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Culture

by Mike Masnick

Wed, Jul 23rd 2003 10:07am





Love Doesn't Work By Checklist

from the problems-of-online-dating dept

I've had a running discussion with a friend about people we know who seem to "date by checklist". They have certain characteristics they like, and will assume that the more points on the list they can check off, the better the relationship is likely to be. We both think this is a terrible way to date, and generally leads to bad relationships - where people say "well, I want to like this person, because of a, b, c, & d", but the reality is something different. Now, an opinion piece in the Globe & Mail is suggesting the same thing, but takes it one step further, saying that internet dating is encouraging this sort of behavior. You go online, check off all the characteristics you like, and the computer makes sure you only see such people. This cuts out the opportunity for a serendipitous find - someone who doesn't match your check list, but still makes your toes curl. I don't know how most dating sites work, but maybe there's an opportunity to add in a more random element. To some extent, that may be part of the appeal of a site like Friendster - where people find people not necessarily based on their specific criteria, but on who they know.

4 Comments | Leave a Comment..


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  1.  

    sorta

    identicon
    Adam Rice, Jul 23rd, 2003 @ 10:35am

    When I found myself single, I checked out a number of different dating sites. Some are very checklist oriented, and have a truly mind-bending array of multiple-choice and short-answer questions. Others are extremely sketchy. Eventually I settled on one that seemed to hit a sweet spot--not too many questions, and the ones that were there seemed to elicit interesting answers.

    Any medium for meeting people--bars, blind dates, the Internet, back-page personals ads, whatever--will expose you to a different cross-section of the person.

    [ reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  2.  

    Still

    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jul 23rd, 2003 @ 11:02am

    Some "checklist" items are important. A non-chemical type is not going to want to be around a heavy drug user or drinker. A single parent is going to be better off dating other experienced singles. An 80-year-old is going to be better off with older singles. A 6'6" person is unlikely to do well with a 4'10" person. An atheist should not be paired with a bible-thumper.


    [ reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  3.  

    Duh

    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jul 23rd, 2003 @ 1:03pm

    Checklist dating fails because people don't know what they really want. If the checklist is flawed, anyone who matches it is not going to be a good fit. If the people truly knew what they were looking for in a mate, odds are they would've found it by now.

    [ reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]

  4.  

    Re: Duh

    identicon
    Anonymous Coward, Jul 23rd, 2003 @ 6:59pm

    Actually, even if people know what they really want, they may not necessarily find the right person if their goal is unrealistic. For example, if someone only wanted to date black women who have PhD's in mechanical engineering, it may take a few decades to meet such people.

    [ reply to this | link to this | view in thread ]


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