Even The Sex At The Olympics Is Sponsored

from the don't-f**k-without-the-official-olympic-rubber dept

We've had plenty of stories about the insane lengths the Olympics goes to in order to block out any appearance of a non-sponsor brand, including taping over the brands of non-sponsors on bathroom fixtures and urinals. And, apparently, the Olympics obsession with deleting all non-sponsorship brands extends almost to the point of contact when athletes decide to get down and dirty with each other.

Every couple years, when the Olympics roll around, there are stories like this one, about the volume of sexual activity in the Olympic Village among the athletes. And, if we go by condom count, the volume keeps on growing:
At the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, the Australian organizing committee distributed 45,000 free condoms in the village. Eight years later in Beijing, 70,000 condoms—labeled with the phrase ‘Faster, Higher, Stronger’—were exhausted and 20,000 more were ordered. This year in London, the Olympic organizing committee is providing 150,000, using special dispensers which contain a message promoting sexual health. Averaged among 10,490 athletes, that’s enough condoms for every athlete to have sex 15 times over the Olympics’ three weeks
And, of course, the Olympics found a sponsor to pay up for the privilege of being where the rubber meets the... well, you know. Durex is the official condom of the games. But... uh oh, call in the brand police! BMX cyclist Caroline Buchanan tweeted a photo of free condoms available in the Olympic Village which (*gasp*!) were not made by Durex!
And, indeed, the response from the Olympics was swift, as they began an investigation into this illicit behavior, because just think of all the problems if these athletes had sex with a non-sponsored condom! That cannot be allowed at all.


Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1.  
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    Zakida Paul (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:33am

    Oh Dear

    Olympic spirit, my arse.

     

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  2.  
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    Dark Helmet (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:34am

    Memo:

    "Averaged among 10,490 athletes, that’s enough condoms for every athlete to have sex 15 times over the Olympics’ three weeks"

    Note to self: Become an Olympic athlete....

     

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  3.  
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    Jay (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:40am

    Sex in the Olympics…

    I have to wonder: do you still get a gold medal if you come in first?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  4.  
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    Prashanth (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:41am

    Dear Olympics

    Dear Olympics,
    F**k you (with a birth control method officially sponsored by the Olympics)!
    Sincerely, Prashanth.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  5.  
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    Dark Helmet (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:41am

    Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    Bravo! Extremely well done. This had damn well better show up on the Sunday list....

     

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  6.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:42am

    sounds to me like all those hard nosed twats on the various Olympic Committees want real good fucks stuck into them!!

     

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  7.  
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    Lord Binky, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:42am

    It must have been a health issue. Durex must have used a proprietary olympian blend that was sure to keep even a gold medalist safe, anything less could just break, and you know what happens when we have superhuman olympic babies right?

     

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  8.  
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    Lord Binky, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:46am

    Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    Golf scoring? Lowest score= winner?

     

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  9.  
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    Aaron deOliveira, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:47am

    Re: Memo:

    4+ years of work to have sex 15 times?

    Assuming Olympic athletes have sex more than just at the games, it would seem far easier just to ask the Olympic athletes themselves. You would only need a 0.3% success rate to reach 15 times.

     

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  10.  
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    Divide by Zero (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:52am

    Clearly the IOC are just pissy that they aren't getting any themselves.

     

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  11.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:58am

    What's an Olympics?

    Sorry, but I developed advertising-blindness (caused by severe over-exposure) years ago.

     

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  12.  
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    Dark Helmet (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 10:58am

    Re: Re: Memo:

    I like the way you think, sir....

    *Dials Logan Tom immediately*

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  13.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:00am

    This really has the reached the level of utter absurdity.

    I remember reading Stranger in a Strange Land and Heinlein prefaced his chapters with these absurd little world news briefs that you would never take seriously, then. Now, having just reread it they seem not only believable but somewhat tame.

     

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  14.  
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    Digitari, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:00am

    Rubber to the road

    So this is how one covers an (I)ntellectual (P)hallacy

     

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  15.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:00am

    Only 15 times over 21 days?

    Not nearly enough. Don't know about the rest of you but I can hit it three times a day.

    Four if she's good looking.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  16.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:19am

    Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    I have to wonder: do you still get a gold medal if you come in first?

    I came here in search of something I did not know... and found you.

    Seriously though, if I can convey the context well enough, the wife will love that one.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  17.  
    identicon
    Jake, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:20am

    ............................................________........................
    ...................... ..............,.-‘”...................``~.,..................
    .............................,.-”.... ...............................“-.,............
    .........................,/........................ .......................”:,........
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    ................./......................................................,:`^`..}....
    ..... ........../...................................................,:”........./.....
    ..............?... ..__.........................................:`.........../.....
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    .........../(_....”~,_........“~,_.................. ..,:`........_/...........
    ..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}......... ..
    ...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../............
    ...,,,___.\`~,. .....“~.,....................`.....}............../.............
    ............(....`=-,,.......`.... ....................(......;_,,-”...............
    ............/.`~,......`-......................... ......\....../\...................
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    ,,_..........}.>-._\...................................|..............`=~-,... .
    .....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\........................
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    .............................. ..`:,,...........................`\..............__..
    .....................................`=-,.... ...............,%`>--==``.......
    ........................................_\..........._,-%...... .`\...............
    ...................................,

     

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  18.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:24am

    Re:

    Too true. Its gotten so bad it *hurts to grok.

    Is there an official sponsor who can help with that?

     

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  19.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:26am

    Re:

    Is that the alien from Enemy Mine?
    Gldldldldldldldldldldlddlr

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  20.  
    identicon
    Jasmine Charter, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:27am

    One word...

    PSYCHOS!

    As I've stated before... the Olympics are a farce. It's a money making scheme by the draconian Olympic committee and nothing more.

    I'm actually surprised that it seems to be as popular with TV viewers this year... but then again... Reality TV vs Olympics... I guess Olympics win...

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  21.  
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    BentFranklin (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:40am

    Re:

    ASCII art fail. Try again with (1) all lines same length (2) in a code block for fixed width font (3) use preview button.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  22.  
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    ira levine, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:48am

    olimpec condoms

    Keep in mind there are only about 5200 couples, meaning 30, link ups.

     

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  23.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 11:56am

    Re: Re: Memo:

    Still 14 times more per 4 years than the average /. reader.

     

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  24.  
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    Tunnen (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 12:07pm

    Re: Re:

    ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) Why you no use preview! =P

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  25.  
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    weneedhelp (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 12:24pm

    I can see it now

    A new branch of the Olympic IP police... the penis police.

    What a bunch of dicks.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  26.  
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    MikeC (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 12:29pm

    Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    Only if she does ..... and don't forget your scores are tallied for execution as well as technical merit, plus style. Wonder if there is a group of required skills that must be demonstrated.

     

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  27.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 12:30pm

    Ahh now I get it: The olympics is not about sports. Choose whatever you like as long as you can qualify.

    It is a dating service sponsored by Durex. Are we gonna get TV-footage from it in the future as a new reality-show? I think Durex has hit a really good concept here: Free condoms and then film the use with hidden cameras! I can see why they do not want competition in this sport.

     

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  28.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 12:37pm

    Just when I thought that the games that shall not be named cannot become more of a farce. Of course they can.

     

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  29.  
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    Killer_Tofu (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 12:38pm

    Men At Work

    The remaining members of the band Men At Work should get together with Kangaroo Condoms and make the parody song "Gland Down Under".


    (to a musical tune) 'Do you come from a gland down under?'

    I am sure they could also work the group name of Men at Work into the parody there somewhere. I am sure once explored, the possibilities here would be very forthcumming.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  30.  
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    Jay (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 12:47pm

    Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    That's only if you have the Blue shell condoms

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  31.  
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    Tunnen (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 1:16pm

    Re: Men At Work

    This reminded me of that joke about an Australian Kiss, it's like a French Kiss, but down under. =P

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  32.  
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    Oblate (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 1:43pm

    Re: I can see it now

    IP Police... Improper Penetration?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  33.  
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    Oblate (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 1:46pm

    Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    The real question is how many Bronze medals were awarded?

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  34.  
    identicon
    Oblate, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 1:48pm

    Re: Only 15 times over 21 days?

    Four if she's good looking.

    Or if the magazine is new...

     

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  35.  
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    Anonymous Coward, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 2:32pm

    Durex putting the O in Olympics.

    Stay classy rofl.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  36.  
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    MikeC (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 3:47pm

    Re: Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    You sure getting a bronze would be all that bad??

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  37.  
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    MikeC (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 3:48pm

    Re: Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    You sure getting a bronze would be all that bad?? Or does that mean you are third across the line??

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  38.  
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    FuzzyDuck, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 4:21pm

    Re: Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    You're assuming that sex can only be between two people.... those of us who have been on the Internet for a while know it ain't so. ;)

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  39.  
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    Pseudonym, Aug 8th, 2012 @ 5:39pm

    Re: Memo:

    You should be aware that among the athletes, taking as many condoms as you can is a tradition. The vast majority don't get used in the village.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  40.  
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    orbitalinsertion (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 7:14pm

    Re: Re:

    Picard facepalm of animated GIF fame.

    Yeah, it took me a minute.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  41.  
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    orbitalinsertion (profile), Aug 8th, 2012 @ 7:19pm

    Re: Men At Work

    I'm glad you mentioned it because WTF "gland down under"? It's a bit of a stretch. (Ba dum dum.) The gland involved isn't the penis, which is not a gland. Unless glans was meant, but this is still bio-fail 101.

    They should be able to provide their condoms and badvertising anywhere they like, though.

     

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  42.  
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    Ninja (profile), Aug 9th, 2012 @ 3:37am

    Re: Re: Memo:

    Healthy, built up bodies are enough to get you laid everyday any day. So uh.. I'll join his effort o/

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  43.  
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    Ninja (profile), Aug 9th, 2012 @ 3:39am

    Re: Sex in the Olympics…

    If u think about it, you got gold on the day of your conception =D

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  44.  
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    Ninja (profile), Aug 9th, 2012 @ 3:40am

    Hmmm. Sponsored sex. Yes, I've done that before with a prostitute =D

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  45.  
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    Michael Long (profile), Aug 9th, 2012 @ 12:57pm

    Re: Oh Dear

    Olympic spirits probably contribute, yes.

    Seriously, of course this needs to be investigated! Let just non-paid sponsor get away with it, and pretty soon the entire Olympic Committee might have to actually work for a living.

    Slippery slope, and all that...

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  46.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Aug 9th, 2012 @ 2:55pm

    Re:

    Was it Belle/Hannah? (You know, what with the Olympics being held in London...)

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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