comment, why should it be flagged?

    Now, as a short AC comment, though we MIGHT guess that it's one of the regular ACs, exactly how do the fanboys KNOW to click their precious "report" button to suppress THAT one? Hmm? I've seen numerous times where a completely innocuous comment, nothing near nasty as the fanboys are in response to me, is flagged, and so I must conclude that Mike is doing it, using his certain knowledge of IP and other items.


    Take a loopy tour of Techdirt.com! You always end up same place!
    http://techdirt.com/
    Where the fanboys troll the site with vulgar ad hom, and call anyone disagreeing "trolls"!
    09:52:06[k-705-6]

     

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  2.  
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    Rikuo (profile), May 5th, 2013 @ 2:01pm

    Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    Yes. Mike Masnick takes time out of his busy schedule writing articles, travelling, managing his company and raising a family...to go looking for comments you've written and hide them.

    You have officially hit rock bottom in your paranoia. Before, it was kinda hidden, but now it's laid bare for all to see. I implore you, seek professional psychiatric help, immediately. What you're doing is not healthy.

    Mike Masnick is not out to get you. You mean nothing to him. It is the readers who are hiding your comments, and your writing style is very distinctive. That is how your innocuous comments are recognized.

     

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  3. This comment has been flagged by the community. Click here to show it
     
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    out_of_the_blue, May 5th, 2013 @ 2:19pm

    Re: Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    Yeah, Masnick is so busy that after 15 years, he still hasn't found time to decide what should be done about copyright:

    http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130121/14473121743/global-hackathons-prepared-to-carry-forwar d-work-aaron-swartz.shtml#c377

    Where Mike sez:
    I think that the current system is broken and does not promote the progress, as it should do. I think that I don't know what the *proper* solution is, and I don't think anyone does, because we simply don't have enough data or experience to know. We know what doesn't work, but we don't know what might work better. That's why I've always encouraged more exploration and the ability to experiment.

    This will upset you, of course, because it's not a hard and fast position of "copyright must be x."


    Man, he doesn't even pretend to know where he's going! And that's your guru, kid?

     

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  4.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 5th, 2013 @ 2:46pm

    Re: Re: Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    Since when is it Mike's job to fix copyright? That isn't a part of his business. Would you like to pay him to fix it? I'm sure that would be awesome, but then you wouldn't have anything to bitch and moan about like the little weasel you are. Keep it classy, OotB. Well, as classy as you can manage.

     

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  5.  
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    Killercool (profile), May 5th, 2013 @ 5:32pm

    Re: Re: Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    Person_with_Eyes: Look out, the bridge is out! Don't go that way!

    OOTB: How do you know? Are you a bridge builder? Are you an engineer?

    PwE: N-no? Look at it, it's falling apart...

    OOTB: Until you are capable of repairing a bridge, I won't listen to you about how unsafe a bridge is.

    PwE: Wait, you're not making sense! Just because I can't fix a thing myself doesn't mean I can't tell it's stupid and self-destructive to keep going that way! Stop, fellow! You're going to hurt someone! Probably yourself!

    OOTB: La la la la, if i can't see you, you're not there. If I can't hear you, you're not saying anything.
    *falls through gaping hole in copyri-erm-bridge*
    WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME?!

     

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  6.  
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    Arthur Treacher, May 5th, 2013 @ 5:45pm

    Two Out of the Blues?

    I think this is OOTB1, the propagandist and obvious shill. OOTB2 is merely a loose nut, who violently advocates a "I owe it because I SWEATED LITERAL BLOOD to create, now get offen my lawn!" position for "intellectual property".

    Because 2 OOTBs exist (albeit possibly in the same body) any attempt to make sense of OOTB1's output i the context of OOTB2 or vice versa is doomed to failure.

    I don't think either OOTB has legal education. Neither one uses legalistic concepts or splits hairs in a legalistic fashion. Unlike Average Joe (R.I.P.) or that really vicious anonymous coward.

     

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  7.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 5th, 2013 @ 6:19pm

    No Iced Tea

    This what I am most proud of about the USA, USA, USA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUGzU-G7AHo

     

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  8.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 5th, 2013 @ 6:29pm

    Re: Two Out of the Blues?

    Sometimes I wonder if out_of_the_lube ever even had education, period.

     

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  9.  
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    That One Guy (profile), May 5th, 2013 @ 11:12pm

    Re: Re: Re: Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    The only thing that scene had missing was the accusation of PwE being a 'broken bridge apologist' as Blue plummets out of sight, as obviously pointing out that something is broken is the same thing as defending it.

     

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  10.  
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    Ignis (profile), May 6th, 2013 @ 2:56am

    Re: Re: Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    So you'd rather hear him say "everyone calm down and watch as I push this magic button to stop all the problems caused by the broken copyright system" with confidence?

    The closest thing to having a magic button that makes all the problems caused by copyright vanish is abolition of the system. Unless that is what you're secretly advocating?

     

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  11.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 6th, 2013 @ 3:56am

    This first quote does serve to highlight that there is a problem here at this site (for some) with unexplained acronyms. It is good journalistic practice to introduce the name in full first and then move on to acronyms.
    A lot of the stories here are rather laden with them.

     

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  12.  
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    Ninja (profile), May 6th, 2013 @ 3:57am

    Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    Freetards, all using the bridges for free! Think about the engineers that built it!

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  13.  
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    Anonymous Coward, May 6th, 2013 @ 4:41am

    Re: Re: Re: Re: Wrong as usual. FUNNIEST is (not coincidentally):

    If "funniest comment of the week" meant "comment most likely to have been posted by a retarded puppy" out_of_the_lube would win every single week.

    The only problem would be you'd have to repost most, if not all of what that jackass types.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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