Don't Forget To Read The New Disclaimer For The Internet

from the be-careful dept

Yesterday, Rob Hyndman noticed an impressive disclaimer for a rock preserve, noting that he wanted to include similar language in future contracts. Lawyer David Canton couldn't resist and used the disclaimer as a model for a wonderful new disclaimer for the internet that we agree should be a must read for all internet users:
Business is unpredictable and unsafe. The Internet is dangerous. Many blogs have been written about these dangers, and there's no way we can list them all here. Read the blogs. The Internet is covered in slippery slopes with loose, slippery and unpredictable footing. The RIAA can make matters worse. Patent trolls are everywhere. You may fall, be spammed or suffer a DOS attack. There are hidden viruses and worms. You could break your computer. There is wild code, which may be vicious, poisonous or carriers of dread malware. These include viruses and worms. E-mail can be poisonous as well. We don't do anything to protect you from any of this. We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP’s or other features, natural or otherwise.
In related news, we have finally updated our poll, thanks to a suggestion from Barry Lefsky for a new poll topic: Which Internet Concern Worries You The Most?


Reader Comments (rss)

(Flattened / Threaded)

  1.  
    identicon
    LOL, May 5th, 2006 @ 7:28pm

    too funny

    That about takes care of all complaints. Now just remind people that some parts of the internet are nature preserves and not to disturb what they find there.

     

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  2.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 5th, 2006 @ 7:37pm

    It seems to me that many ISP's DO attempt (claim to attempt) to protect you as an "added value" option.

     

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  3.  
    icon
    Howard Lee Harkness (profile), May 5th, 2006 @ 8:19pm

    To put things in perspective...

    ...we all live on the thin interface between molten rock and hard vacuum. And we worry about safety on the internet.

     

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  4.  
    identicon
    j, May 5th, 2006 @ 10:04pm

    What's the internet?










    =) just kiddin'! Everyone have a great day!

     

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  5.  
    identicon
    derfaust, May 5th, 2006 @ 10:18pm

    it is one of those nets the you inter.....

     

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  6.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 5th, 2006 @ 10:19pm

    Re:

    lol....

    it is one of those nets that you inter.....

     

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  7.  
    identicon
    Owned, May 5th, 2006 @ 10:50pm

    Owned

    Owned!!!1

     

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  8.  
    identicon
    pwned, May 5th, 2006 @ 11:14pm

    pwned

    You mean pwned!

     

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  9.  
    identicon
    TheDude, May 6th, 2006 @ 12:00am

    Mandatory

    All ISP's should make all users sign this!
    It would make bitching about the internet impossible.

     

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  10.  
    identicon
    Complain, May 6th, 2006 @ 2:04am

    I hate Verizon.

    For real. I wish I didnt have to go through Verizon. They are nosy.

     

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  11.  
    identicon
    chris, May 6th, 2006 @ 2:27am

    no no no

    the internet is the webbing that is in mens swim suits.. I know, I have some..

     

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  12.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 6th, 2006 @ 9:44am

    i like bikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     

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  13.  
    identicon
    Charles-A. Rovira, May 6th, 2006 @ 10:31am

    Caveat Emptor

    That was a long winded way of saying some thing that was summed up in two words.

     

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  14.  
    identicon
    Scott, May 6th, 2006 @ 10:36am

    You forgot a few dangers...

    You forgot to mention the child molesters, scam artists, porn at every turn, and disturbing videos of people getting hurt and killed. Not to mention unspeakable sights such as goatse - that is, a man's hyper-extended anus.

     

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  15.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward v3.2, May 6th, 2006 @ 10:40am

    MPAA

    If the RIAA will make matters worse, then the MPAA will hunt you down, and kill you!

    TV has become the enemy, and you can do something about it!
    http://www.tvbgone.com

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  16.  
    identicon
    Ant, May 6th, 2006 @ 11:14am

    A funny disclaimer from a decade ago or so...

    This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. Known as Hellman's east of the Rockies. Beware of greeks bearing gifts. Beware of gifts bearing greeks. This side up. Don't take any wooden nickels. Don't take candy from strangers. Void where prohibited. Caveat Emptor (Buyer beware) Caveat Vendor (Beware of street people). Donde esta el bano. Beware of DOS. Look both ways before crossing the street. All your base are belong to us. Always wear safety belt. Always wear deodorant. Don't forget to breathe. If you park, don't drink...accidents cause people. This supersedes all previous notices.

    This modified disclaimer may not be copied without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.

     

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  17.  
    identicon
    rekka, May 6th, 2006 @ 11:26am

    They have the internets on computers now? (sorry)

     

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  18.  
    identicon
    CookieMonster, May 6th, 2006 @ 2:38pm

    Cookies

    It doesn't say I can't have a cookie.

    I want a cookie.

    Cookie!!!

     

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  19.  
    identicon
    annodeus, May 6th, 2006 @ 3:06pm

    Ant...the disclaimer forgot something

    "not tested on animals" "dolphin safe"

     

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  20.  
    identicon
    Craig, May 6th, 2006 @ 4:40pm

    huh

    That disclaimer is friggen hillarious!

     

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  21.  
    identicon
    kingoftown, May 6th, 2006 @ 4:56pm

    Re:

    >> What's the internet? Download the internet here.

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  22.  
    identicon
    Amnyonic-mous Coward, May 6th, 2006 @ 5:05pm

    RE; You forgot a few dangers...

    RE;You forgot a few dangers... by Scott on May 6th, 2006 @ 10:36am

    "You forgot to mention the child molesters, scam artists, porn at every turn, and disturbing videos of people getting hurt and killed. Not to mention unspeakable sights such as goatse - that is, a man's hyper-extended anus."

    You know Scott, there's a reason you are finding that kind of stuff on the internet.
    YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR IT!
    Quit going to web sites like "http://rotten.com/" and you will quit finding sh*t like that! geeeze... it's not like that stuff just invades your browser without you typing something into the address bar or a search engine website.

     

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  23.  
    identicon
    Irrelevant, May 6th, 2006 @ 6:34pm

    Re: huh

    Just so you know, George Carlin performed the original 'complete disclaimer.' It's even funnier when you hear it out loud.

     

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  24.  
    identicon
    big mike, May 6th, 2006 @ 9:42pm

    i want a pudding pop

     

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  25.  
    identicon
    MaryAnne Dodds, May 6th, 2006 @ 10:12pm

    What worries me the most

    What worries me the most is all the people out there that don't update, don't upgrade, don't scan or or do anything about the viruses, spyware and adware they get and forward to the rest of us.

     

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  26.  
    identicon
    Technopundit, May 6th, 2006 @ 10:48pm

    Re: What worries me the most

    Don't worry. Be happy.

     

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  27.  
    identicon
    bit, May 6th, 2006 @ 11:01pm

    cookies

    to whoever wanted cookies, this is what you got by clicking here: 6 cookies!

    a cookie from:
    ads.pointroll
    atdmt
    doubleclick
    mediaplex
    questionmarket
    techdirt

    BTW - these cookies follow you around, dropping crumbs everywhere and sending you junk mail.

    Just so ya know.
    *Bit*

     

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  28.  
    identicon
    shableep, May 7th, 2006 @ 1:47am

    Re: To put things in perspective...

    ... at an even grander scale; we're just grains of life in the scope of the universe. And we worry about when we're gonna die. Pshhhhhh.

    I understand what you're going for. But we can't denounce the seemingly petty in spite of its relative insignificance. Yes, respect the storm. But acknowledge the drop that makes it.

     

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  29.  
    identicon
    address holder, May 7th, 2006 @ 6:51am

    lets get it OOn!!

    Not true if earth is flat.

     

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  30.  
    identicon
    j, May 7th, 2006 @ 10:27am

    At least our computers can't get the bird flu. If it can in the future, do you think they'll come up with enough vaccines in time??!

     

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  31.  
    identicon
    world denounced, May 7th, 2006 @ 2:41pm

    Bird flu

    What about humans getting computer viruses?
    impathic pathways permeated upon seizures caused by violent flashings of the radiation tube.

     

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  32.  
    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, May 7th, 2006 @ 3:13pm

    people need better understanding of computers and the internet. maybe if people started to learn about it there would be less spam, phishing, viruses, adware, spyware, and all that other stuff that haunts internet users. as long as those reach some people they will always be made, but the less the people those reach the less the people will be making them.

     

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  33.  
    identicon
    Boris, May 7th, 2006 @ 7:36pm

    A Resolution

    How about we stop being pussies, get rid of all the ISPs after we violently switch over to socialism, take control of the internet, and issue permanent bans to everyone who clicks here.



    Can I get an amen?

     

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  34.  
    identicon
    porthios, May 7th, 2006 @ 7:51pm

    Amen

    "We do not inspect, supervise or maintain the Internet, blogosphere, ISP’s or other features, natural or otherwise."

    However we do find the time to inspect your personal pc..supervise your history...and treaten your isps to give up all the goodies on who you are..that is all we promise.

     

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  35.  
    identicon
    me, May 8th, 2006 @ 1:22pm

    You are likely to be eaten by a grue

     

    reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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