Translating Chris Dodd's Sanctimonious Bluster On Internet Protests Into English

from the thank-us-later,-chris dept

Following the MPAA's "statement" concerning today's internet blackout, Kevin Marks offered up a useful translation for us to post.
WASHINGTON--The following is a statement by Senator Chris Dodd, Chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America, Inc. (MPAA) on the so-called “Blackout Day” protesting anti-piracy legislation:

Senator and CEO - let's lead with the revolving door promises to politicians

“Only days after the White House and chief sponsors of the legislation responded to the major concern expressed by opponents and then called for all parties to work cooperatively together,

Why are my former colleagues listening to their constituents about legislation? Don't they stay bought?

some technology business interests are resorting to stunts that punish their users or turn them into their corporate pawns, rather than coming to the table to find solutions to a problem that all now seem to agree is very real and damaging.

Maybe if we keep saying copyright infringement is a real problem without evidence, they'll believe it.

It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services.

How dare they edit their sites unless we force them to under penalty of perjury and felony convictions?

It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today.

Tomorrow was supposed to be different, that's why we bought this legislation.

It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users in order to further their corporate interests.

Being the gateways and skewing the facts is our job, dammit.

A so-called “blackout” is yet another gimmick, albeit a dangerous one, designed to punish elected and administration officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign criminals.

I am high as a kite

It is our hope that the White House and the Congress will call on those who intend to stage this “blackout” to stop the hyperbole and PR stunts and engage in meaningful efforts to combat piracy.”

What have the Romans done for us? Apart from instantaneous global communications, digital audio and video editing, the DVD, Blu-ray, Digital projection, movie playback devices in everyone's pockets and handbags...



Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:12am

    Ah, Chris Dodd, the man who helped slay Glass-Steagall. How'd that work out? Oh and Chris? 2008 says "hi," by the way. You never call.

     

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    iamtheky (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:15am

    hyperbole and PR stunts and engage in meaningful efforts to combat piracy.

    Because 'piracy' isnt a hyperbolic term? And we can engage in a meaningful conversation when they gain a meaningful understanding of the technology in play.

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:15am

    Shillish and Corporatese are probably easier languages to pick up than most, though only the truly mentally vapid ever master it.

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Adam V, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:15am

    I should point out for the sarcasm-challenged that saying "I am high as a kite" in a line-by-line breakdown of PR-speak goes back to Mark Pilgrim (whose site seems to be down) and John Gruber.

     

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    ArkahnX (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:18am

    That was great. But really, they get so worked up when anyone who isn't in their tight circle of people who donate money to them tries to stand up for themselves, and call them all sorts of names, but are in absolute denial when the names they call others are thrown right back at them, with evidence! I sincerely hope that the internet can continue to push back after these bills and maybe even remove more idiotic restrictions that have been placed by these legacy players.

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:22am

    "some technology business interests are resorting to stunts that punish their users or turn them into their corporate pawns, rather than coming to the table to find solutions to a problem that all now seem to agree is very real and damaging."

    Some industry business interests are resorting to stunts that buy politicians and turn them into their corporate pawns that insist on hastily passing a one sided bill after only allowing mostly corporate interests a voice in congress rather than coming to the table to find solutions to a (non) problem that (not) all now seem to agree is very real and damaging.

     

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    •  
      icon
      Chosen Reject (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:55am

      Re:

      This is the line that bothers me the most. Listen to what he's really saying here:
      Only days after the White House ... called for all parties to work cooperatively together, some technology business interests are [asking their users to contact their representatives], rather than coming to the table to find solutions...
      Right after he admits that the White House called for all parties to work together, he then complains that the technology companies are asking the public to be a part of that. Instead he only wants companies to work together. It is really appalling that he's miffed that the public is being asked to be engaged, even though the White House asked for "all parties". It shows how he really feels about the public. We aren't a party to him. We aren't even to be considered. We're just cogs in the machine to him, wallets that need to be opened, bank accounts that need to be withdrawn from.

      Chris Dodd, screw you and go DIAF.

       

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:10am

        Re: Re:

        This part is also interesting.

        "It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services."

        The assumption is that users are somehow entitled to their services and so denying them their services is a disservice. No one is entitled to their services.

         

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:20am

        Re: Re:

        "It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."

        So these corporations aren't supposed to exercise their freedoms (and hence they're supposed to have no freedoms).

        Only big govt established monopolist corporations can have and abuse their freedoms, influence, and money by being permitted to contribute as much as they like to political ads under free speech pretexts. The moment someone challenges the govt established monopolists these free speech arguments don't apply. The corporations are people too argument only applies when it favors us.

        "designed to punish elected and administration officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign criminals. "

        So exercising our free speech and protesting a bill is punishing elected officials now? We're supposed to simply allow congress to pass whatever bill it likes with no resistance no matter how much we disagree with the bill, otherwise we're somehow punishing them?

        When they signed up for this job this is what they signed up for. It's their job to consider criticisms and protests against various bills so that they can better represent their constituents. What, is that too much work or something? If you don't like it, find another job. Oh, those jobs might suck too? Work sucks, I know, but the rest of us have to work too. and dealing with protests and considering them when drafting legislation is part of your job.

         

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:15pm

        Re: Re:

        Chris is full of it. Almost 90% of what people interpret as "a real issue" is something they need to see on their local TV News channel or read in the paper. This issue has almost been totally off the radar untill just recently (with the exception of the internet of course).

        For a pious Chris to claim that this has bee an open forum is disgusting. Then he goes as far to say the public consists of a bunch of mindless drones following the orders of their corporate masters.. Insulting!!! ITS STILL WE THE PEOPLE... RIGHT CHRIS!!!!! YOU SMUG LITTLE NEOPHYTE!

         

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  •  
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    crade (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:24am

    "It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."
    I think this statement is more telling as it stands than the translation..

    An abuse of power my ass. Any power that comes from putting messages on their websites or taking down their website comes by way of their own honest efforts being appreciated by people and is theirs by right to do with as they wish. What right have you got to tell them what to do with their sites, services and assets?

    Also, I seem to recall the oscars and other awards shows spouting off your own messages on these subjects in the past, to a much lesser effect of course since you are known for being corrupt and because you are pushing legislation when you should be working. WTF.

     

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    •  
      identicon
      Ben, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:12am

      Re:

      I love how he's saying these companies should not have freedom. Wait... they have freedom and you seem to think they should not? Right, Mr. Dodd. Last I checked, of the sites I saw today who put up notices, every company is a business, not a government entity. They have every right to do what they want with their website as far as I know. Dodd is a moron and I'm shocked he managed to get into office.

       

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:32am

        Re: Re:

        "Dodd is a moron and I'm shocked he managed to get into office."

        That's easy. He was elected by moronic sheep who voted the way the mainstream traditional media told them to.

         

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      DH's Love Child (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:53pm

      Re:

      Actually any power these companies have is given to them by the people who purchase and/or use their products and services. Dodd is just pissed that Wikipedia going black will be noticed by more people than mpaa.org going black.

       

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      •  
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        crade (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 1:30pm

        Re: Re:

        It is certainly possible for companies to get power in other ways (by getting laws passed to ensure they get money, fraudulent practices, or by shooting someone and taking their money for example),
        but you can't use that sort of power by withholding your service.

         

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  •  
    icon
    :Lobo Santo (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:27am

    Honest Politician

    How's that old saw go...
    "What'd'ya call an honest politician? One that stays bought once you buy 'im."

     

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    •  
      icon
      TheBigH (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:25am

      Re: Honest Politician

      The content gatekeepers feel that, once they shovel over some "campaign contributions", the politicians they bought will belong to them forever. What a pity they don't feel the same way about the music and movies we buy.

       

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      identicon
      Gary, Jan 19th, 2012 @ 11:37am

      Re: Honest Politician

      Sounds like Will Rogers.

       

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  •  
    identicon
    Mel, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:27am

    "I'm high as a kite"..

    Haaaa!

    Typically guilty people accuse everyone else of doing what they are doing. The shock that everyone is seeing right through them is getting comical to watch.

     

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  •  
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    DannyB (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:27am

    Dangerous and troubling

    > It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the
    > platforms that serve as gateways to information
    > intentionally skew the facts to incite their users
    > in order to further their corporate interests.


    1. But it's okay if major news organizations, which are also platforms and gateways to information, owned by the proponents of SOPA, don't say a peep about this travesty until a public uprising makes it impossible to ignore.

    2. How dare other corporate interests encourage, er I meant incite, their users to exercise their voice. What do they think this is -- a democracy of something?

    3. Corporations exercising their voice to further their corporate interests -- how dare they! Next they'll be thinking that *their* corporations should have the rights of people, just as *our* corporations do.


    Maybe the people will start to distrust traditional media somewhat and start looking for more on the dreaded Internet. (horrors!)

     

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      :Lobo Santo (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:34am

      Re: Dangerous and troubling

      ...and that's why those in power fear the internet, it could be a gateway to true democratization of power; as opposed to the faux democratization of power we've had up to now.

       

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:42am

    Free speech is only acceptable as long as it can't have an impact against govt established monopolists.

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Ron, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:50am

    ?

    Where are all the trolls today?

     

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    •  
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      crade (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:52am

      Re: ?

      They are protesting in support of SOPA by witholding their services :)

       

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    •  
      identicon
      Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:52am

      Re: ?

      In there dark holes hiding. They know they would be relentlessly attacked if they said anything.

       

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    •  
      identicon
      Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:57am

      Re: ?

      They have nothing left to regurgitate. Their arguments have been thoroughly debunked. All they have left is to try to pretend that this is either just some stunt pulled off by some vocal minority or that it is Google manipulating people.

      Basically, they are trying to play down the implications of the blackout. Something that's kinda hard to do when you already have a co-sponsor of the bill bailing out in face of this opposition.

       

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      •  
        identicon
        rubberpants, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:24am

        Re: Re: ?

        Never underestimate the power of trolling. You see, now some of the lines are:

        1. Encouraging people to contact their elected officials is "bullying"
        2. Since some objectionable sections have been removed from the bills, anyone who still doesn't support them isn't interested in "compromise"
        3. Taking down your own website is "an abuse of power."

         

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        •  
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          TheBigH (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:28am

          Re: Re: Re: ?

          You forgot

          4. Taking your business away from a company that supports things you don't like is a violation of the company's right of free speech.

           

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    •  
      identicon
      Ron, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:42am

      Re: ?

      Something is keeping them busy. I need a little bit of trolling sometimes. They make me laugh. Can anyone do some trolling for me? Or is it too difficult to be so absurd?

       

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:39pm

        Re: Re: ?

        I think Dodd's statement up there in the article fits the full-on trolling bill.

        Ticked all the boxes on the trolling checklist.

         

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    •  
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      crade (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:07pm

      Re: ?

      or maybe they got the day off since a bunch of the places they are supposed to troll are down today. They didn't want to pay them full salary for only trolling have the sites.

       

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  •  
    icon
    saulgoode (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 10:55am

    I wonder if Mr Dobb's criticism of the blackout would've been so vehement had it been in support of the bills.

     

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    •  
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      crade (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:00am

      Re:

      His "critism" is really telling to me.. It basically says that their efforts to influence legislation aren't driven by ignorance but actual malicious dishonesty. It is painfully obvious from their actions in the past that he doesn't believe a single word of what he says in this statement. They have been blatently trying to use their own "power" to influence people towards their own political views on this subject as much as they can. Now suddenly it's wrong? Common, how stupid do you think we are?

       

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:59am

        Re: Re:

        "It basically says that their efforts to influence legislation aren't driven by ignorance but actual malicious dishonesty."

        Be careful what you say, I have heard repeatedly over the years that there is a difference between malicious dishonesty and wilful ignorance.
        More than that, apparently making claims of fact about things that you have no evidence for doesn't even count as either of those but is considered a valid viewpoint.

        However I agree with you, people who make strong claims without having any evidence to support those claims are indeed lying.

         

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        •  
          icon
          crade (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:17pm

          Re: Re: Re:

          I don't mean just that he doesn't have evidence, in this case he provides us with pretty plain evidence that even he doesn't beleive what he is saying. He is condemning the protest for being "Don't Copy That Floppy" or for being an anti-piracy speech at the oscars. It's blatently obvious, to me at least, that he must be either lying that he believes it is wrong today, or lying that he believes it isn't wrong when he does it.

           

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:02am

    High as a kite

    Please don't badmouth recreational drug users by comparing them to our elected representatives.

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:05am

     

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    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:08am

    "It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."

    Google can do what it wants with its private property. If they choose to use their private property to protest bad legislation then I'm all for it.

    One problem with IP extremists is that they don't respect property rights unless it's to their benefit.

     

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    •  
      identicon
      Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:10am

      Re:

      One could simply point to Rupert Murdoch...

       

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:01pm

        Re: Re:

        Yeah, he put some website of his out of reach of people to make some kind of point about something, but as it's been gone so long, I can't remember what the site was. Some kind of web version of a newspaper I think.

         

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      •  
        identicon
        Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:42pm

        Re: Re:

        Oh, the guy who bought the predecessor/competitor to Facebook for 500 some million bucks just to see it languish in the bowl for several years then finally get flushed?

        Yeah, I'm gonna listen to *that* guy.

         

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:22am

    I particularly love this line...
    --------------
    It is our hope that the White House and the Congress will call on those who intend to stage this “blackout” to stop the hyperbole and PR stunts and engage in meaningful efforts to combat piracy.”
    --------------

    Part of the whole trouble with making bills is closed door sessions where anyone outside the vested interests are not invited to input. It results in this 'no one wants this but us' problem. After all the vested interests didn't pay the internet, only the law makers it wanted to influence.

    Maybe that's the source of the problem with engaging.

     

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    gorehound (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 11:31am

    Chris Dodd is an Asshole !!! And a Liar of the first order.

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:00pm

    Downloaded the Protect IP bill and read it.



    Calendar No. 70
    112TH CONGRESS
    1ST SESSION S. 968
    To prevent online threats to economic creativity and theft of intellectual
    property, and for other purposes.

    Can anyone tell me what "economic creativity" is?
    How about "and for other porposes"?

    I then read through the rest of the 63 pages of text. (31 of them lined out)

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 12:06pm

    old fat bastards have no idea what they are doing..............soooooooooooooo frustrating!

     

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  •  
    identicon
    AnonymousCoward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 1:06pm

    revolving door?

    I think that the "revolving door" nomenclature for the jumping between regulatory positions and private firms is a little 2005ish. It seems more like a giant 3-car overhead door now. Hell. That's not even right. It's more like a duplex where they've knocked out the separating wall.

     

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  •  
    identicon
    eas, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 2:37pm

    You missed one:

    or turn them into their corporate pawns


    Because, well, that's Dodd's job, to be a highly paid corporate pawn. How's he going to make bank selling himself if other people are willing to give it away for free?

     

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  •  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jan 18th, 2012 @ 3:31pm

    Chris Dodd: "It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today."

    Translation: "Do not mess with my new job or else, stop lobbying it for free you are stealing ma money"

     

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    •  
      icon
      TtfnJohn (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 7:57pm

      Re:

      Chris Dodd: "I thought I wanted to say something under my own name today than repeat myself once again as an Anonymous Coward troll on Techdirt"

      Translation: "Old habits are hard to get out of cause you didn't say anything new or sensible. Again."

       

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  •  
    icon
    Makoto (profile), Jan 18th, 2012 @ 7:46pm

    Hyperbole?

    The MPAA and supporters of this bill have said more hyperbole than we could possibly shake a stick at. The only difference: our hyperbole has actual evidence backing it up; yours doesn't.

    Maybe it's time you were fired from your day job, Senator...

     

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