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Getting Over Google Induced Grief
from the a-sense-of-loss-you-never-knew-you-had dept
Many people spend some time every now and then trying to track down long lost friends via Google (with varying degrees of success). However, what happens when that Google search turns up the fact that the person has died? A writer for the Observer Magazine in the UK explores the emotional roller coaster, and discusses just how much you're allowed to grieve before someone has the legitimate right to ask: "So if he was so brilliant, why haven't you been in touch for 18 years?"
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Been There, Done That (sort of)
I got on this kick a few years ago to find my long-lost girlfriends. I was successful in finding the one who crushed my heart leaving it a broken heap for many years.
It had been about 18 years - half my lifetime ago - and after finding her on Google I decided to give her a call (we used to spend hours on the phone, after all). She was surprised, said she remembered me (my greatest fear was that she wouldn't) and we had a chit-chat comparable to two total strangers meeting at a cocktail party.
The thing was, this little conversation totally demystified her and my past with her. After 18 years I realized we were two totally different people with nothing in common any more. Despite polite "let's do coffee one day", I didn't follow up on it, she never contacted be back, and I haven't had any desire to follow-up with her in the succeeding two years. After all, she's a complete stranger.
SOOO (coming to the point finally), if you hadn't been in contact with someone in a couple of decades and found out they died, grieve for the normal passing of a life, but not over a "friend" since it is unlikely that the two of you would still be friends after such a long period of time (and I had similar run-ins with best buddies at high-school reunions that I found I couldn't stand any more).
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