Don't Forget To Read The New Disclaimer For The Internet
from the be-careful dept
Yesterday, Rob Hyndman noticed an impressive disclaimer for a rock preserve, noting that he wanted to include similar language in future contracts. Lawyer David Canton couldn't resist and used the disclaimer as a model for a wonderful new disclaimer for the internet that we agree should be a must read for all internet users:
Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs. The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP’s or other features, natural or otherwise.In related news, we have finally updated our poll, thanks to a suggestion from Barry Lefsky for a new poll topic: Which Internet Concern Worries You The Most?
Reader Comments (rss)
(Flattened / Threaded)
too funny by LOL on May 5th, 2006 @ 7:28pm
That about takes care of all complaints. Now just remind people that some parts of the internet are nature preserves and not to disturb what they find there.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by Anonymous Coward on May 5th, 2006 @ 7:37pm
It seems to me that many ISP's DO attempt (claim to attempt) to protect you as an "added value" option.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
To put things in perspective... by Howard Lee Harkness on May 5th, 2006 @ 8:19pm
...we all live on the thin interface between molten rock and hard vacuum. And we worry about safety on the internet.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by j on May 5th, 2006 @ 10:04pm
What's the internet?
=) just kiddin'! Everyone have a great day!
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by derfaust on May 5th, 2006 @ 10:18pm
it is one of those nets the you inter.....
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Re: by Anonymous Coward on May 5th, 2006 @ 10:19pm
lol....
it is one of those nets that you inter.....
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Owned by Owned on May 5th, 2006 @ 10:50pm
Owned!!!1
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
pwned by pwned on May 5th, 2006 @ 11:14pm
You mean pwned!
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Mandatory by TheDude on May 6th, 2006 @ 12:00am
All ISP's should make all users sign this!
It would make bitching about the internet impossible.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
I hate Verizon. by Complain on May 6th, 2006 @ 2:04am
For real. I wish I didnt have to go through Verizon. They are nosy.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
no no no by chris on May 6th, 2006 @ 2:27am
the internet is the webbing that is in mens swim suits.. I know, I have some..
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by Anonymous Coward on May 6th, 2006 @ 9:44am
i like bikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Caveat Emptor by Charles-A. Rovira on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:31am
That was a long winded way of saying some thing that was summed up in two words.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
You forgot a few dangers... by Scott on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:36am
You forgot to mention the child molesters, scam artists, porn at every turn, and disturbing videos of people getting hurt and killed. Not to mention unspeakable sights such as goatse - that is, a man's hyper-extended anus.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
MPAA by Anonymous Coward v3.2 on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:40am
If the RIAA will make matters worse, then the MPAA will hunt you down, and kill you!
TV has become the enemy, and you can do something about it!
http://www.tvbgone.com
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
A funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so... by Ant on May 6th, 2006 @ 11:14am
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. Known as Hellman's east of the Rockies. Beware of greeks bearing gifts. Beware of gifts bearing greeks. This side up. Don't take any wooden nickels. Don't take candy from strangers. Void where prohibited. Caveat Emptor (Buyer beware) Caveat Vendor (Beware of street people). Donde esta el bano. Beware of DOS. Look both ways before crossing the street. All your base are belong to us. Always wear safety belt. Always wear deodorant. Don't forget to breathe. If you park, don't drink...accidents cause people. This supersedes all previous notices.
This modified disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by rekka on May 6th, 2006 @ 11:26am
They have the internets on computers now? (sorry)
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Cookies by CookieMonster on May 6th, 2006 @ 2:38pm
It doesn't say I can't have a cookie.
I want a cookie.
Cookie!!!
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Ant...the disclaimer forgot something by annodeus on May 6th, 2006 @ 3:06pm
"not tested on animals" "dolphin safe"
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
huh by Craig on May 6th, 2006 @ 4:40pm
That disclaimer is friggen hillarious!
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Re: by kingoftown on May 6th, 2006 @ 4:56pm
>> What's the internet? Download the internet here.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
RE; You forgot a few dangers... by Amnyonic-mous Coward on May 6th, 2006 @ 5:05pm
RE;You forgot a few dangers... by Scott on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:36am
"You forgot to mention the child molesters, scam artists, porn at every turn, and disturbing videos of people getting hurt and killed. Not to mention unspeakable sights such as goatse - that is, a man's hyper-extended anus."
You know Scott, there's a reason you are finding that kind of stuff on the internet.
YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR IT!
Quit going to web sites like "http://rotten.com/" and you will quit finding sh*t like that! geeeze... it's not like that stuff just invades your browser without you typing something into the address bar or a search engine website.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Re: huh by Irrelevant on May 6th, 2006 @ 6:34pm
Just so you know, George Carlin performed the original 'complete disclaimer.' It's even funnier when you hear it out loud.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by big mike on May 6th, 2006 @ 9:42pm
i want a pudding pop
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
What worries me the most by MaryAnne Dodds on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:12pm
What worries me the most is all the people out there that don't update, don't upgrade, don't scan or or do anything about the viruses, spyware and adware they get and forward to the rest of us.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Re: What worries me the most by Technopundit on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:48pm
Don't worry. Be happy.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
cookies by bit on May 6th, 2006 @ 11:01pm
to whoever wanted cookies, this is what you got by clicking here: 6 cookies!
a cookie from:
ads.pointroll
atdmt
doubleclick
mediaplex
questionmarket
techdirt
BTW - these cookies follow you around, dropping crumbs everywhere and sending you junk mail.
Just so ya know.
*Bit*
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Re: To put things in perspective... by shableep on May 7th, 2006 @ 1:47am
... at an even grander scale; we're just grains of life in the scope of the universe. And we worry about when we're gonna die. Pshhhhhh.
I understand what you're going for. But we can't denounce the seemingly petty in spite of its relative insignificance. Yes, respect the storm. But acknowledge the drop that makes it.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
lets get it OOn!! by address holder on May 7th, 2006 @ 6:51am
Not true if earth is flat.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by j on May 7th, 2006 @ 10:27am
At least our computers can't get the bird flu. If it can in the future, do you think they'll come up with enough vaccines in time??!
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Bird flu by world denounced on May 7th, 2006 @ 2:41pm
What about humans getting computer viruses?
impathic pathways permeated upon seizures caused by violent flashings of the radiation tube.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by Anonymous Coward on May 7th, 2006 @ 3:13pm
people need better understanding of computers and the internet. maybe if people started to learn about it there would be less spam, phishing, viruses, adware, spyware, and all that other stuff that haunts internet users. as long as those reach some people they will always be made, but the less the people those reach the less the people will be making them.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
A Resolution by Boris on May 7th, 2006 @ 7:36pm
How about we stop being pussies, get rid of all the ISPs after we violently switch over to socialism, take control of the internet, and issue permanent bans to everyone who clicks here.
Can I get an amen?
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Amen by porthios on May 7th, 2006 @ 7:51pm
"We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP’s or other features, natural or otherwise."
However we do find the time to inspect your personal pc..supervise your history...and treaten your isps to give up all the goodies on who you are..that is all we promise.
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
by me on May 8th, 2006 @ 1:22pm
You are likely to be eaten by a grue
(reply to this comment) (link to this comment)
Add Your Comment